Insider

Seven

Heaven didn't want me.  Nor did hell.

My punishment would be to endure this world.  

I wholeheartedly gave up.  Life wasn't fair, what was the point in living?  However, I wasn't thinking only of myself in that moment.  Life wasn't fair to Oliver- he should be alive, not me!  He would never make mistakes, and he had a loving mother who was waiting for his return.  I promised I would give Ollie's mother the necklace, I couldn't even do that.  On the night of our escape from Hydra, I should've listened and moved when he shouted.  Or even better, I should've shoved Oliver out of the way so bullets didn't rip through his chest.  All he did was help me, he was my brother, best friend, and mentor;  the world needs more people like him.  

That was what I thought when I drifted back into consciousness.  Once my vision cleared, I lurched forward.  I was back in my room at S.H.I.E.L.D., no longer soaking upon the rooftop.  But, I still felt fucking cold.  I wrapped the blanket on my bed around my shoulders and shuffled towards the door.  It was still unlocked.  Like an old hag, I stumbled down the hallway feeling empty and forgetful.  This time it was hollow and quiet, there were no voices to be afraid of.  

This time I would not be afraid when I saw the Winter Soldier.  Although I was weakened physically, I would stand up straight and ask clear and icily, "Why did you kill the people I love?"

However, I would never get the chance.  After stalking the halls of S.H.I.E.L.D., my blanket posing as warmth and protection, I came upon double doors.  I shoved one open and found myself in some sort of living room.  It didn't feel cozy- there was no fireplace like the one in my log cabin in Alaska, there was no set of comfortable couches like Trish's apartment.  Some worn, grey sofas were scattered in a circle arrangement.  A wide television hung on the bare, brown walls.  In the back corner there was a white counter with some bar stools, followed by a half-assed miniature kitchen.  That was where the Winter Soldier, Sharon, and the Falcon were.  Immersed in their deep conversation, no one seemed to notice that I slipped into the room.  I could feel the tension rising by the tone of their voices, and my thoughts of harsh words slipped away.  Prey was hiding from the predator.

"The government wants a trial-" started Sharon.

"Why?" asked the Falcon, "He's proved he's not with Hydra anymore.  During all those years, he didn't have a choice."

"I still did terrible things." the Winter Soldier said.

Sam turned and replied, "I wish you'd stop talking like that, stop trying to blame yourself!"

This was getting interesting.  Like a soap opera.

"Look," said Sharon, "The world is divided on whether or not the Winter Soldier can be trusted.  If we don't give a fair trial then we may lose everything we've worked on for shutting down Crimson Night."

"And what if he's found guilty?  Would he spend the rest of his life on that prison in the middle of the ocean?"

"I could live with that," the Winter Soldier said dully.

The Falcon was scheming something.  "That girl was a part of Hydra, could she testify in court?  She has a lot of dirt on her, but since she's a minor she could be under S.H.I.E.L.D. for the time being."

I gave a look of disgust and folded my arms.  Why the hell would I want to testify, unless it was against the Winter Soldier?  "Jesus," I muttered without thinking, "I'm nothing but a pawn in their game."

Just like Hydra.  Just like Crimson Night.

Agent Thirteen noticed me, her eyes widened with surprise.  "I didn't realize you were here," she stated finally.

"That's nice," I sniffed, crossing my legs now.

"You must be hungry-" Sharon said.

"I have some questions, first."

Now everyone was looking at me.  I so badly wanted to cover my face with the blanket (this was such a bad idea), but for the first time in a long time I saw my father.  Blue eyes smiling, Papa said, "You are strong, Elissa."  

"Ask your questions," said Agent Thirteen.

To be honest, I didn't think it'd get this far, but I was ready.  "What do you want from me?" I questioned.  "And not because I'm a member of the drug gang you want to overthrow- you can take any old person clothed in our jacket and gather the same information."

The Falcon replied, "It's your position with Crimson Night.  You are practically second in command-"

"Bullshit!" I scoffed loudly, and quickly clamped a hand over my mouth.  I expected to be hit or tasered, but again no one said anything.  The silence was getting strange, but the expressions upon the trio's faces didn't look aggressive or any of that shit that Hydra or Matt made me put up with.  Much more hushedly, I told everyone, "I think this has something to do with my origin."

"Any information about your time at Hydra could be useful-"

"Ask him." I said, pointing at the Winter Soldier.  "Y'know, the epiphany of Hydra."

The Winter Soldier stared out the window, and Sharon quickly jumped to his defense.  "That part of the story is not what you think, Elissa."

"Tell that to the dead bodies,"  

Suddenly, Sharon sat across from me.  The Falcon stayed with the Winter Soldier, apart from me but still listening.  I did feel like prey in a room full of predators.  

"Elissa," inquired Sharon Carter-

"What do you know about Hydra?"