Insider

Eight

God, what the bloody fucking hell could I say about Hydra?  The fact that they keep me up at night, causes me to supress my feelings with drugs and alcohol?  Or the fact that I helped Rumlow bomb Lagos to shake them off my trail?  All the things I have destroyed- knifes and fire playing a helping hand- and the new person I created?  What about my real family, whom I would never see again?  Hydra robbed the world of the two greatest people I knew.  Everything I did post escaping them was to erase my past from them.  Hydra killed me.  They took what I loved in life, then my future, and finally my identity.

"Hydra is unstoppable.  They have some fucked up belief of magic giving them ultimate power; my father didn't believe, though.  He escaped with my mother, they had me, but she died from complications when I was really young.  When I was older, Papa instructed me to run when Hydra arrived.  It was never 'if'- they were coming.  And when they did come, I decided that I couldn't leave my father behind.  I disobeyed and I stayed.  The Winter Soldier shot him, my brother told me that." I said matter-of-factly.  The Winter Soldier's eyes were focused on the ground when I said that.

"Who's your brother?" Sharon asked.

It was my turn to stare at the ground.  Instinctively, my hand reached for the spot below my neck where the necklace would rest.  Nothing was there, and nothing would ever be there again.  "Oliver," I whispered, throat raw and hoarse.  "His name was Oliver Jakob Lasse, and he's dead."  

The Winter Soldier abruptly got up and stalked out of the room.  He's probably feeling guilty, I thought to myself as the Falcon followed.  That made me feel slightly better.  Sharon said to me, "There's a lot about the Winter Soldier and Hydra you don't understand.  Someone might be able to help with that."

I looked at her helplessly, the emotion I hated to feel.  "I'm just trying to survive," I said bleakly,  "I wanted to be a part of something- with Crimson Night I was so close."

"I know, Elissa.  I know."

Sighing heavily, I stared out the window in defeat.  Everything was so grey, rain softly falling like teardrops upon someone's cheek.  I lamely stood up and walked towards the glimpse to the outside.  With Hydra I had very few options:  Do this do that, or die.  With S.H.I.E.L.D. it was more unpredictable, my feelings swung faster than a rollercoaster.  They weren't going to kill me, but I was still trying to figure out my place in their story.  And I needed to stop being the sobbing little girl like I was when I was first captured by Hydra.  I needed to be strong and seek justice for my family.  Words tumbled out faster than I could control-

"Why did he kill them?" I asked.  "Any of them?"

Sharon said something shocking:  "It wasn't him."

Huh?  Damn, now she's just blatantly lying.  "What the fuck does that mean?" I questioned.  

Agent Thirteen quickly typed something into her phone.  Moments later a girl about my age showed up.  The first thing I noticed about her was that she looked smart.  She held several files and a laptop- only, I had never seen that kind of laptop anywhere in my life.  God, she even dressed smart too, wearing a black jacket with vibrant bursts of orange and green and a pair of black business pants.  In a way, I felt intimidated; whoever this was, she was important.  But, her smile down at me was as just as thoughtful as Papa's or Ollie's.  "Elissa, I'd like you to meet Shuri.  She's kinda like the Princess of Wakanda."

Wakanda?  Holy shit, I've heard lots about Wakanda.  Trish said her father had always wanted to have a sample of vibranium after hearing the rumour that it makes the citizens of Wakanda stronger.  Vibranium was used for Captain America's shield, I learned that at the Smithsonian.  Wakanda was closed off for a long time, but now they're opening up to the world for the first time.  And out of all places in the world, why would their own princess want to visit S.H.I.E.L.D.?  My mouth put together the only words I could think of, "Damn,"

"Hello Elissa," the girl told me in a different but beautiful accent, "I've heard quite a bit about you from Miss Carter, Mr. Barnes, and Mr. Wilson."

"I'm surprised that the president hasn't heard of me by now," I said without thinking.  Then, I covered my hand with my mouth- Shuri sounded friendly but looked powerful.  Besides, her brother's the king of a country, so if I stepped out of line with her then I would be six feet underground.  Yet, this girl still kept her happy grin and said, "Agent Thirteen thinks that you could benefit with some knowledge about Mr. Barnes,"

"Who?" 

"Mr. Barnes," repeated Shuri.

"Who?"

Shuri began, "Does she-?"

"Elissa still calls him by his alter persona." answered Sharon.

"First lesson:" explained Shuri, "The Winter Soldier's name is James Buchanan Barnes."