Insider

Twelve

Found Matt.  I fucking found him, and he's-

I should start from the beginning.

In a desolate area, littered with debris and dirt, Shuri stopped far by a building under heavy construction.  Over uneven mounds of mud, I was careful not to let the girls step on any jutting pieces of metal or wires spread loosely amongst the ground.  I carried Jasmine and Rose walked close beside me.  The building was just as crumby as the ground, cracked and obliterated on one side and walls of scaffolding on the other.  However, one letter stood proud:  'A'.  Anyone could recognize the logo a mile away- it represents the Avengers.  I asked Shuri what this building was.

Slightly upset over the mud splattered across her Nikes, Shuri answered dazedly, "It's the Avengers headquarters,"

"The one that got destroyed?"

"Yeah,"

I thought that building was destroyed in the blip, but when we entered a spacious room with furniture cluttered in one furnished corner, Sharon Carter was there to explain otherwise.  S.H.I.E.L.D. decided to rebuild in the destroyed area so the Triskelion could have a second base again.  A memorial for Tony Stark would be included here, I liked that.  He was the rock of the Avengers, making the ultimate sacrifice.  Nothing was said about any memorial for Captain America.

Mr. Barnes and Sam were there too.  Sam told me to stop calling him 'Mr. Wilson' because it sounds stupid, in his opinion.  I set Jasmine on the ground, and guided her and Rose towards the corner with all the furniture.  Luckily, there was a few comfortable couches where they settled down upon.  Sam asked Shuri, "Who are they?"

"Unfortunate victims of Crimson Night," I blurted.  "They were trapped, we helped them."

"Sarah's my friend!" Jasmine told them loudly, leaning against me.  I smiled my crooked smile warmly at her.  But, something had to change.  Both Rose and Jasmine needed to address me differently if we were going to gain the trust of S.H.I.E.L.D..  Beckoning them over, I explained, "Rose, Jazzy, I need to tell you something.  When I met your brother, Rose, and your mommy and daddy, Jasmine, I was not safe.  I needed a safe name to keep me safe.  But, now I'm safe, and you guys are safe, so I can tell you.  My name is not Sarah, it's Elissa."

"Elissa," babbled Jasmine.  "Lissa, Lissy, Liss!"

"It's pretty," Rose stated.  I still grinned, but on the inside my heart was racing.  The decision meant one thing now:  Elissa Fleur was not dead.  I had to accept that my past had returned, and I needed to accept that I couldn't hide behind an alter ego anymore.   My smile faltered.

Both Rose and Jasmine needed so many necessities- food, water, sleep, a bath...  For the next few hours Shuri and I worked busily on trying to cater to their wishes.  In the midst of a building under construction, only certain rooms were fully functional.  Once they both dozed off on the couch, Shuri and I met with Sam, Sharon, and Mr. Barnes.  "Okay, what the hell happened?" questioned Sharon Carter.  "You bring here two children?"  She asked this calmly but icily, I almost wished she would've screamed it.

"Elissa knows them," Shuri told everyone, "They called her 'Sarah'."  As much as I admired the princess, she was getting on my nerves today.  Her detachment to the situation, the quickness to blame me.  But, I guess it was my fault.  However, I still gritted my teeth with annoyance, wishing deep down that I could have a drink or Criz to wash my problems away.  Mr. Barnes inquired, "How do you know them?"

"Rose is Matt's little sister.  Jasmine is Trish and Tobias' child." I explained.  "Up until now, they only knew me as Sarah."  As I talked, though, my mind began thinking.  Matt's vengeance could be worse than any of us expected.  Trish and Tobias would never hurt their precious daughter, I know them that well.  Matt must be completely psycho, and this torture proves that he has taken control of Crimson Night.  Trish and Tobias are no longer in the picture in terms of leadership.  Another thought was that the apartment would be the obvious first place that I'd go whilst returning to the gang- why would Matt decide to put the girls there?  He knows I that would rescue them!  Suddenly, it became clear to me, and I declared, "Matt wanted us to find them.  This must be a trap."

"A trap?" repeated Shuri.

"God, I don't know... There oughta be some sort of tracker or something- Matt is good with tech," I said.  "Either way, they probably know where we are by now."

Shuri spoke up.  "I can change that,"

"How?" I asked almost snappishly.  

Sam urged, "Just let her try,"

"Fine!"

Scrounging through the clothes and shoes of Rose and Jasmine that they had since changed out of, we found nothing.  There was no possible trap, Matt had fooled us.  Now, what was the purpose of torturing Rose and Jasmine like that?  The days they spent trapped in darkness left a familiar feeling in my body; the blindness blocking my vision, the inability to breathe.  Brushing past everyone, I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air.  Sometimes it is good to remind yourself of the freedom that you do have.  

What if there was a way to stop all of this?  Sneaking out would be easy enough- I've done it several times before.  The girls can come with me, if I can get them to cooperate.  Crimson Night has many strongholds, maybe I can find Trish and Tobias secluded away in one.  Maybe I can convince them to try to regain power, especially if the general population of Crimson Night has remained on their side.  Maybe I can get them to overthrow Matt, and change the way Criz is made.  Maybe my debt with Crimson Night will get paid off, S.H.I.E.L.D. will no longer need me, and I can leave with no strings attached.  Spend the rest of my days in the woods, just like how I always planned.

Except, I would be alone.  And that would eternally be the downside.  

I collected my bearings- my knife, and the clothes I had on my back.  Plus, a couple of scrunched up bills in my pocket.  That could get me far enough, I could figure out the rest.  

But, I didn't go.  I couldn't.  

"Fuck," I said to the wind.  "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"  

"Is everything okay?"  The Winter Soldier was here.

I shrugged and answered, "Depends on what you call 'okay.'"

Mr. Barnes stood beside me awkwardly, I fiddled with my knife.  And then the words came, I was never good at not talking.  "I've fucked up!" I blurted.

"I know a little bit about that," Mr. Barnes answered.

My palm on my forehead, I sighed, "When I left Hydra, I thought I would be safe and I would have a family.  I guess I don't know what that is, I've always been an outsider.  I would like to say it's not fair, but I've kinda dug my hole and now I have to die in it."

He looked at me sympathetically and said, "There's still time to turn things around, I think you can still find your place in all of this.  I did."

"How did you?" I asked, again without thinking.

"I don't know, I accepted the past for what it is and moved forward.  Sam and Steve helped me... mostly Sam, though."

"Who's Steve?"

Mr. Barnes looked puzzled.  "You don't know who Steve Rogers is?"

"Captain America?" I repeated.  "You knew Captain America?"

"He was my best friend,"

Then, as Mr. Barnes started to explain, it made sense to me.  Mr. Barnes was friends with Captain America because they were both born around the same time, in the same place, and went to the same school.  James Barnes protected Steve Rogers because Steve was incredibly fragile as a youth, similarly to how Oliver protected me.  Mr. Barnes sacrificed himself in World War II to save Steve, and that was how he got taken in by Hydra.  And, after decades of separation and struggles, Steve had the audacity to go back in time to be with a random woman he only kissed once!  That must've been a low blow, I thought.  Although the two people I care about most are dead, at least they never backstabbed me like that.  Finally, I said to the man I was beginning to feel sorry for, "Oof.  That sucks."

He laughed a little and said, "I just wanted him to be happy.  If that's what makes him happy, so be it."

"He should've thought about what makes people besides himself happy," I pointed out, "He still sounds like a jerk."

"Elissa, I'm fine.  I'm friends with Sam.  Partly."

It was my turn to laugh lightly.  I felt calmer, at ease.  "Thanks, Mr. Barnes." I told him.

"You don't have to call me that.  You can call me James... or Bucky."

"Okay, Bucky."  

Part of me wanted to say that that was a stupid name, but I didn't.