Insider

Thirteen

"Sarah,"

"I'm not Sarah," I reminded Jasmine, entering the dark room where she and Rose were supposed to be sleeping.  "I'm Elissa,"

Jasmine rolled onto one side and told me, "You don't look like an Elissa,"

"Really?  Who do I look like?" 

"I dunno, I just prefer you as Sarah.  Who do you think you are?"

"I guess I don't know either," I answered.  Deep words from a five year-old.  The girl then gazed at the ceiling.  Her voice sounded hollow, an emptiness to it.  

"I miss my parents,"

Oh boy, I thought.  Matt probably has Trish and Tobias hostage or killed by now.  How am I supposed to break that to their innocent child, whose love is solely directed towards them?  My mind drifted back to Oliver, how did he do it with me? 

Every time.  Every single goddamn time, Ollie listened to me.  His recognition of my words and his obedience to them bonded an everlasting bond between us.  Listening was his virtue, and my vice.  Every single time I would think for myself, and the help I thought I was doing caused more damage.  But now, I had a chance at redemption- stopping Crimson Night and Matt was the huge step collaterally, helping Jasmine cope would be the smaller in size but equivalent meaningfully.  It would be the start of digging myself out of my pit.  I knelt down to her eye level, her mother's golden brown eyes staring into mine, looking for a sign of what I was going to say.  Slowly but unwaveringly I began, "I don't know what happened to your mother and father.  They could be with Matt, or in another world entirely- but they are gone for a while, though.  You will see them again, I just don't know when."

Soft tears splashed against her copper cheeks.  "Are they dead, Sarah?"

"I don't know," I said, drawing her towards me and embracing her in a hug.  Her sobs muffled into my shirt, soaking it with salty tears.  Someone came to the door- I didn't bother acknowledging who- and I waved them away with a flick of my wrist.  "Jasmine," I soothed quietly.  "Did you know my parents are dead?"

Prying away from me, the child sniffled, "I didn't know that,"

"Papa's name was Noah, my mother's name was Valentina.  They died when I was young."

"Who took care of you?  You can't take care of yourself forever."

"I had a friend for a while.  Then, your mother.  Once you're old enough, you can take care of yourself, though." I told her.

Jasmine muttered, "I don't think I'm old enough.  Who will take care of me?"

"I will." I said, "I swear I will."

Looking upon a cloudless night, diamond stars littering the black sky as if they were jewels on a rock.  There was no rain, no snowstorm, no soldiers were charging at me.  By nature, I should have felt at peace.  But, there was a hollowness within me.  

"I would like to say it's not fair, but I've kinda dug my hole and now I have to die in it."

The emptiness came from a need to redeem myself.  I thought about my chance to be good again times before, but this time it was driving me intensely.  For Jasmine, Rose, and everyone else whose lives had been altered or ended by the green-and-white-capsuled monster.  Hydra trained me well in terms of thinking outside of the box, my knowledge of Matt and Crimson Night has to hold clues of his whereabouts.  Before I collapsed in an exhausted heap, I generated two locations:

Matt's house, or the mansion.

Morning came, and after a full breakfast I questioned Rose and Jasmine one last time.  "Rose," I said gently, "Do you think Matt likes to be at your home?"  Matt had mentioned that their parents had died, I needed to know if that grief would draw or repel him to their house.  With a finger wrapped around one of her ginger ringlets, Rose answered, "I think he likes it 'cause Mom and Dad lived there with us."

I inquried, "Would that be the first place he would travel to if he could go anywhere in the world?"

Rose squinted, arched an eyebrow up her forehead.  She drew in a breath and sighed in contemplation.  "No," she finally said.  "I don't think he would."

The mansion it is.

Sharon Carter insisted that Shuri come along with me, but we were given access to a car and weapons to travel to the mansion.  Sam and James seemed preoccupied, although I was not sure why.  Peoples' whole fucking lives were at stake!  Maybe I should've said something about it, but I was certain that I did not need a whole damn team following my every move in this assignment, so I hushed myself.  Oliver's necklace was once again tied around my neck, maybe I thought it was good luck.

"I need to know where we are going and what we are doing," said Shuri while we were driving, "So I can prepare my designs for this assignment."

"No," I exclaimed, almost groaning.  "That's a terrible idea.  It's already bad if Crimson Night sees me around, imagine if the Princess of Wakanda was wandering around with her vibranium tech.  Every gang affiliated with Crimson Night would fucking hound us."

Shuri folded her arms and chided, "I am not letting you go do this alone."

"What is with you people?" I snapped loudly.  No one talked the rest of the way.

If anything, the mansion looked better than when I last saw it.  The front garden was bursting with crimson Maple trees and flowers, and someone had set up a basketball net on the driveway.  No sports cars lined the streets, and it looked like the place was empty.  I parked the car a block away, and Shuri and I attempted to walk nonchalantly to the mansion.  My heart raced, I knew I would see someone I cared about dead.  Trish and Tobias were gone, and I would have to break the news to sweet Jasmine when I returned to the compound.  I tried to hold back the bile rising in my throat as Shuri picked the lock, but nothing could've prepared me for what I saw next- 

I had found Matt.