Insider

Twenty-One

James was there.  I never thought I'd be happy to see the Winter Soldier.  

"You," I sighed, lowering my weapons.  I looked over his shoulder.  "Where's everyone else?"  Truthfully, I wanted to see them but at the same time I was dreading it.  Who knows if they saw my messages, or if they thought I betrayed them?  They could be ready to arrest me, and then I'm screwed.  But, I could work my way around that.  There was just one thing I needed to know:  "Are Jasmine and Rose okay?"

"Yes, they're fine-"

"Thank fuck," I interrupted, letting out another sigh.  All of a sudden, that was all that mattered.  I covered my face with my hand, trying to stifle the gasps of relief escaping my throat.  James was concerned, as any person would be if they were faced with this situation.  I did wonder what he thought of me in that moment.  "Did you all think-?" I began, before my words got lost coming out of my mouth.

"No, Elissa.  We got your texts." 

When a weight is lifted off your shoulders, most times you feel like soaring.  However, when my assurance came I sunk.  My legs became weightless, and I clumsily fell to the ground as a wave of dizziness washed over me.  James rushed over to me and asked in a low tone, "Are you okay, Elissa?"

I looked into his eyes.  I didn't see a killer, just an adult who was concerned about an unstable teenager.  For so long I had to suppress any feelings that could make me vunerable, that was how I survived.  But, something was different now; I had never felt this reassurance since Oliver passed.  I wanted to say everything that was on my mind, and now someone was willing to listen.  So, I spilled the truth.  There was a quiver to my voice when I confessed, "Matt's dead.  Tobias is dead.  And it's my fault.  I... I should've taken a different path that night.  I wasn't listening to him.  The night when Ollie died, I should've taken a different path."

James sat beside me and said, "You were lost, and trying to survive.  Sometimes we make bad decisions in an attempt to do that.  You can't change the past, but you have the power to fix your future.  That's what I try to do every day.  Oliver... he was a good kid, I wish I never pulled the trigger."

"You didn't have any control over it," I told him.  "That's what Ollie said to me, and I think it's true for you."

He smiled at me, and I grinned back, as best I could.  The fact that he remembered Oliver was very meaningful.  The fact that James showed remorse- that was more proof that he and the Winter Soldier were two entirely different people.  As James helped me up and I gathered my stuff, I suddenly asked, "What would you like me to say at the trial?"

"Elissa- how did you even find out?"  

"I just did."

"You probably don't want do that, it's okay-"

"I'm willing to do it." I interjected, emphasizing the certainty on each word.

James looked shocked for a second, but quickly composed himself and said, "Thank you."

On the other hand, I tried to contain my satisfaction.  James thought I didn't know, and that meant:  I wasn't being used just for the trial.  People actually cared about my well-being.  When was the last time that happened?

S.H.I.E.L.D. really outdid themselves.  When we made it to ground level, there were about five vans filled with armoured guards.  James said to me, "We heard there was a gang fight at a drugstore, so we had to make sure the cops didn't arrest you."

"Sorry," I replied.  Luckily, he waved it off.  I hopped into the backseat of the first car, and I saw a familiar face.  Shuri was there, smiling, but with a hardened gaze.  I must've really pissed her off a few days ago.  Hesitantly, I said, "I'm sorry for what I did,"

Shuri nodded and answered politely, "I understand the situation you were in, Elissa.  I hope we never encounter that again."

"So... are we good?"

"Yes, we are good."  Her gaze relaxed.

Maybe in other circumstances I would call Shuri my friend.  She was intelligent, funny, kind, everything that I admire.  But, she is royalty and has a country to look after.  I am a gang member- it is like mixing oil with water.  I told myself she was doing this to help S.H.I.E.L.D., she was there to help get them established again as a powerful force in society.  Considering that she helped James, she was probably there for the trial as well.  As much as my prediction was inevitable, I would have longed for an honest friend again.  

Hours later we arrived back at the Triskelion.  I stepped out of the car and grinned weakly.  For now, we would be safe.  Crimson Night would never attack a building as large as this S.H.I.E.L.D. base, certainly not for me.  Currently they believe that I am wandering the streets of Washington, injured and lost.  Now I had to prioritize helping S.H.I.E.L.D. find Crimson Night- I had at least got both ends in the same place at one time.  And I was willing to help as soon as possible.

Rose and Jasmine were on the main floor, and I had never been so happy and so sad to see two people in my entire life.  One look into Rose's hazel eyes, and she knew.  "My brother," she breathed, tone delicate as a snowflake but broken as a snowstorm.  I nodded, and she ran to me, arms clinging to my waist in despair.  

"I don't want to be alone," she choked.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was kidnapped by Hydra.  Her father was executed, and she could not even say goodbye.  Trapped in darkness, the girl thought she was alone forever.  Until a boy, who was a testimony of strength under adversity, helped her through the turmoil of sorrow and into a new light- one that did not erase her open wounds, but stitched them into healed scars.  "You're not alone," he said.

It was time for me to be the person I saw in Oliver that night nine years ago.  Gently, I stroked Rose's cheek and beckoned Jasmine closer.  I looked them both in the eyes.  My voice was steady and assuring.

"You're not alone.  I'll take care of you."