Insider

Five

The Winter Soldier was looking at me, and I was looking at him.  I made no movement with my knife, I just felt too tired.  My eyes still bore into his face, flashing angrily.  This time, I was actually going to die.  And I was ready, I would get what I deserved.  "If you're gonna kill me, just get over with." I told him, expecting silence.

Instead, the man spoke.  "Elissa, I'm sorry."

What the fuck?

I was curious.  The Winter Soldier didn't sound like I remembered, he didn't look the same either.  That ugly face mask was gone, and he was wearing ordinary civilian clothing.  Cautiously, I said, "What do you want, then?  I mean, if you're not going to kill me."

The Winter Soldier answered, "Would you like to come back to S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"So I can go in your fucking prison?" I asked bitterly.

He sighed and said, "That was Agent Thirteen.  She's a bit strict."

I hunkered back down and crossed my legs straight out in front of me, as if I were relaxing on a couch by a fireplace.  My knife lay in my tight fist, however, ready to strike.  Slowly, I questioned, "How do I know I can trust you?  You waltz in here pretending to be some good guy, but you're really not.  There's red in your ledger, and it's fucking overflowing.  I spent the better part of my life running from this terror, and I am still prepared to do so.  One will never stop running unless they are guaranteed security.  You killed the two people who gave a damn about me, I watched Oliver die and I couldn't do a bloody thing about it; I never even got to bury my brother!"  By the end, tears were lodged in my throat and I was shaking a little.  I said briskly, "I don't care about your excuses.  You knew what you were doing."

Quickly, I shut my eyes and awaited for my throat to be sliced open.  However, the Winter Soldier spoke again- slowly and sadly he said, "All those years, it wasn't me."

"That makes no sense-" 

"Sarah!  Sarah!"  

Jesus Christ, Matt was looking for me.  My boyfriend's voice was raw with rage, and from around the corner I made out his ginger hair.  Shit, shit, shit!  I needed to get out of here.  Rising to my feet, I said, "Look, maybe a hundred years from now I'll talk to you civilly.  But, right now I need to go."

The Winter Soldier left.  Or so I thought.

"Sarah!"  Matt found me.

As I whirled on him, I shouted, "Get away from me!"  My feet tried to break into a run, but it was as if I lost all feeling to them entirely.  I grasped the brick wall of the building next to me, trying to support myself.  Sure enough with my slow pace, Matt caught up to me.  He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered, "I am so, so sorry.  Please, forgive me, Sarah.  I promise I'll never do it again, you and Rose are safe."

Under his tight grip, I muttered, "Too late, Matt."

"C'mon, Sarah!  You know I'm not like that." said Matt, exasperated.  His rough hands moved to my arm and yanked me towards the street.  "Just come home," he pleaded, "You're so frustrating!"

"No, Matt,"

He yanked my arm again, and I fell forward, snapping, "Let go of me!"

"Sarah, Sarah, please!"

"Let go of me!"

"No!"

Searing stabs of pain rushed through my neck and head.  When my vision cleared, I saw a dark figure chase Matt out of the alley way with a handgun.  I was on the ground, leaning against a bag of trash.  

I need to get out of here, I need to fucking get out of here.  

But, the Winter Soldier had returned.  He fended off Matt.  Why?

Just in case, my knife was concealed in the sleeve of my shirt.  I approached the Winter Soldier.  "Thanks," I said hesitantly, and he just nodded.  All those years, whenever I saw him, I could tell in his eyes that he was never affected by his actions.  Tonight was different- I actually saw remorse; I just didn't know for who.

Droplets of water splashed upon my cheeks.  Glancing up, I noticed the beginning of a storm.  My hands shook, indicating the need for Criz, but I was finished with that.  Crimson Night would never accept me now, especially if Matt got to them and explained the matter first.  Matt had devoted more of his life to them than I had, that's how the pecking order worked.  Now, I had no home and no family.  

As the rain sloshed down like heavy bullets, I thought of a crazy idea.  Maybe I would die, but isn't that for the best?  I'd find a way to do end my life, if this plan didn't work out my way.  The Winter Soldier was looking at everything but me, so when I spoke I grabbed his attention; my words were slow and cautious, "I could come with you,"

Without a word, he stepped out of the alleyway; the Winter Soldier looked surprised to see that I followed, even though I kept a safe distance.  Boldly, I added, "I'm only doing this under two conditions.  One:  Don't murder me in my sleep.  And, two:  I am not going in your fucking prison."