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Ten

Life started over, on a different note.  Knowing that I wouldn't die was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and while I still slept with my knife under my pillow, my grip on it did not leave my hands red when I woke up in the morning.  

Sharon and Shuri tried to help me with my wardrobe.  After being set on wearing greys and blacks in Hydra, then reds in Crimson Night, I wore something sunny for the first time in my life.  A loose yellow blouse, paired with denim shorts.  Hydra made me wear my long hair down, it would always get in my face in combat and I think the officers liked to see me struggle with it.  With Trish, I cut it to my shoulders and always tied it up somehow.  Braids, buns, and ponytails became a part of my routine.  But, when I that day I decided to let it down.  It felt comfortable because it wasn't being pulled tightly away from my face.  

With many of my injuries still prominent, I spent several days in my room.  The adventure to the storage room in search of reading materials was certainly fun, no one even knew about it.  S.H.I.E.L.D. naturally does not have a lot of entertaining reading materials, but I was able to find some books on its history as well as Hydra's.  Sharon raised an eyebrow when she saw those delightful texts sprawled across my bed, but she didn't say anything.  And so I read, finding out about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s origin and the Avengers was interesting, but the Hydra stuff I was already taught back in the days when I was their prisoner.  

Ollie's necklace stayed on the desk in my room.  I didn't feel worthy of wearing it anymore.  

Eventually I did come out of my room and into that living space.  Lamely flaked across the couch, I watched TV.  One day the Winter Soldier (should I call him that?) and the Falcon were there, but most times they were off on some weird mission.  The day that they were there I offered a strained smile and said casually, "Nice weather today,"

It was raining.  

Mr. Barnes nodded and the Falcon asked, "You like the rain?"

"Sure," I shrugged.  It wasn't really a lie.  Rain took me back to the times when Papa would teach me lessons in our cabin; it took me back to the times of peace and simpleness.  I couldn't say that, though, my life back then was precious to me.  By speaking of it the memories could be altered.  

Unfortunately, by the time I thought of something to say, the conversation had died and the duo had left.

Shuri came and went as she pleased, and I wished I could have seen more of her than what I was given.  She was very much my age- although ten times smarter- and I liked her because she was so witty and frank and openly kind to me.  However, knowing her duties as a princess, Shuri did have to return to Wakanda frequently.  I asked Sharon, "Why does Shuri visit?  There's much fucking better places elsewhere."

Agent Thirteen said, "Please watch your language, Elissa."  That proves my point:  Shuri is better than Sharon Carter.  But, the blonde agent told me quietly, "She follows up with James Barnes quite a bit, she was the one who freed his mind from Hydra."

"Why would she do that?"

Sharon paused, and then answered, "Why wouldn't she?  That man's been through enough, he now can find solace that he will never again be out of control in his own mind.  Shuri cares, that's why she strives to help people.  Some people care for themselves, others care for the world beyond themselves- they recognize that one's identity will be shaped from the events of their life, although those events do not define them wholly as a person."

"Shuri knows that Mr. Barnes isn't a murderer," I stated.

"Shuri knows that James' past is not a testimony to his character.  She only saw him as someone she could help." said Sharon confidently.  

For some reason that made me like Shuri even more.

Matt's wounds did heal, as well as some of the phantom pain.  Criz no longer buried my emotions or smothered the hurt; some days at S.H.I.E.L.D. were tougher to cope than others, but ultimately the heavy weight I bore under Crimson Night lessened.  Once I became more active, discovering their gym to work out in and trying my hand at cooking, Sharon decided that it was time to reveal the plan to shut down Criz and all of Crimson Night.