Who Was I Trying to be? • Brendon Urie

Chapter Thirty-Four

Brendon's POV

2006

I adjusted my dress shirt while I look at myself on the mirror.I combed my hair and put on my shoes.I began to went out of my room when I heard my mother call me."Brendon,please stay in for lunch."I turn around and saw her place my favorite food on the table."Of course,mom."My mom is my top supporter.I love her so much."I took a bite of my food once I sat down on the chair and she does the same."So um,where are you going today,sweetie?"I munched and looked at her."I'm just gonna go to Miranda's,we are working on a school project and I want to help her."
"Isn't she the girl you're talking about,like everyday?"I choked on my food when I heard that."Who?"
"Miranda?" My mom says and I lower down my head in embarassment."She's just a good friend."I said.

"Who you liked a lot."My mom looks at me,her smile turned into a smirk.
"Of course I like her.We always hung out after class,we eat together,we are like siblings."
"She is really a nice girl,Brendon."
"Yeah,"I look at the time and it's already past twelve."Can I go now? I think she's waiting for me."My mom nodded."Wait,would you bring her the cookies I made yesterday?"My mom had packed the cookies and gave them to me."Your sisters will be back here soon,don't worry about me,spend your time with her as long as you want.Well,be home before nine."I kissed my mom goodbye and I walked three blocks to Miranda's house.I pressed their doorbell and I hear her shuffling feet and she opened the door.I really liked her dress already."Well,would you look at that,inviting himself in."Miranda said in her 19 year old voice and she let me in her house."My mom is not here,she went to have a business transaction with her client.What exactly are you doing here?"She asked and I held out my mother's cookies in front of her."My mom made it."She took the box from me and took one cookie."Thank you,regards to her."I nervously played with the end of my shirt while my hands are behind my back.

"I came here to help you actually,our project?"I said and she chuckled."Let me just put this here and then we'll start instantly."She places the cookies on the kitchen counter and pulled me to her room.I've been in here many times.I always loved the view here,and I even loved it more because she is the most beautiful view than this."Can you go get the materials under the bed? I will just make us some lemonade."She jogged off the room and I proceed to work.
She came back eventually and helped each other.We are working on a science project and we have to work on making our solar system model.It was damn hard.We are chosen to work on this together by our damn teacher and I am loving it.

I just couldn't get my eyes off of her while working.Sometimes,she caught me and she would yank my hair down and I couldn't help but blush.She would say that I am crazy,that I am creepy.But I shrugged off my thoughts and decided to ask her."Would go with me?" Miranda looked up and stared at me."Go where,we haven't finished this yet."
"No,I mean,after we are done,let's get ice cream,my treat."I always pay for her ice cream,ever since.Because I never want her to waste her money."Okay."

We walked to our favorite ice cream store and I made her sit and wait there for me.I came back later on with two cones and I gave her chocolate-strawberry one."You still remember what I love."She softly said and licked her ice cream."Its your favorite,I know that since were little."I open the store door and we began to walk home.
"Brendon,thanks again."I heard Miranda say as we walked slowly."She finished eating her ice cream."Don't mention it."
I held my ice cream cup."Our project is great,I hope that it will win as the best model ever!"She squealed loudly and hooked her hand in my bicep.I love it when her hands are on my skin."In speaking of school,I have to find a pretty dress before prom,can you help me?"I look down at her and smiled."Of course.."

We walked in silence again."Actually,I was going to ask you something."I say and we stopped walking.I feel her hand tightened its grip."What is it?"She asks while she batted her lashes.I gulped at first.I don't know if I should say it but here goes nothing."Would you like to go to prom with me?"I ask.She froze for a moment,and her smile,disappeared.She breaks herself away from me,and I am hurt by her action."I'm sorry,did I say something wrong?"
Miranda looked down,"No,its just that..."She trailed off.Maybe,its time to let her know."I like you,Miranda."I say and she looked at me in disbelief."Brendon,you can't be serious."
"Of course,I'm serious.That's why I'm asking you."Miranda did nothing but bit her lip.
"Brendon,no.."
I pace around her."I like you when we first met and til now,I like you,like you."I repeated it.
Miranda looked at me as if I'm a idiot for liking her.That,I'm just pretending her to like me back,because that's what she said.
"Brendon,we can't work out.You can't like me."I held her arms."No,I really am serious about this.That's why I asked you if you want to go with me-"Then,I was pushed.Miranda pushed me."I don't want to go with you because I have a boyfriend and I'm going with him.You think that I will just give myself in to you and like you back?! Because that will never happen.You are only a friend to me Brendon,please note that inside your head.I find you creepy because you are looking at me like I'm a piece of meat and I am disgusted by it.I am so done with this,Brendon.I will never ever like you as a friend ever again,and I will never fall in love with you.Don't get your hopes so easily,because you will never have me!"
She ran and left me there.I completely,disgusted at myself.I feel so,bad.I'm such a fool.A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it.I throw my ice cream cup even though it still has ice cream inside.I just don't care anymore.Hearing those words,made me want to hate myself.I am so disappointed at myself.I wish I haven't said that.I ruined everything.I ruined our friendship.I hate myself.I want to turn back time.I ruined my connection to someone I loved.Who was I kidding? She will never love me back.

Who was I trying to be?