Who Was I Trying to be? • Brendon Urie

Chapter Forty-Nine

Alyssa's POV

Life is difficult.
Ever since we broke up,I didn't have the energy to smile and laugh.At some point,I was going crazy.I have never been the same.I would just talk quietly and pad myself to school without eating breakfast.I got user to it,and I got a bit slimmer.
I think I shouldn't address my aunt anymore as my aunt.She is just Miranda,the person who tore us apart.

"I want to cut my hair."I said as I look myself in the mirror.I looked so ridiculous.
"Why would you?"I heard Miranda and I turned to her.I faced back to the mirror,twirling a lock."I want a bit of a change."I said quietly and I heard her chuckle from behind me.Idiot.
"Fucking no,I won't let you.You will dawn that hair on the recognition,promise me,you will look great."

I'm tired of this.Seriously,I want to cut my hair and I don't give a fuck about it.There's no point to show this stupid thing off.I want it gone,but she's the fucking boss of me.
Its just like the day she slapped the fuck out of me,and that made me different.Like I had just dranked a potion and I was already different.I suddenly don't care.

Recognition is tomorrow,and I have to have a dress.Miranda had many.She made me wear all and decided on a blue one.Its cute but I don't really care what to wear,because I will just get a medal and go home after.
Things would have been easier.
I tried a bit of foundation and I chose one that suited me and also a perfume.Goodness me,if course Miranda has a good taste.

"Are you done? Because I'm going to get back to work."She says and I mumble.
"Go,because I'll be doing anything freely."
Her head snaps back at me and gave me the death glare."Would you answer with some respect? I don't appreciate it."
I look at her one more time,"Fuck off."
She laughs the hell out of her and proceeds to her office.

I fix my hair in from of the mirror while she fixed a necklace.It must have given to ber by her past boyfriend,whatever she wants us to call him.
"I saw something cool in your room."She says then I looked at her through the mirror."Yeah?"
She smiles as she began to connect her necklace."The necklace that you have,its pretty,the crescent moon thing,the silver one."

I froze in my spot,my eyes go wide.Fuck.
The one that Brendon gave me.I left in laying on my dresser.After she admires her jewelry,she began to think."I don't remember you owning that,am I right? You don't like to wear one of those."Her brows knitted and I have to make a lie.
"I didn't like it at first,Marsha gave that to me last christmas,its was a gift."
She glares at me."I wished I had one,it is really pretty."
I roll my eyes as I watch her got out of the room.I quickly went upstairs and I find it on my desk.I pick it up and I clipped it around my neck.So that she won't be able to see it anymore.

I began to scroll through my phone that night,I was sitting on the sofa and it was 11 pm.I stayed up late as I scroll through my instagram when a message popped up.

I clicked at it and saw that it was Brendon who sent me a text.For god's sake,I shouldn't be communicating with him anymore.

' Congratulations in advance.Be a star for tomorrow,you deserve it. '

I try not to smile at this,but I'm touched that he still cares about me.
I was about to reply and he suddenly sent a voicemail.Should I listen to it? What if someone will hear it..

I got outside and I leaned on the doorframe.I set it to speaker and I hold up my phone,pressing the play button.

' I'm sorry,Alyssa,I only did that because I don't want to risk you.You are too special to me and I wouldn't want to let you go.But I have to,and you don't deserve someone like me..I..I...but just know that I...I love you,
please don't think I don't.'

As soon as I heard the last part,a hand took my phone from me and I face back to see her there behind me.She glared angrily and she throws my phone on the ground,she stepped on it until it cracked into pieces.
I held up my tears from falling as I felt her hand slap my face.