Who Was I Trying to be? • Brendon Urie

Chapter Forty-Five

Brendon's POV

"You're resigning?"

"Yes,maam."
"Brendon,please sit down."

"No I don't think I should."I said flatly,wanting to go.
"Please,we should talk about this."
I sighed and I walked towards the chair in front of her desk and sat down.
"What's wrong,Brendon?" She asks.
What's wrong? What's fucking wrong? I'm gonna leave my happiness.

I remember when I first came to her office to apply for my job.I was that emo haired boy who is an alumni from this school.
I was a complete dork.
"I just.."I look down to the floor.
How do I do this?
"Something happened.."I can't tell her the truth.I make a lie.
"I just realized that I can't be working here anymore,I can't teach here anymore.I loved teaching here,don't get me wrong,"

Her face falls as I speak."But I have to leave.And I'm sorry."

"Is there anything I can do to persuade you to stay?"She asks and I shook my head.

"I'm afraid no."I stand up.She stands up too and I held out my hand to shake with hers."But please just attend the recognition,and then you can leave,Brendon."

I wink at her."Of course,maam."
I got out of her office and I fix my shirt.I tousled up my hair and I went to my office to clean up.

-

Alyssa's POV

"Okay,class,were gonna have your recognition on March 23rd,I will organize your certificates and you don't have to worry about anything."

My teacher and my class are talking about our recognition.Me and Marsha aren't listening.

"You know,it has been a week."She says.

It has been a week since then.Brendon has been absent.
I wanted to call him,to ask him what's wrong but I decided against it because my aunt will be more suspicious about this.

So,I don't know if he has a reason.
Its so hard to forbid yourself from seeing him.

"Is he okay? Have you called him?"Marsha asks and I shook my head.

"I can't call him,my aunt monitors my phone."And that is true.
"What? She is seriously a fucking killjoy,I would call him if I were you,but I understand you."

Gosh.

"I'll just come to his house in secret."Marsha covers her mouth.
"Are you serious right now? That's dangerous,Ali."

I don't care anymore.

"No,I'll be fine.If she questions my whereabouts,just pm her that we are together,simple as that."

"Alright,but promise me that you'll take care of yourself."She says.

"I promise."

-

That day,I stuff my phone and wallet into my pocket and I brush my hair.I am going to Brendon and I have to leave in secret.
I can't let her know that I'm going to him or she'll be suspicious like last time when he brought me home.

I sneak up to the door and I ran out.I take a taxi and I tell the driver Brendon's address.
My phone rang and I leaned on back on the carseat."Are you in a taxi now?"I heard Marsha and sighed."Yes,you know what to do okay?"
"Of course I do."She said.

"Okay,bye."

I stuff my phone in my pocket and I look out of the window.I am getting nervous all of a sudden.I mean why would I be?
I shouldn't be.I should be worried about him right now.He hadn't showed up in a week at school.Its impossible to happen.

The taxi came to a halt and I pay the driver.I got out and I stood in front of his house,arguing with myself if I should go inside or not.I miss him,I should go see him.

I knock on his door three times and waited for him to answer.I wait a minute and I hear him shuffling from the inside and the door opened to reveal his face.

Instead of a smile,my mouth opened as I stared at him.His hair is messy,there are bags underneath his eyes,his eyes are sleepy as if he hadn't slept all night and he wears a t shirt and some sweats.Brendon always wore these kind of things when he is home,but he looks different.

He eyed me up and down like before,I remember that day when we are on vacation in Palisades,when his eyes raked my body up and down.
God,I shouldn't be daydreaming again.

He leaned on the doorframe."Can I come in?"I placed my hand on his arm and he looks down at it,then looks back up at me.
He backs up and I slowly walked in.
I hesistate to sit and I watch him close the door.He started to walk to the kitchen.

I follow him and I see him making some coffee.I came near him and I once again place my hand on his strong arm.I move my hand up and down and I hear him sigh."Are you okay?,"He breathes heavily and ran a hand to his hair."I haven't seen you in a week at school."I lean my face on his arm.He place his mug on the coffee maker.

Then he lifted me up to sit me on his counter top.Before I can even blink,I was taken aback by his swift actions when he suddenly pressed his lips on mine.His hands go to my waist and my hands go to his shoulders.After a little while,he pulled apart to breathe.He leaned his head on my chest and I felt him kiss it.He leaned his cheek there and I wrap my arms around him.

We stayed like that until I said something again.
I ruffle his hair and I pulled away a little to look at his face.I carressed his face and I am so concerned."You look so tired,"He closes his eyes."I was just busy with stuff last week,that's all."Well then.I got down from the counter top with his help and I saw a mess on his couch.

There are so many beer cans and bottles scatterred on the floor and I frown at this.What the fuck happened?
I look at him."Brendon,I'm not going to pretend that I didn't see that mess."

He sighs."Its nothing,Ali."
"No,it looks like that you are going through something.Can you tell me?"
He scratches the back of his neck.God,I want to let him sleep all day,he shouldn't be like this.

It looks like that he doesn't want to say something to me,I can tell because his face fell.

"We have to end it."

And my heart shattered.