Who Was I Trying to be? • Brendon Urie

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Brendon's POV

I regret that earlier.I regret what I fucking did.I am so stupid.

I should've let that happen,and we would've gone to bed right now.I don't know what came over me,I lost myself.I file up everything in my flashdrive and I leave my laptop on the couch so that I won't forget to bring it tomorrow.

I went to the kitchen and I quickly made some tea.I poured it into a mug and I shut off the lights and went upstairs.
I argued with myself to open my room or not,thinking that she won't let me inside.
I opened the door slightly and I peeked,she is lying on her side,her back facing me.I placed the mug on the nightstand and I did a quick change of my sleeping clothes.I came out of the bathroom and I crept slowly to sit on the bed."I know you're still awake."I said,because she moved a little.I stared at her small frame sadly,feeling all the regret.After a minute,I see her sit down and I saw that she is wearing one of my shirts,and no pants.She stared at me and noticed I am looking at her legs,then she immediately grabbed a pillow and placed it on top of her lap.She is silent for a moment,and I hear her sigh later on.

I grabbed the mug."Here,"I showed the tea in front of her and I handed it to her,our fingers brushing.I look at her while she took a big sip and after that she handed the mug back to me and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

I took a sip too.I placed the mug on the nightstand and I look at her again.Alyssa stared blankly into space,looking upset.Her eyes are stressed and so is her face.Her cheeks are wet and her hair is a mess.But she is still beautiful.
I sighed to myself,I should've let that happen,I'm sure we are already asleep right now.

"Alyssa,about a while ago-"She snapped quickly out of her daze and quickly said.
"No,its fine.I was just sleepy and I wanna sleep right now,please.."A tear fell on her cheek and she covered her face with her hair.She was about to lay down but I make her sit still."You're still upset,Sweetheart."She turns her back to me and I hear her sniff.I sit closer to her and I move the shirt down to reveal her shoulder,I kissed it softly and let my lips linger there for a while.I move her hair aside and I instinctively trailed my kisses to the back of her neck,kissing her nape softly and lingered there for a while.This made her shiver and I whispered."What is it?"She sighed deeply and she spoke finally,"Nothing.."I kissed the side of her neck,wrapping my arms around her waist."Tell me,I'll listen."

I moved to the headboard and I leaned my back on it,and I laid Alyssa's head on my chest.Her hands curled and so did her knees down there.My hand went to caress her thigh,rubbing it soothingly.
"It's just that its unfair."

I got confused about what she had said.
"What?"

She sniffs again,"We could never have a normal relationship.That we could go out in public.Something like that.But that's more likely impossible to happen."She said sadly and she curled up to my chest more.I pull her closer and kissed her head."I'm sorry I stopped you earlier,I don't know what came over me."I said softly.She sobbed and I hear her sniff.I look down at her and tucked a piece of hair falling on her forehead."It's okay,love,I'm here."I planted another kiss on her forehead and rocked her gently.I feel so bad for just apologizing so short.But I didn't want her to be stressed about this.Its hurting her,and it hurts to see her cry.

My hand went inside her shirt and rub her back soothingly.I place another kiss,this time on her hair.

"I love you.."I feel her breath hit my skin.

I didn't expect to hear this.

I held her tighter and I pull the covers up to us.I hear her steady breath.She's asleep,at last.My thoughts are racing while I think about what she had said.I wanna say it to her too,but she can't hear me anymore.

"I love you too.."I said whispered to her hair as I held her tighter,dozing off.

I woke up when I felt Alyssa untangled herself from me,and I opened my eyes to see her taking off my shirt."Where are you going?"I groggily said as I sat up,staring at her ass while she sat down again.She didn't say anything,and she took a hairbrush from my drawers and started to comb her hair.I move to her lazily and I hugged her from behind,my hands caressing her stomach.I know,she's half naked and I like it.I love to hug her naked body.

SMUT AHEAD,IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE,PLEASE DON'T READ IT.

I placed my lips on her shoulder and she shivered when it made contact on her skin.She stopped brushing her hair and began to comb it again with her fingers,still saying nothing.I began to leave wet kisses from her shoulder up to her neck,lingering my lips there as I feel her body tensed up.My hands,palming her through her panties.She stopped picking at her hair when my other hand went to cup her right breast.

She lets out a moan and I'm happy to hear it,my morning is complete.My fingers skillfully played her nipple,while my other hand is still palming her.Her hands immediately went to my arms.Her head falls back and leaned on my shoulder,giving me more access to place more wet kisses on her neck.I bit her earlobe softly,earning a grunt from her.My hand on her went inside her panties,touching her and she arches her back on me."Brendon,I don't think- ooh.."She whimpers as my finger rub her clit so gently.I lay us down with her on top of me and I feel her hand went to my hand.I rub her clit more,earning another whimper from her and she bit her hand to stop herself from moaning.My hand on her breast worked like a pro,treating her in a special way.I lift my head a bit to suck on her neck,while she struggled and squirmed on top of me,trying to hold on to something.

Without hesistation,my whole hand is palming her.My fingers roughly moved faster than ever.Alyssa arches her back again on top of me and I honestly want to take her right here.My hand moved in circles and she was a moaning mess on top of me,she couldn't even mutter a word."Bren..I..oh god..don't stop.."I removed my hand from her panties and I sit us back up.She was confused at first and I pulled her legs to where her butt hung off the bed.She propped herself on her elbows."Bren,I don't think we should..aah.."I push her to lay down while I sucked her already hard nip.I swirled my tongue to soothe it and my hand went back to work magic between her legs,and moved her underwear aside.

I immediately got down and devour her with no mercy.Alyssa's head poked up and I continued to kiss and lick her.Her hips bucked and I struggled to grip them,wrapping her legs around my neck."Brendon..please..I can't.."She mutters while she fights her moans.I swirled my tongue on her and I suck vigoriously.My hands went up to her breasts.I flicked my tongue and I replaced it with my lips again,kissing her wet core."Brendon.."

"Hm?"She pulled at my hair.

I continue to eat her."Brendon..please.."I shrugged if off,continuing to lick her."Please,Bren..stop.."I heard her say as she whimpered while saying my name.I remove her legs from my neck.I stopped and I rose up to sit beside her.She took her underwear from the floor and put it on quickly."Where are you going?"I ask while she looked for her bra.She found it under the bed and she struggled to clip it.I move to her back and clipped it for her.

"I'm going home."She said and looked for her shirt and she changed.I sat there on my bed like an idiot.I ran a hand through my hair."Stay in for breakfast."I said and she braided her hair."No thanks.."She looks at her self and fixed her shirt."Okay.."I said in defeat.I remembered what happened last night,she remembered it too.I look at her."I have to go."

"Darling-"
She rushes to my door and she left.I lay down my head on the bed and sighed,I palm slapped my face.I felt guilty.I feel bad for her.I regret what I did.I should've let her.She was in love with me,and I felt guilty for making her.This is all my fault.