Who Was I Trying to be? • Brendon Urie

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Brendon's POV

I walked to the classroom the next day and sat my laptop on the desk.

"Good Morning.Today,I'm going to let you practice for your performances and I expect it to be wonderful."

I said as I fixed up my glasses and the students began to move their chairs to communicate with each other.

I instructed them to have a little dance and song number to kill time for the upcoming prom,and it would be wonderful for the principal to see.

Out of the corner of my eye,I catch Alyssa staring at me and her head immediately turned away once she saw me.I wanted to ask her if she's going to perform something,but I decided against it.

She needs space and I respect that,yet it hurts me to see that she doesn't want to talk to me.I understood,of course.

I exactly know the reason.My stupidity.I was wrong,I was weak,and I fucking hate myself for being a dick.

It felt awkward and bad by not talking to her.Normally before,we used to steal kisses at the janitor's closet,in my car,in the ladies room,behind a tree and everything that's private.Oh,in Starbucks too.

Because every morning before,I'd buy her a caramel latte and she would thank me forever.It became a routine.But now I don't know if it still is.

I am hurt by this of course.I'm afraid that it happened and it really did.And it hurts to see her turn away from me.We used to secretly stare at each other during class and I loved it.

Some students will ask me why I trailed off or what,and I would say that I saw something beautiful,and that would be the clouds from outside.

I sit on the chair behind the desk and I opened my laptop to finish my work.
I hear soem talk about using an instrument,some would sing and I haven't heard from the backseat.

I close my laptop and I saw Marsha coming towards me."Mr.Urie can I ask something?"

"Of course,my dear."I say,secretly stealing glances at Alyssa."Would you mind if I can rap with Kevin for prom? I understand if you don't let us.."

Rap? Of course,you can do whatever the fuck you want,because I want to see Alyssa right now and you are blocking her from my vision.

"You can do anything as long as it is not violent,now skeddadle there and talk to Kevin."
I said and she thanked me and she went back to sit down.

I secretly stalk her with my eyes while I covered my face by reading a paper while staring at her.
She always looked gorgeous ever since I layed eyes on her.

God,this is harder than I thought.At first,I couldn't contain myself and I would be thinking all about her every night.

And that goes on.She is silent the whole time,and I want to talk to her so badly.

Like right now.Right now.And that would be strange beause students are here.

I push up my glasses up to my nose,avoiding her with my own eyes.
I know that she hates me right now that if I stare at her,she woulde hate me even more.

And I try not to be that idiotic me.And that goes on until prom.

Alyssa's POV

I would never let myself dance and sing to that stupid prom.

Now that he is expecting all of us to participate? Bullshit.

I took out my bondpaper and my pen,and then I moved my chair to the corner of the room.

Marsha looks at me,eyeing me.
"What the fuck are you doing? We are still in class idiot!"

She whisper-yelled at me,pointing at Brendon.

I simply wrote a "fuck you" on my bondpaper with my permanent marker and I held the paper up so she can see it.

She then throws a pen at me and I successfully blocked it.Asshole.

I'm not angry at Brendon,I'm angry at myself.And I think its best that we shouldn't be talking anymore,because all of those moments will all be gone.

I secretly sketched Brendon's face while he is working.I know,I'm an idiot for prentending.

Its so hard and it hurts.Well,it really hurts.

I crumple up my bondpaper and I discarded it in the bin.

I fix up my desk as I noticed Brendon.He is staring at me again.I don't dare to look at him.It'll hurt even more and I can't handle it.