Hamilton One Shots

Not ship- Burr and Hamilton

Hello guys, I have returned with another one-shot. With this one, I am not shipping Burr with Hamilton but this idea came to mind and I thought "Hey, why not write this?" So here it is, hope you enjoy :)

[Burr's POV]

Death. Something many people associate me with. You can do every good thing in life, and you bringing death upon someone still makes you a terrible person. So, how is it that Hamilton- a man that has cheated on his wife, abused the government's money and his own status, responsible for killing his own son and bringing me down from the highest potential I could have- end up as a good man, and all the pent-up negativity he had was all passed on to me. I am seen as the villain of this story, yet he was the one that provoked me, he was the one that let me shoot my shot, he was the one who came as if he was ready to kill, glasses for perfect aim, fiddling with his gun as if this shot meant life or death. If he were to shoot up into the sky, he didn't need to do all of this. I wanted the best for my daughter, and I wouldn't want her to be an orphan, to suffer what I have been through. I couldn't bear the thought and shot my shot.

Would I still be a villain if I never killed Hamilton? If I shot him in the side, injuring him, but not killing him, would I still be a villain? Would my daughter not have to live in the shame she lives in now, have to perish with this above getting over her mother? I didn't know anymore, but the guilt still lives in me.

Guilt. Another word that gives you shivers even thinking about it. Only those who truly have felt it would hate the word. And coming from someone who took another's life, I would say that you can't imagine the guilt. It stings more than a bullet through a brain, stays longer than any scar or burn. It is a monster, constantly reminding you of what you had done, what you deserve. And believe me, at this stage, I would rather have died than kill the most hated man in the world. Still, I wonder, if I were back in that minute of shooting Hamilton and just so happened to miss, would I still become the man I was today.

Silence. A man's best friend, but also a man's worst enemy. You can tell silence everything, from your secrets to your opinions and everything in between, and it will never judge you, never state its opinion. But, with every optimist, there is a pessimist. Silence can be scary, especially if you're in shock. Silence has followed me, and it makes it lonely, outcasting me and making me look different, like I don't belong, no matter where you are. Even when I walk through these streets, through the town I had once lived in, bustling with life as it always was, it still remains eerily quiet. 

Did I deserve everything I've been through? Of course not! But with every passing day, I couldn't help but wonder if I really deserved it. Ever since that day, I was labelled the sinner, the villain, and completely forgotten. No one thought I deserved the title of "vice-president", because I killed the "oh so great" Hamilton. But I feel like he's a ghost. Every bar I go to, every place of enjoyment, I see the ghost of his face, smiling, young and free, excited for who he was to become, who he wanted to be. And it stops me from enjoying myself too. 

I was being so selfish all this time, that I didn't let realise he died because of me. Here I was looking like I was the victim, but the truth was he was. God always tells us that we can forgive and forget. Eliza had forgiven Hamilton for not only cheating on her but killing her son. Phillip would forgive him: Hamilton was only trying to keep an ounce of honour for him. He would've done the right thing, even though he got killed at the end. Unlike me, who has only brought shame unto my family. Could I be forgiven for all I've done? Or will I ever be forgiven?

It has been 1 whole year since the incident, and not a day since has passed where I have regretted what I had done. He still haunts me, and it hurts to think of what I have done. I did contact Eliza one time, seeking forgiveness in tears and hoping everything would become normal. She was far too sweet and forgave me in a heartbeat. I didn't deserve it! I was supposed to be unforgiven.

I reached my final destination, the clouds thick and grey, cold and blustering wind in the air, just like that morning. I felt numb even thinking about me. I walked inside, looking around at the empty hall. No one would be here at this time. No one here to see someone so shamed see the man far superior to him. I walked to the graveyard and there was no surprise that the first shine I could see was his one. Bright and beautiful, touched by many who had once known him. All but me. I didn't deserve it.

I ran my hand along the engraving, making it thicker with each brush of my finger. I could feel a little amount of proudness for him, that he is looked after and well-respected for all he had done. Even if I killed him in the end. Would he still forgive me for taking that away from him?

"Alexander." No answer. I stared blankly at his name, numbness and silence filling all the gaps. Of course.

"Long time no talk, old friend." I didn't want to feel anything. Would he even come to me if I, of all people, came to pay my respects?

"You've certainly made a name for yourself here. Everyone knows you, and at this point, you're more popular than me!" I laughed sadly, the quiet around me only thickening. It's a lot harder to talk to someone who isn't there, especially when you owe them so much.

Realisation. Sometimes slow and gradual, other times it drops like a rock, hits you hard in the face. At this minute, after a full year, a few of those days in tears, realisation had knocked me to my knees, punched me square in the stomach. I remembered his face, fresh in my mind, every day since I  had shot him, shock evident on his face. It was meant for me only, whispering that this was all my fault. "I didn't think you would do this, Burr..." That look was for me and me only. HE even expected so much better from me. 

A few tears left my eyes, my throat constricted and I started sobbing. In front of my friend, my enemy, my victim, my burden. I cried for my daughter, who had to carry the burden of my shame, bringing disappointment for all my descendants. I cried for Eliza, who was now husbandless because I killed the one person who held her together. And I cried for him. Hamilton motivated me in so many ways when he was younger, looking at America as if it were data to sort, a puzzle to fix. And he did. And he could've lived longer to see the greatest part of it. If I didn't kill him.

"H... Hamilton," I looked up from my crouched position, looking at his name, feeling his absence, missing his laugh, his grin, his attitude that uplifts the atmosphere. Him. My voice sounded dry, cracking and shaking.

"Forgive me." I barely muttered it, too weak to say it. But with that, I became undone, tears pouring out of my eyes. I couldn't stop them, nor could I stop the anger coursing through me. I have become something more than a failure, more than a villain. 

A devil.

"FORGIVE ME!" I screamed out, the pain throbbing in my chest too much to bear. Right there, I shot Hamilton and this pain is miles more painful than any bullet I could've taken. I grit my teeth, releasing my contained self-loathing, grief, guilt and every shameful emotion imaginable. Hamilton was a great man. And I was a demon, blinded by hate and bias.

But I heard something in the wind that made all my pain and guilt disappear. Just for a moment. The hurting in my chest also vanished, sobs dying down, and I felt more tears drop, the ghost of a hand burning into my shoulder, telling me he was here.

"I'll always forgive you."

WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH ME AAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I swear a good 90% of these stories have tears in. AGH! Story of my life son! 

Hope you've enjoyed the 10% of these stories. I AM still open to suggestions, so drop them in the comments :p

Be potates!

                         ~Spud🥔