Breaking My Heart (On-Going)

Chapter 18

Autumn's POV

Tulala lang ako sa kisame, hanggang ngayon kasi ay hindi pa rin maproseso ng utak ko ang mga pinagsasabi ni Rence. Well, kahit papaano ay ipinagpapasalamat ko naman ang hindi na pagtatanong pa ang mga magulang ko.

I sighed.

The turning of events in my life was just a whirlwind. I can't imagine that the guy I've loved the most for almost half of my existence was finally proposing to be my boyfriend. I just couldn't believe it!!

He's the reason why you've suffered. Paalala ng isang bahagi ng utak ko. But thinking that he loved me too makes the misery I've been through all those years  disappeared. Para bang nahanap ng puso at pagkatao ko ang kanlungan na matagal na nitong hinahanap. Napangiti ako. He's really something.

My thoughts of him disappeared when someone knock on my door.
"Come in", sigaw ko pa, natatamad akong bumangon mabuti na lang at hindi ko na iyon inilock.

"Can we talk", it's my cousin who came in. He's just wearing a white v-neck shirt and a cargo pants. He sat on the edge of my bed.

Agad ko siyang binalingan. " About what?", I asked him.

Tiningnan pa niya akong muli bago nagsalita. "About you and Rence", sagot niya na nakapagpataas ng kilay ko.

"What about him and me?", patay malisyang tanong ko pabalik.

"What's the real score between you two?", I almost choked on his follow up question.

Tumikhim ako bago sumagot. "There's nothing going on between us", I honestly said, but he doesn't look convinced at all.

"That's not what I saw earlier, Autumn, the way he held you was really  something", pagpapatuloy niya.

"It's nothing really", pangungumbinsi ko pa but he just shook his head.

"Do you still love him?", that question really caught me off guard. Hindi agad ako nakasagot. Pinakiramdaman kong maigi ang aking sarili.

I have loved him. Yes and I admitted that, but right now I can't tell what I really felt for him.

"You still love him", tila ba ay siguradong pahayag ni Sky.

"I don't know", kapagkuwan ay naisagot ko na lang.

"You do, the fact na hindi mo agad masabi na hindi mo na siya mahal gives me an assurance that you still love him, you are just doubting but you still do love him", tila ba ay isang  abogado na saad niya. Napanganga naman ako sa sinabi niya. Muli ay kinapa ko kung ano na nga ba talaga ang nararamdam ko para kay Rence. I don't know pa rin talaga eh!.

I shook my head. "Ewan ko ba", tanging naisagot ko na lang then I sighed.

"Just don't do something na ikapapahamak mo", he said as a piece of advice. Ano to, pinagkakatiwala na ba niya ako sa kaibigan niya??!!

"What if I still love him, would you approve of him as my boyfriend?", lakas loob na tanong ko upang makumpirma ang hinala.

"Why not? Kung siya ang makapagpapasaya sa iyo eh bakit hindi", seryosong saad niya. I knew it!!! Pero ang ipinagtataka ko talaga ay kung bakit?? He knew what happened but he's acting like it was just nothing.

"Really?", hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. Still not convinced with the idea of him agreeing with his bestfriend to be my boyfriend.

"Yeah, besides matanda ka na, you already knew kung ano ang makabubuti sa iyo, you can also decide on your own now", ngayon ay sumilay na ang ngiti sa kaniyang labi.

Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili ko. Agad ko siyang sinunggaban ng yakap, halos mahulog pa siya sa kama ng dahil sa ginawa ko.

"Damn it A, may balak ka bang patayin ako?", I can't help but laugh at his reaction.

"Thank you", yun lang ang naisagot ko sa kaniya.

"But I didn't know what he feels about me? The last time I checked kasi eh he hates me", nalulungkot na pahayag ko naman kapagkuwan.

Speaking of truth. Until now eh hindi pa rin kasi ako kumbinsido na may gusto sa akin si Rence! Well, masisisi mo ba ako?? He hates me, that's the only thing he's feeling for me, and take note ipinagsisigawan niya iyon...... NOON, ewan ko na lang NGAYON?? But I learned my lesson already, hindi na dapat ako basta basta nagpapaniwala sa mga pinagsasabi ng tao unless I've proved it. Sabi nga nila, you use your brain for judging and not your heart.

Tinaasan niya naman ako ng kilay."Why don't you ask him then?".

"Ayoko nga", nakangusong sagot ko sa kaniya.

"Why?", he asked.

"I'm afraid", natatakot ako na baka pala hindi niya talaga ako gusto, well at least kahit gusto man lang diba? I'm afraid that he's just doing those stuff to make up with what happened in the past which I highly doubt he would do because he never knew what really happened then....

" Afraid of what??",

"Basta ayaw ko, malalaman ko naman kasi iyon, hello babae ako kaya mararamdaman ko iyon", pagpapalusot ko. I am trying to divert the topic. Well at least my palusot is kind of true naman.

"Ewan ko sa iyo A, by the way mauna na ako, maaga pa ako bukas eh", he said in the tone of dismissal. I just nod.

"Good night", I said.

Hindi na siya sumagot pa. He just pat my head and silently exited my room.

Once again I was left alone. Unlike before, I would feel the emptiness that will automatically envelope  me once I was alone but now is different, even though I'm alone here in my room, I feel at home. I feel the warmth that it was giving me.

Out of nowhere I found my self smiling. Tama nga nila, it's really something to be back home...

I drown to sleep together with my thoughts.

The next morning I was up early. Wala pa ni isa sa mga kasama ko sa bahay ang gising maliban sa mga maids namin.

I was having my coffee in our living room when the main door opens. There I saw Tito and Tita entered the house. Mabilis akong tumayo at binati sila.

"Good morning Tita", nagbeso pa ako sa kaniya.

Ganundin ay binalingan ko si Tito."Good morning Tito". He just nod as response.

"I can't believe it, napakaganda mo nang bata ka", exaggerated na pahayag ni Tita na iginiya ko paupo sa couch sa living room. She even hold my face and pinch it.

"Thank you Tita, I'll take that as a compliment", nakangiting sagot ko.

"I'm really so happy to see you again, Autumn and by the way I forgot to greet you a happy birthday", oo nga pala, today is my birthday.

"Iyong regalo namin mamaya na namin ibibigay sa party, for now we have to rest from our long and  tiring flight to be able to enjoy your party later tonight", I just nod.

When Tita stand up, Tito follows her afterwards. Seems like wala pa rin silang ipinagbabago, Tita was still the same cheerful lady I've known before while Tito was still silent and serious one.

Mabilis kong tinapos ang pagkakape ko. Umakyat ako sa kuwarto ko upang maligo at magbihis. I've decided to go out, to have some quality time with my self. Ipinabilin ko na lang sa mga maids namin na aalis ako so they don't have to worry anymore.

I get inside my car and once again I let the conscious part of my mind to drive me somewhere where I can find peace.

Tonight will be a long night so I needed to recharge, maybe seeing a peaceful place will help, I guess.

To be continued.............................

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