delicate • s.r. {completed}

• chapter six •

TW: panic attack

The drive to Spencer's place was uncomfortable. You knew he was upset that you lied, but you never tell anyone the truth. You don't want their pity, and all it does is bring the horrible memories to the surface.

He stopped behind his building, parking the car in a secluded spot away from the street. You got out and grabbed your bag, waiting for him to start walking. He didn't.

What is he doing?

"Y/N, I know this is probably really uncomfortable for you. At least, it's uncomfortable for me. I just..." He trailed off. Maybe he didn't know what to say.

"Spence, I'm fine. We're fine, okay? Can we just go inside?"

He nodded, leading you inside the building and up a flight of stairs. The building looked old, like it had been around for a long time. He unlocked his door, walking in and throwing his keys onto a table a ways away from the door. He took off his jacket as you came inside, setting it on the table as well.

His apartment was small. The walls were green, different colored furniture around the room. He had shelves stuffed with books, very similar to yours. There was a couch facing the window, a red tapestry-like carpet underneath. You liked his apartment.

"You can set your things in the bedroom. Would you like anything to drink?"

You shook your head, walking into his bedroom. It was neat, the bed made and the floor clear of any clutter. It was very minimalistic, and you liked it. His smell was all over the room, and all you wanted was to breathe it in. You might've changed your sheets to get rid of it last night, but you loved the way he smelled. It was so comforting.

He walked in behind you, clearly trying to stay a good distance away from you. Maybe he thought you would try and kiss him again.

"What are you thinking about?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "I don't know. I feel weird, icky. I didn't expect my past to bleed into my new life. I tried so hard to get away from the war, but it still haunts me and I hate it. I just want one moment of peace, but I can't catch a break."

He didn't say anything, just stood there. You knew it was hard to respond to that. If he had said that to you, you would be silent for hours.

"What do you need?"

You turned to him, his eyes full of concern. He wasn't angry with you anymore. You felt a little better.

"Can I shower? I need to wash this off of me."

He nodded, motioning for you to follow him. He led you to his bathroom, opening it for you to go inside. He grabbed a towel from a closet, handing it to you.

"Take as long as you need, okay?" You nodded, closing the door as he left.

You quickly stripped, all of a sudden feeling like your clothes were suffocating you. You needed to be clean, now.

You turned on the water and stepped into the shower, feeling a little better. You stuck your head under the water, letting it run over your face and hair. It was refreshing.

You looked around at what he had in his shower. Pretty basic stuff, nothing that smelled bad. Well, obviously. He doesn't smell bad, Y/N.

You took his shampoo and started scrubbing your scalp, wincing as you scratched too hard. Chill, Y/N.

You rinsed it out, continuing the rest of your normal shower routine. You thought showering would make you feel better, but you started to feel worse and worse. The heavy feeling on your chest only got heavier, and you were struggling to breathe. You stopped the shower, getting out and trying to regain some control.

You were hyperventilating, your breaths loud in the sudden silence. Tears started to spring into your eyes. You were panicking.

You crouched down, putting your hand on the sink to steady yourself. Even thought you tried, the sobs still left your body. And they were loud.

You heard soft knocks on the door, Spencer's voice ringing out through the room.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" What a dumb question that was.

He turned the door knob, cautiously opening the door. Your body started to convulse, your breathing getting faster and shallower. He quickly came in a crouched next to you, searching your face. He hesitantly set his hand on your back and you tensed. He drew you close like he had when you had nightmares, trying to get you to calm down.

He rocked back and forth ever so slightly, the motion allowing your breathing to slow down and become deeper. You continued to cry, turning your head into his chest and gripping his shirt.

Everything in your life was falling apart. How in the hell were you supposed to get through this?

Spencer's hand moved to your head, stroking your wet hair. He didn't care that you were making his clothes get wet, he didn't care that you were naked, he didn't care that you barely knew each other. Just the thought of that started to calm you down.

Your sobs quieted down, small whimpers leaving your mouth instead. You've been here before, just like the hotel.

He grabbed the towel you had from the counter, draping it over your body. You just realized how cold you were.

He stood up and left the room momentarily. He came back with your go bag, pulling clothes out of it. He handed you articles of clothing and left the room again, closing the door again and letting you get dressed.

You put on your underwear and a large t-shirt, not bothering to put on pants. He's seen you naked, who cares.

You walked out of the bathroom and saw him sitting on his bed. He looked up as you walked in, his face holding all the questions he wanted to ask, but wouldn't.

"I'm sorry."

He stood up and walked over to you, taking your hands in his. "Don't apologize. You're in an extremely stressful situation you probably thought you'd never be in. It's okay, Y/N. Never apologize for showing your emotions."

You sniffled, looking at your feet. He drew you in for a proper hug, swaying a little as he held you. Just 30 minutes ago he was keeping a safe distance from you. Now, he was hugging you and comforting you. What the hell was this thing between you two?

You felt exhausted. All you wanted was sleep. He seemed to know that, walking you over to his bed and helping you in. Just like the hotel.

You laid on your side, looking at him as he crouched next to you. His face held so many emotions, and you couldn't figure them out. You were too tired anyway.

"Get some sleep, Y/N. You need it. Get me if you need anything, okay?" You nodded.

He leaned in and kissed your forehead, his lips warm against your skin. You closed your eyes, the feeling of him kissing you and the smell of his sheets dragging you down into sleep.