Virgil's Journal (Sander Sides | Prinxiety)

19

18th july 2020

The energy this morning was every positive since the success of Thomas.

Patton baking cookies, giving Thomas a dad talk, Logan studying theatre sind easing up around us a big more, and Roman having a never ending smile on his face while singing Disney songs.

Since the panic attack, Princey has been checking up on me more which I think is sweet. Pointless, but sweet nonetheless.
He told me, 'Whenever you do get a panic attack, you can always come to me- I'll help. Also, if you do ever go through it alone, make sure to come to me after it, okay? It will be good for you to get out of that mindset.'

I've never felt the way I do before, it's new, but I love it. I don't want this feeling to fade, ever. He makes me feel happy, he makes me feel wanted. That in itself is a completely new feeling for me.

Anyway, after the audition I stopped isolating, which Patton seemed overjoyed by. He also told me that he wanted to teach me his recipe for cookies tonight, so I will write how that goes.

It's been a good day so far.

—

Okay, so it's now 5PM and I've finished baking with Patton. This is how it went:
I walked downstairs with my headphones in, listening to cavetown.

"Hey, kiddo! You ready for father- son baking lessons?" Patton spoke in an overly cheerful voice, practically bouncing from excitement.

"You better be, he's already got all the ingredients out and has been talking about it for hours on end!" Princey announced, walking towards the kitchen where Patton and I stood.

"Heh, yeah. I guess I'm ready.."

"YES! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" I laughed as Patton screeched.

"Do you perhaps need a hand in assistance?" Princey spoke in his royal voice. Patton nodded as I gave him my iconic thumbs up.
Princey said how he's been meaning to learn a few cooking skills so he was happy how we accepted his offer. We mainly laughed and hand fun, Pat telling his best dad jokes. Pat was just telling us what to do and giving us motivation, Roman and I did the work as a team, getting along really well with a few light hearted side comments.

"Okay, they're ready to go in the oven! Great job, kiddos!" Pat says in his fatherly voice. I lent on the counter as Princey set the timer.

"Thank you so much for showing us, Pat! I had a lot of fun!" Princey said now standing next to the counter I'm currently on top of.

"Oh! Thomas needs me! I'll be right back you guys." Patton smiles, sinking down. Princey turned over to me.

"So, how have you been?" He spoke in a quieter voice.

"U-uh, good." I lied.

"For some reason that doesn't seem like the truth."

"Oh, yeah? How would you know?" I say, more defensive.

"You're doing that thing where you hide your hands in your jacket which you always do when you lie."

"O-oh. You did your homework on me, huh?"

"I guess so- anyway, tell me the truth."

UGH. Why on earth would I ever tell you the t-

"Not too great." I- did I seriously say that? Kill me.

"You never said anything." It honestly sounded more like a question then a statement.

"I-.. I was nervous to, I guess." He sighed when I said that. Then he moved closer.

"You know that I care about you... or do you? Well, I do. I care about you, Virge. I'm trying my best to make sure I'm not getting too involved since I know that would make you uncomfortable. I'm trying my hardest to not tell the others how much pain you do truly go through- but you don't tell me anything and that doesn't help the position i'm in. What will it take for you to understand I care? What will it take to gain your trust? I want to protect you but it's hard when you don't think you should be protected. All I'm saying is that I want you to know that I am here for you, I always will be. I want you to know that I care for you, I always have. And I want you to understand that you can trust me, okay? It's okay to let your walls down sometimes, Vee."

I tried my best not to cry, playing with the sleeves of my hoodie. I gave a shaky sigh and pulled him close, hugging him. It was weird, I normally hate physical contact but with him it felt okay. He was tense but melted into my touch, playing with a few strands of my hair.

"J-just.., after an anxiety attack, please text me at least? We can just text eachother until you feel a bit better or we can both just relax and watch some Tim Burton, yeah?"

I smile and nod, wiping away a few of my tears with my jacket sleeve.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me." He said, now wiping away my tears for me.
I leaned into the warmth of his hand until we hear an ungodly screech.

Surely enough, it was Patton.

"WHO HURT MY DARK STRANGE SON?!" He yelled, rushing over to me and the prince.

"N-nobody, dad. Happy tears, heh.." I say, trying my hardest not to stutter. He hugged me, relieved.

"Thank the heavens! Well, let's get these cookies out of the oven!" He beamed.

Maybe things will be okay, I just need to work on myself a bit... -y-yeah, that's it. Maybe, Roman could be the one to help me..