you in my voice (bxb)

vingt-six

Vingt-six - Twenty-Six

Maybe speaking up truly did have an effect. A week passed by, and Eden felt a bit more comfortable after allowing Fay to see a side of him that no one else ever had. After all of that time he had spent convincing himself that he could never speak about his past, it turned out that he had been wrong.

Seeing that Eden seemed to be a bit more focused than usual, Mia yet again invited him over. They say at her dinning room table, a game of Mouse Trap laid out in front of them. For the millionth time, Tom and Mia had broken up. Meaning that there was a bit of any awkward aura surrounding the pair. But that didn't stop Mia from being happy and inclusive.

Eden was still in pain. So much pain, it was still almost unbearable. However, it became just a little bit more tolerable. He felt just a little bit more alive. He was slowly coming to the conclusion that he had been wrong about a lot of things.

Nothing would ever be okay. Yet at the same time, things were going to get better. Memories and past experiences didn't just vanish into thin air. Screwing boys didn't result in forgetting unwarranted hands on his body. Covering up scarred skin didn't result in self-love. Avoiding food didn't result in thick skin.

What he was learning, was the start of an incline. Eden was figuring out where lines should have been set, and where he was meant to stand. That didn't mean that he was perfect now that he had spoken to one other person about his past trauma; he was never going to be perfect. It simply meant that he was alright.

"Your turn!" Mia snapped him out of his thoughts. He went through the motions, moving his character along the board. He found it to be oddly relaxing.

Eden struggled with trust more than almost anything else. He sat in a room full of people who he was meant to call his friends. Mia, with her large smile and brown hair. Tom sat at the opposite end of the table awkwardly, all pent-up energy and fleeting experiences. Rory and Jordan, who looked at each other in a way that Eden recognized. It was the same way that he looked at Fay.

Eden was starting to come to a new conclusion. He liked Fay. He was beginning to trust him. But they couldn't be together, and that hurt the most. Eden loved the feeling of laying in Fay's arms. He loved hearing Fay sing softly when he thought no one was listening. He always did it during long moments of silence. Almost subconsciously.

But nothing was going to come of it.

Eden was not in the proper mental state to worry about a relationship, and he didn't think that Fay would even like him like that anyway. What he needed to focus on was his own mind, not someone else's. And he couldn't ask for Fay to wait for him. That wouldn't have been fair. Fay deserved so much more than what Eden could provide him with.

As much as it pained Eden to think about it, he knew that it was only necessary. He had never liked someone like that, but it was only fitting that his luck would be so against him. Of course he would begin to fall for someone the moment that he needed to be independent the most. When he needed to not have to worry about anything other than his own thoughts, because they had become so toxic.

Thoughts of Fay ran through Eden's mind, and thoughts of Eden ran through Fay's mind.

He stood on the stoop leading to a pale blue house with the intention of getting things done. It was his top priority. Fay was so worried about Eden, constantly thinking up different ways to help him, because he wanted nothing more than to see him okay.

Fay couldn't take the idea of failing everyone. He was already losing grip on both Eden and Charlot. Now he was finally beginning to tighten his grip on one of them. He wished that he could do the same with Char, but it was somehow even more fragile with his own brother. Char had borderline personality disorder, and without medication or treatment, it often resulted in only worsening their already strained relationship.