you in my voice (bxb)

dix-huit

Dix-huit - Eighteen

Eden felt better today. He didn't feel as great as he wished he did, but he felt better. With much deliberation, he was able to keep down enough food to calm his body and mind. The images of Piper began to slow down long enough for him to think straight. For the first time in a while, Eden felt good enough to get through a day without another breakdown.

The party raged on around him as he found himself sat on a table. He ventured to guess that there used to be a lamp occupying the spot, but if that were true, it was long gone by then. He lazily kicked his feet, trying to ignore the people occupying the two couches on either side of him. The table he was on was wedged in a corner, giving him a full view of the room.

His fishnet gloves clung to his hands as he flicked the lighter on. Smoking had become one of his only outlets that wasn't associated with Piper. However, there was still someone that it was associated with. The ashtrays covering every surface of the dirty white house was forever engrained into his memory. He was fairly sure that the secondhand smoke alone was enough to kill him. Yet, he found himself smoking of his own accord.

Maybe it was familiarity that always drew him back to a cigarette. Shrugging the whole idea away, Eden decided that he wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon, so there was simply no point in thinking about it. Instead, he focused on the burning of the smoke in his lungs, and the alcohol he continuously poured down his throat.

The idea of getting drunk always sounded so nice. And it always turned out to be pleasant while it lasted. But the next morning he always woke up feeling worse than he had the night before. Eden was more scared of getting too drunk and throwing up what he finally managed to keep down. So, though he was drinking some alcohol, he wasn't going to get completely shitfaced.

Every party he went to further lowered his expectations of hearing good music. Yes, he knew that good music was a relative term, but he was still annoyed that he never heard any songs that he knew or liked. However, it was inevitable when he enjoyed classic rock over new pop.

His green eyes searched the room for any sign of Mia, Tom, or Jordan. He knew that they were still there since they were his ride, but they ended up getting separated when Mia and Tom disappeared into the crowd to dance and Jordan went out back to smoke pot.

Since Eden didn't really know anyone else outside of them and Rory, he remained by himself on the table. People on the couches were all over each other, practically having sex. It was enough to make most people want to throw up, but Eden endured it.

As he was smoking his cigarette and sipping his alcohol, he spotted an interesting sight at the far side of the room.

He watched as Fay entered the room and looked around as though he was lost. His eyes were red and his face was flushed. He had clearly been crying. For some unknown reason, Eden was tempted to approach the boy and ask what was wrong. But he suppressed that thought.

They weren't friends. They were just a hookup. In fact, Eden seriously wished that he never told Fay anything at all. His past was meant to stay that way. He wasn't supposed tell anyone about it. Especially not someone who he wasn't friends with.

But when Fay saw those scars, Eden panicked. No matter how many times he had recited what to say if in the event that someone found out, he still failed miserably. He said too much and now he was suffering the consequences.

Sometimes he hated how self-destructive he was. Every time that he had the opportunity to finally open up to someone, he always added another lock to the steel door of his mind. But then again, opening up to someone always ended in regret. Every time Eden trusted someone with his woes, they only further damaged him.