The love of a demigod | HeroSteve (On Ice for a while)

-36- Failure or Not? (18+)

(THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES SUICIDE, SELFHARM AND DEPRESSING THOUGHTS! PASS IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS!)

(Rico's FoV)
I have no clue what has gotten into me. Strangling a demon is probably a bad idea, but a depressed demon? Hero never did anything to me, he wanted to strike up a friendly conversation.
And I just choked him.
I sighed and flopped onto the bed, my face in the fluffy pillows. My hands gripped the sides of the pillow, pressing them against my head as I just let out a muffled scream into it.
After a while I turned on my back, sighing. Why did I do what I did?
Was it because I don't like Steve as much as Hero does?
Was it because I fear Steve could harm Hero?
Was it because I... I care for him?
I noticed that something had gone wrong a while ago. Somehow, I started to care for the demon, more than I actually did for myself. I grew scared that he could get hurt, and in fear I clung to Seto.
Now that Seto is gone... I think my feelings got out. All of my rage, pain and agony got out, and Hero was the only one that was there at this moment.
I'm a terrible person.
I sighed again, hugging my blanket tightly. Maybe it's better if I sleep for a while...

(Three hours later)
(Herobrines' FoV)
Steve had left the house, leaving me and Rico alone.
I sat in my room, grasping the bloody knife in my hands, the blood from my arms dripping to the floor.
A failure...
I'm nothing more than a fucking mistake. Useless and hated. Used for nothing more but their own entertainment.
I bit on my lower lip, tearing up.
No. I shouldn't do this. Not for Steve. He'd be heartbroken.
But at the same time... Would he be? Notch hates me, Rico hates me, why wouldn't Steve hate me?
I'm just a useless demon in this world, taking up space for someone that has more skills than me.
I can't do anything right. Everything I do is either wrong or useless.
Just like I am.
I got everything set up. Just... A few more moments.
My heart started beating faster and harder against my chest as if my body tried to tell me to not do this. But at the same time, my mind told me to just end it once and for all. No one would miss me, and I'd be a weight less on Steve's shoulders.
I stood up, going to the chair and climbing on it, readjusting the noose.
Now I'd still have time to turn back... The door is locked, no one would need to know...
No.
I can't.
Turning back would only continue my agony. And the world would just grow colder and darker.
I growled quietly. No one ever tried to help me completely. No one. Everyone hated on me, turned away from me, used me as their toy.
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of those actions.
I'm sick of this place.
I'm sick of everything. Being used, betrayed, ignored. I have had enough.
I slipped the noose around my neck, my feelings gone. Carelessly, I pushed the chair over, now only hanging by the rope.
I didn't feel anything.
Shouldn't I be scared now? Crying? Feeling pain?
Nothing.
Just my air getting stolen from my lungs.
...
All of the sudden, my fear kicked in, as well as my regrets and everything else. I grabbed the rope, trying to loosen the knot. But it was too tight, my own weight tightening it even more.
I tried to scream, but I couldn't. My throat gave no sounds.
My fingers slipped multiple times from the rope in my desperate tries to free myself, the blood making it hard to cling to it.
"HELP!!", I wanted to yell, but only the very weak and broken whisper escaped my throat as I started to choke. Everything started to grow darker, my heartbeat slowed down.
I did it... Without ever telling Steve good bye. Without ever telling him that I'm sorry. Without ever telling him I'm thankful for what he did for me.
Without telling him my problems, asking him for help and telling him I'm still depressed.
My throat started to hurt and got sore.
My time is running out...
"I'm sorry, Steve..."
"I'm a failure."
I grasped the rope, trying to loosen it one more time, but failing. "I... Regret...", I whispered raspily. "I-I l-..." My whisper broke down for a moment. "I-I... Love you... Steve...", I mumbled, my oxygen running low.
Someone knocked on the door. "Hero! I want to talk! Can you let me in, please?"
Rico.
I swallowed, tears running over my cheeks. As loud as possible, which would be just normal talking, I cried out: "Help... me..."
Everything went completely black as my heart suddenly stopped beating, my neck letting out a loud, cracking sound. My body went limp, I stopped feeling anything. I only heard something faintly starting to punch the door until it finally gave in, breaking open. Two pairs of footsteps could be heard, fading out from existence for me as my breathing stopped as well, my ears ringing. But soon also this sound died down, and everything went silent. The pain faded to a feeling of peace, my mind going blank for the last time.

I'm sorry, but this world is just not my place.
I tried so long to fix this and fit in.
I've come to realize this world's full of sin.
It's a disgrace, I was misplaced,
Born in the wrong time, and in the wrong place.
But just remember that you meant everything to me,
and to my heart you're the only one who held the key.
But now it's tine to go,
I'm running out of time.
I know it hurts,
But please just hold on tight.
I'll send down the purest and whitest dove,
To keep a careful eye over you,
And keep you save.
Now this is it, world.
Goodbye.

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