MARSHMALLOWING OUR WAYS

CHAPTER 13: CASSIE

Mom enters the door the instant Wesley is out the door. She holds my hand, pats my head and sobs. She sobs and sobs and sobs.
"Mom, I'm fine. Okay? I'm fine. See? I'm talking to you."
"C-cassie! I'm so so sorry! I really am that I wasn't there when all this happened!"
"It's okay, Mom. You are here now, aren't you? Or", I gasp theatrically,"you are not my mother! You are her doppelganger who loves my father and killed my mother to be with him. Are you? The doppelganger, I mean."
She laughs a wet laugh and shaking her head says,"Well, now I don't have to worry. You are indeed fine enough to joke about your dead mother!"
We chat like that for a while but she leaves when Dad enters the room. They both nod at each other in acknowledgement.
You could imagine them being in love. Nod? That's so not what you do when you meet the love of your life.
Something's wrong. But what?
"Sweetie, you good?"
"Perfect, dad. Um, dad, can I ask you something?"
"Yeeaahh...?"
"Promise me you'll be honest with me?"
"Huh. Okay. Promise. "
"Is something wrong with you and Mom?"
"I...I honestly don't know. We are fine and not at the same time. But don't you worry. We'll always be a family, us four. Now rest a bit, I can see your eyes drooping and a yawn forming on your pretty face, "
As he says that I realise that I am indeed tired. We say our goodbyes and I drift off to sleep.
I wake up past midnight and try to sleep again but I can't. That dream. The one I had when I was unconscious, is haunting me. It's too realistic.
That splash of glass, the one Mia was holding, shattering and water splashing the furniture. That voice Matt used. That inability to move I had. That pretty, pretty face of Mia. That sandy blond hair of devious, devious Matt. That smirk he had when he closed the distance between us. That look of hurt and anger on Mia's face. That fake innocent look on Matt's face after he was caught. That snarky comment Mia made. That moment when she grabbed the keys and left. Her eyes shining, tears welled up in them.
I miss Mia. I miss her so much it hurts not only emotionally but physically. Thinking about that gives me butterflies in my stomach. Those butterflies are meant to do nothing but jump and later, go up my throat and gag me. Their plan is to choke me to death but someone saves me. I don't see why.
Why save me?
The girl who cheated with her best friend's boyfriend.
The girl who couldn't save her best friend.
The girl who didn't save her best friend.
Let me tell you why.
Because.
That girl wasn't at fault. She loved her best friend more than anything. She liked her boyfriend more than anything. She was just friends with her best friend's boyfriend. She didn't cheat with anyone. She was trapped. Unable to move. She was innocent.
But. There's always a but.
This time? Her innocence is the but.
She was so innocent and naive that she didn't realise what was happening to her. She didn't realise the consequences. She was shocked. Scared. But not brave enough to speak.
That shock caused Mia to leave her own house, half drunk, at midnight.
That shock caused the accident.
And, because of that cause, Mia hated me before she died. Before she was gone. For good and forever.
I didn't have a chance to explain. I didn't have a chance to stop her. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye.
I was innocent. So innocent, that it is my fault she is there, wherever she is.
I know it is peaceful there. I know it is empty there, the good empty, the hollow empty, the empty that makes you feel nothing but happiness and peace and makes you content. But, she was not meant to be there. She had a good life, good friends, good grades. Everything was almost perfect. She had goals to accomplish, places to visit, food to eat, flowers to smell, love to be in. But she didn't do them. She didn't finish her goals, visit her places, eat those things she talked about, smell those flowers, she didn't fall in love. She died too young. Because and not because of me.
I say I wanna rechange into my back self but you know what? I don't.
It felt right, but it doesn't anymore.
If Mia can't do those things, what rights do I have to do those things? None.
She died because she hit a tree. She hit a tree probably because she couldn't see properly. She didn't see properly because she was drunk. But if we take these things back to a start, they start at her leaving the house. She left the house with hate filled in her eyes because she thought her best friend was seducing her boyfriend. Her best friend aka me. She left because of me. She hit because of me. She died because of me.
She didn't deserve to die but she did because she thought I betrayed her even though I didn't but then again, it's the thought that counts.
I can't betray her. Not anymore. I can't move on. I can't change. I won't change.

***

Bonjour!
So. I guess you don't like me or my book, eh? Still, I want a confirmation. Well. I have an idea. If you don't like the chapter, vote for us! And if you do, vote for us again!;)(I know, I know. I'm smart!)
PS: I just know french. I'm not from France.
Love,
           Your smart-ass idiosyncratic ladyy