MARSHMALLOWING OUR WAYS

CHAPTER 15: CASSIE

He looks around as if raising the question of where. I copy his action and realise that this is not the place to talk.
"Can we go somewhere after work?"
He smiles a ghost of a smile as he says, "I have a perfect place for that."
Therefore after work, we hop on Wesley's car and he takes us to his 'perfect place'.
We stop near a deserted park or something. It's like this beautiful place filled with nature and greenery but it's deserted. Like, there's no one there except for an old couple and us.
We sit on a bench nearby, and he, unable to hold his curiosity, says,"So. Cassie, the arrogant and cake eating monster? What's up?"
I smack him for calling me that awful and childish name."Well you said that I can talk to you when I want to, right?" He nods."So here I am. Let's talk."
"Okay. So for starters, would you mind telling me why the hell you aren't going to use the clothes and accessories we bought yesterday?", His voice is gentle, clearly not matching the question he asked.
"Oh. Um. I...I bought those clothes because I wanted to change back, yeah?" He nods slowly. "Well. I don't wanna change. I decided against it. And if I use those clothes and other thingies it will be a betrayal to my decision..."
"Oh. Why don't you wanna change? What changed your decision?"
I hesitate for a while, then think, oh what the hell! I don't care anymore.
"Do you know why I transferred here?"
"No..."
"I was sent here without a choice for a new start."
"A new start?"
"My...My best friend, Mia died last year in a car accident. She left her house, half drunk, at the middle of the night. Partly because of me." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
He raises his eyebrows.
"We were hanging out at her house with her boyfriend, Matt. She went for a glass of water and as she left, Matt turned to me. He started a friendly conversation. He was like, you wanna hangout or something, but then he said we don't need Mia for it, it'll be just you and me and he started flirting. He started closing the physical distance between us and just as his lips were on mine, a glass shattered behind me. Yes, Mia's glass. I... didn't like him like that. I was shocked. Very shocked. I thought he was gonna confess his love to Mia. That shock caused the inability to move. I couldn't move away from him. My body wasn't responding to me. She...She was hurt. I saw it in her eyes. She grabbed her car keys and started to head out. Just as she left, she snapped at me, accusing me of hooking up with Matt. She was drunk and sad and she hit a tree and she...She is gone. She is...dead . She died because she was in her car. And she was in her car because she thought I was cheating and hooking up with her boyfriend. And I wasn't.  I was innocent. Pure as hell. But she didn't know that. I...She died because of me, Wes. Me. How can I let that off me? Huh? How? "
He seems to be lost in thought for a while. I can't believe I told him that. Even my parents don't know about that. They know that Mia died and that she died partly because of me but they don't know anything else. This boy, Wesley, I don't even know him that well. We are barely even friends but I don't know I just feel like I have to tell him everything. Come clean to him. He slowly shakes his head and looks up at me.
"You didn't do anything. You were innocent. You are innocent. You were just shocked, Cassie. Everyone can be shocked. I'm shocked. That shock brings that inability to think and react. Matt knew about that shock and he used you. You have nothing to worry about. But... I don't understand... Why not change?"
"She wanted to do things in her life, Wes. But now? She can't. Because of me. If she can't do the things she wanted to, how can I? How can the person responsible for her failure be allowed to succeed? I have no right. If I change, it'll be like moving on. Moving on from Mia. I can't Wes. After all I've done...I can't give her another betrayal. I can't be that selfish."
I'm shaking my head so hard I'm afraid it may break out of there.
"Oh, Cassie,"he sighs."Cassie, dear, it's not your fault. She didn't do the things she wanted to but that doesn't mean that she didn't enjoy the life she had. I believe she lived it because she had your brighter company. I would like for you to believe that Mia is happy. That she has forgiven you after she learned the truth. Mia sounds like a great person and she is probably happy up there somewhere. As for moving on... Cassie being your old self and having fun won't be moving on. You can never move on from a person you love. You never forget that person. Being your old self, you won't betray her. No. Betraying her would be forgetting her and belittling her but you aren't doing that. You are belittling yourself and forgetting your true personality. You get me?"
"Wesley...", I start but he interrupts me after being lost in a thought.
"Do you know me, Cassie?", He sighs.