MARSHMALLOWING OUR WAYS

CHAPTER 22: CASSIE

I have ignored Wesley till now. I have not been to job since my parents are in that stage where you are allowed to do just about anything because they made a mistake which will affect your whole life. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't use my parents like that but what can I say. It's like the old saying, everything is fair in love and war, and well. This is a matter of half-love and cold war.
You see what I did up there? I used 'have been' because now? He's not making it easy to ignore him.
He has been calling me non- stop. He's texted me every hour since six days and considering that's it's just been a week since we last met and, um, kissed, it's a lot.
It's been irritating and annoying and enraging but since it's Wesley, the boy I half-love, it's sweet and cute too.
I can't forget about that kiss. It was so good. The way his lips moved against mine, with hunger and possessiveness, was just perfect.
It was like my lips were just meant to be attached to his'.
I want to kiss him again.
But.
Oh, god. Why are there so many buts in my life?
But, if I do, things will be better and better and better and then what? They'll get worse and worse and worse.
There is a chance there'll be a time when I'll hate him. Hate him enough that I can't be with him in a single room. Hate him enough that I have to leave him no matter who gets hurt.
That's the point, no? I'd hate him. I don't want to hate him. I want to fall completely in love with him and be with him forever and forever and forever.
Is that possible?
I don't think so.
So I can't be with him. If I don't, I'll just be in love with him and I wouldn't have to hate him.
Ugh.
Someone would probably think I'm stupid. I think I'm stupid.
"Cassie? Dear, there's someone at the door for you.", Mom who had just entered the room says.
"Who?"
"You friend . Wesley, is it?", Extra emphasis on friend
"Tell him I'm not at home or that I don't wanna see him."
He'll probably hate me now. But I can live with it.
Mom looks at me with concern in her eyes and goes out to tell him to go away. He does because a minute later mom enters with the same unsettling look on her face.
I sigh. She's probably gonna give me a lecture on how I shouldn't treat guests like that.
"Cassie? Can we talk a little?"
"Sure.", I mumble.
She sits on the side of the bed, where I'm lying with my face pressed to the pillow. I turn around , sit up and face her.
"Cass. I know the divorce is hard on you but you don't have to separate form the world. I saw you two kissing and I saw the way that guy looked at you. I also saw the look in your eyes when I mentioned that Wesley is here. There's something you would like to tell me, right? Shall we start now?"
I look into her eyes and see that they are genuine. Mom used to listen to me about my boy problems but they were a gossip to her. This time it's something different. It's like she wants nothing but for me to be happy and that is probably only possible if I'm with Wesley.
I say, making perfect eye contact, "Mom, that was Wesley. I like him. Well I think I've started to fall for him. That day? He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I didn't have time to answer. I wanted to say yes. I want to say yes. But I can't..."
"Why can't you?"
"Well, look at you guys. You guys loved each other. You loved us. But now, you hate each other so much you can't live in the same house with the same people. You don't care about what effect it will put on us. I... I don't want to hate Wesley."
I didn't realise the tears in my eyes until I was sobbing.
Mom lookes like she's about to cry too. She says, "Cassie. I'm sorry. And... I don't hate your dad. No. Never. I was in love with him dear, I can't ever hate him. Even if I want to. We decided to take the way of divorce because we want different things and maybe this change will benefit us. I love him, Cassie, the thing is I'm not in love with him."
Woah."That's s-sweet, mom. But..."
She interrupts me.
"Cassie. If you are afraid of the end then you won't survive in this world. All the relationships end. All. There's no happy ending. A relationship ends with either break-up, divorce or death. You are not Bella or Edward, who have the forever to themselves. You are Cassie and Wesley. You have love. Just love. And that's all you need. The point is you lose the person, no matter what. The end is disturbing and peaceful and black. The start is bright and cheery and white. Love is the same. They make you feel yourself. They're beautiful. It's the grey between the white and black, the one that makes you feel whole and complete, which is  important. Not the black that makes you feel like you lost a part of yourself "
I sit there dazed. Woah. She...She was awesome. And the most important part is she's right. I guess, I don't care about the end. All I want is some happy moments with Wesley and I'll be the happiest person for the time.
I need Wesley. I'll get him.