20 cm || Choi Yeonjun

37

"I heard they are third to perform." Eunbi said. She didn't mention anyone in particular but we already know who she was pertaining to. Them. It was fine. By that time I would have mentally prepared myself.

If that plan failed, I can just squeeze my way to the comfort room to avoid them. But I wouldn't do that to the boys. They were still my friends. Me and Kai still talked through messages when any of us had free time.

The programme started after BTS arrived. They walked through the red carpet last. It was crazy. Every single corner of the arena lit up. Thousands of army bombs magically appeared making a beautiful white ocean.

Up to this day, it is still hard to believe how heavily they influence people. Even the idols gushed around each other when they sat to their assigned seats.

Let me just tell you, I wanted to smack my brother's head then and there. He intentionally sat near the edge giving me a clear view of his side profile. He didn't stop with his antics there though, he flashed a mischievous smile and waved directly at me. At that moment, all of the fans near me simultaneously screamed. Loud. They all started jumping and calling them their nicknames. The noise made Jinnie oppa turn to our direction and once he spotted me, he freakin' blew a kiss. He even had the nerve to laugh when he saw my constipated face.

"I won't be surprised if this reaches the headlines tomorrow." Ga eun whispered to my ear, chuckling. I smacked the back of her head, earning an 'aw' from her. This was a disaster. My head was already throbbing from all the noise and it was freezing.

Jiwon:
Wait till I get to u
I am gonna smack u
HARD

I texted my brother. My head immediately turning to him while I watched him pick up his phone. Once he was done reading, he passed it on to Jin oppa and they both friggin' laughed. They shifted their eyes on me and childishly stuck their tongue out.

After that exchange, I forced them to not make a single glance towards my direction. If any of their fans found out about my existence, our manager would surely go nuts. Keeping a low profile was our goal. This was to make our debut more of a surprise to the people. And one single fancam can potentially ruin that. Damn, stupid older brothers...

"Yo, Ateez is next." Ga eun nudged my side, her eyes not so subtly observing me. I knew what she meant. Oh god. They were next to perform. "Shut up." I felt myself already hyperventilating.

I couldn't breathe properly. My pants were coming out as puffs of smoke in the air. I didn't know what I was feeling, really. I felt like peeing and puking all at the same time. The performance ended and I couldn't even remember anything Ateez did.

I could see in the corner of my eyes TXT crouching down to leave when another award category began. It was their cue. I began to fidget. My thigh annoyingly bounced up and down as I shifted in my seat.

I shot up, the sudden movement made the girls look at me with surprise. I couldn't take it any longer. "I'll be in the rest room." I told them. I didn't wait for a response and immediately dashed through rows of people.

I clutched my heart the moment the doors closed. I definitely wasn't ready. My hands leaned on the sink for support as I felt my knees begin to tremble. "At least he looked okay. That's all that matters. That's all that— holy crap." I was panicking that's for sure. My words was coming out weak as I looked myself in the mirror. The colors on my face were now drained. My eyes screamed anxiety and my lips were quivering. Luckily, no one was here. They were all watching the performances outside.

I pathetically sat on the sink, grimacing when their song became ten times louder in this empty room. All of their voices resonated through the walls.

My shoulders became rigid when an all too familiar voice rang in my ear. It was his. I leaned my head on the wall. The coolness of the solid plane helped soothe my pounding head. I just stayed like that. I didn't exactly know how long I locked myself in the bathroom but I hurriedly bounced to my feet once I heard their final song coming to an end.

"Hey, you okay?" Eunbi unnie worriedly rubbed my arm as the other checked my forehead. I must have looked really sick. I only nodded my head. "Here, candies." She handed me a pack of gummies and assisted me in sitting. "Thank you." I told her, earning a small pat on my back.

That was how my night went. I anxiously ate and ate. The programme was almost half way done. BTS was next to perform and after that came the Daesang awards. My brothers were called by a stage director. He ushered them to start walking but before Hoseok oppa left, he raised his fists and muttered 'fighting' to me.

"Okay, now I'm sure there will be speculations bombarding us tomorrow." Ga eun joked as she also saw our exchange. "I'm sure the management's gonna handle this calmly." I turned to her and flashed a small smile. Ga eun's eyes suddenly went wide as her eyes were no longer on mine. Her gaze was trained behind me. "Should we exchange seats?" She suddenly asked me, her voice screechy and eyes alternately shifting to mine and to something behind me. I wordlessly nodded.

After we exchanged seats, I peeked over her shoulder. My eyes widened and hurriedly hid behind Ga eun. Luck just wasn't on my side this time. Just on the seat directly beside ours was Yeonjun. "Just tell us when you want to go." Eunbi unnie whispered to my ear. "No. We'll finish this." I told her back. I wasn't gonna miss on the chance to see my brothers winning. Plus, I already felt bad for being such a pain in the ass for the girls. I didn't want this fun night to be cut short.

We all quieted down when the lights went dim. It was starting. I reached for my bag on the ground and brought my light stick out. I gasped when the familiar intro to N.O blasted through the speakers. Everyone went wild. All of us were screaming. I got too carried away that I didn't notice myself standing up. When I did, I felt eyes burning the side of my face.

I turned around and saw Yeonjun's raging gaze staring straight at me. His eyes held nothing but anger. My mouth fell, we kept staring at each other until a camera pointed to him.

A fake smile instantly plastered to his lips and clapped his hands like he was having the time of his life. He acted like he didn't see me. He acted like nothing happened.

I felt humiliated and sad all at the same time. Bitterness quickly seeping through my heart as angry tears cascaded down my cheeks. Ga eun pulled me down and frantically handed me a tissue.

I knew he was angry. I felt it. But experiencing it first hand made my body wither like a plant.

I wasn't ready to face his wrath.