20 cm || Choi Yeonjun

31

Practice continued and I have intentionally made myself occupied with a lot of things. I arrive minutes earlier than the girls for practice then stay back for a few hours later. I have even turned off my phone for days now. All of these just to avoid one person.

"I'll practice for a few more hours, Ga eun. I'll see you soon in the dorm." I said, dismissing everyone's worried looks. I turned my back against them, acting like I was busy with my things.

The moment I heard the door close, my weak knees collapsed to the floor. I curled up in a ball, hugging my legs while staring at my pathetic form in the mirror. I looked horrible. My cheeks looked hollow and I looked paler than usual. My eyes looked dull and my hair was all over the place.

 

I didn't know how long I could take anymore. I miss Yeonjun so bad. But I have to stand my ground. I have made my decision. No matter how fast we run, I know the circumstances will kill us both. I need to be the first one to let go or else all of our hard work will go down the drain.

 

My heart clenched painfully as I hear my own sobs resonate through the now empty room. My eyes were stinging but still remained dry, not a single tear was forming. I guess my eyes became tired of crying at this point. Memories from a few days back kept on playing in my mind. A conversation from someone that has brought me back to the harsh reality of life.

 

"Oh. Why are you here?" I asked the man. He looked like he's been waiting for a while now from his stance, leaning his back to the wall next to the door. "It's late already."

 

I still formed a small smile even though I already know the reason why he was here. He only gave me a curt nod. His pitying eyes surveying my tired form.

 

"Can we talk?" My gut wrenched excruciatingly. I wanted to run to at least prolong my time but I still nodded my head at him. "Come with me." I turned around and lead him to the rooftop.

 

I leaned against the railings, feeling him do the same thing beside me. "Talk." I said, barely a whisper. I heard him let out a sigh before talking. This is it.

"Break up with him."

 

I clicked my tongue and let out a forced laugh. I have mentally prepared myself for this day but no matter how hard I try, it hurts just as much. I turned towards him and frowned. "I can't. I won't. I'll never leave him." I bite back, my voice a little stronger now.

 

"Jiwon, it's time to face reality. I know it's painful but both of you have to come down from the clouds. You're both bad for each other. Accept it." I flinched when I heard his soft yet stern voice. Every word he said were like bullets shot straight to my heart. It was painful but I know all too well he just wanted the best for us.

 

I shook my head stubbornly. "We can make it. Just give me more time." His face turned sour, frustrated because I wouldn't budge.

 

"Our manager is already suspecting, Jiwon. It's just a matter of time before they'll know the reason for Yeonjun's negligent attitude." His eyes held sympathy as he looked at me. I looked down to my feet, nibbling on my lower lip to control the sob that was attempting to come out. "If this continues I'm afraid they'll terminate his contract."

It feels like we were cornered. There was nowhere to go but to surrender. My strong resolve was wavering.

   
"What do I do, Soobin? I can't just leave him hanging." I gripped my arm harshly, my nails forming deep marks on my skin. He stepped closer and firmly held my shoulder.

"I have already talked with the others. End things with him. Next week we will be going to Japan for promotions. It will take at least a month for us to return." I clenched my hands harder. This time I couldn't hold back my tears. I cried loudly in front of Soobin. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered comforting words as I let out all of the emotions I have been bottling in for months now. It hurts so bad. Everything was falling apart.

Loud knocks pulled me back from the bitter flashback. "Jiwon! I know you're in there! Please. Open this door!" The knob was shaking because of the force.

Oh no. He was outside. My blood turned cold. If somebody heard him then it will all be over. I hurriedly stood up and ran for the door. I pulled him inside and made sure no one had spotted him.

Yeonjun immediately burried his head on my shoulder, his arms winding to my waist, squeezing me. I stiffened. My shaking hands pushed his chest back. God, I wanted to hug him so bad.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped at him.

"It's been days. Why weren't you picking up my calls?" He continued, ignoring my harsh tone. He gently held my hand, the other one playing with my fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was bad. I was slowly breaking away. His scent, the one I have been yearning, filled my senses.

I snapped out of it. I roughly pulled my hand back. This was the right time. I need to make things right.

"Its alright though. I'll make more time to visit—" Before he could finish, I let out the words without batting an eye.

"Lets break up."

His face fell and his arms became limp on his side. "What d-did you say?"