Dawn of Arcane Destiny

Chapter Eighty

“I am a complete dunderhead.” Caelum declared as he dropped into the armchair beside Drayce.

His brother had looked deep in thought when Caelum had arrived, however he didn’t seem to protest the distraction. He smirked. “What did you do?”

Caelum didn’t answer right away, maybe he shouldn’t have announced himself like that. Part of him wanted to talk about his troubling thoughts but the other part wanted to keep it a secret, stewing about it. “I broke off my courtship.” He finally said. “For completely selfish reasons too.”

Drayce raised his eyebrows. “You are a complete dunderhead. Thank you for the proof I needed.”

“Thanks.” Caelum said sarcastically.

“Why did you cut it off?” Drayce asked. “I thought you were over the moon about that.”

“You know what’s happening, Drayce. I don’t want her to be caught in the middle of it.” Caelum said.

Drayce looked unbelieving. “I thought you just said it was for selfish reasons. Unless that is benevolent Caelum’s idea of selfish.”

Caelum rolled his eyes. “That’s the rationale.”

Drayce nodded, seeming to understand. “So why are you talking to me about this? I’m the jerk who refused to help you.” He did not say it with an ounce of jest. He seemed genuinely curious, if not a little apologetic.

“Because you’re family.” Caelum said. “You have to listen.”

“I have to do no such thing.” Drayce said smiling. His smile faded the next moment. “How did she react?”

“Not well.” Caelum said. “Things have felt different ever since we got back.”

Strangely Drayce perked up instantly at Caelum’s comment. He tried to cover it up, but not before Caelum noticed it. What was he so tense about? “How so?” Drayce asked as if he had merely inquired about the weather.

Caelum decided not to ask. Whatever it was, he would tell him eventually. “I feel like I’m playing pretend. I see no point in making the most of the time we have while Kamasia is on the brink of destruction.”

No traces of a smile remained on Drayce’s face. “You make it sound as if we aren’t going to survive.” He said quietly.

“I’m all for hoping.” Caelum said. “I just don’t want to have false hope.”

Drayce nodded. “I understand. I feel the same way. We need to be pragmatic, but I feel the stress is enough to crush me sometimes.”

They sat in silence for a time, just contemplating. Caelum watched the embers of the fire smolder. The fire no longer gave off much heat, but the room wasn’t particularly cold. Caelum sighed quietly. Their conversation hadn’t made him feel remotely better. He wanted to make things right. He wanted to do the right thing. But was he going about this the wrong way? Was it the details in between or the bigger picture to the end that mattered most? He knew that in the end, no matter what the outcome, the previous efforts will all but be forgotten, but what happened from here to whatever fate they may or may not be resigned to, were vital.

Caelum shook his head. He was just confusing himself. At the end of the day, he knew that he had cut off his courtship with Ella because of his desire, deep down to just give up. He wanted a break, but none would come, he knew. They had to push on, no matter how tired they were. They would press on until their bodies collapsed and broke from the pure exhaustion of it.