Becoming Brett

8. Fridays

Friday's are great for a handful of reasons.

To start it's Friday.

But my parents don't have any extra things I have to do. Friday is my day to "be a kid" whatever that's supposed to be I'm not exactly sure. I always spend it with Wes and everyone, usually at Wes' for a movie night.

Friday's are also great though because Savannah stays after school for a drawing lesson from her art teacher on fine art. And James doesn't have practice.

We meet in the chem room, Ms. Nicoll makes fast work of leaving but it wouldn't matter. She is the only person besides James and I that know James and I are a thing.

It was at the end of last year, James and I had become something toward the beginning of junior year and half way through he wanted us to come out. I killed the idea, giving some excuse how it's more exciting to sneak around. He was getting braver or maybe he just didn't care as much because that's when he started yanking me into cubbies in the hall to make out with me.

But James knew my schedule, he knew that at the end of the day I'd be in Ms. Nicoll's room, I had her for science last year too. She might be my favorite teacher.

He blew through the door a few minutes after the halls had quieted down, I was so shocked to see him, so thrown off and breathless as I watched him march up to me with square confident shoulders and a smug look on his face. I didn't have time to process what was happening or tell him we weren't alone and the next thing I know he's kissing the shit out of me right there in the middle of the chem lab giving Ms. Nicoll a show.

By the time I came to my senses there was no way to explain my way out of what had just happened. James panicked and backed out of the room, mumbling apologies before he disappeared leaving me to sort out the mess. Problem there was I was a mess too. I begged Ms. Nicoll, pleaded with her, almost in tears as I watched my life unravel in my mind.

She gave me a warm smile, her dark eyes full of kindness as she nodded along with all my fears.

Turns out Ms. Nicoll has a girlfriend.

So it's our little secret, the three of us. And now James and I have one more place where we can be who we want.

And I only have to wait one more hour until I get to be with him.

"Hey space cadet." Ellie shoves me. "Did you hear me?"

I glance to my side as we walk down the hall, James on Ellie's other side. All three of us have class down the same hall. Savannah and Wes on the other side of school.

"No what?" No sense in pretending like I was paying attention.

"Darren Hannigan is having a party." She says. "James said he invited all of us."

Darren is fine. "Not interested."

Ellie groans. "That's exactly what Wes said too."

I smile, if Wes is anything he's predictable. The last time he went to a party he slept with Cora's friend Bethany. It was bound to happen, she had been flirting with him for a few weeks, inviting him places with them. He was a mess afterward, sending himself into tic attacks constantly because he'd spend hours suppressing everything. But anyway the night came, he went to one of her parties and at about midnight I got a call from. Apparently Bethany didn't want to deal with the tic attack that followed once Wes let himself relax. Needless to say, nothing came of Wes and Bethany past that night.

He hasn't been to a party since even though Cora's invited him a handful of times. And I have no desire to go to one either.

They're not my scene.

"We're seniors! We're supposed to go to parities!" Ellie cries.

"Then you go." James tells her.

"Yeah, you'll fit right in with Sawyer and his buddies." I tease.

She won't, Ellie doesn't fit in anywhere. That's what I love about her.

"Gross. Sawyer sucks." She twists her face into a grimace, pretending to vomit on my shoes.  "I'm just saying it would be fun if we all went."

I look over Ellie's head to James. He gives me that smirk. Ya know, the kind that's devilish and up to no good. The kind that makes lust boil up inside you until your thoughts are clouded with nothing appropriate. I can't hold his gaze, swallowing hard as I go back to looking ahead of myself.

"I might pass too." James says.

"What!? They're your friends!" She jabs her black painted fingernail at him but all he does is laugh.

He doesn't give her an explanation though, just shrugs his shoulders.

"See ya." I watch him part from Ellie and I, waving as he disappears into a classroom that we pass by.

"You guys are so weird." She grumbles but her class is right besides James' and she's run out of time to complain. "See ya tonight."

I wave and finish the trek down the hall to Ms. Nicoll's room. Half the class is already there and I weave my way through the tables until I'm at the front, at my designated table. I like to sit close to the front, limited distractions plus ya know I can't see crap.

Ms. Nicoll is at the front, writing on the whiteboard and when she turns around our eyes meet and she offers me a smile just like every other day. We have a secret but we also have something in common and even though she's my teacher, she's also a confidante. She knows why I've buried myself in the back of the closet, piling anything and everything in ways of excuses in front of me.

She knows my fears about what will happen if I actually try to be who I want to be.

Her smile is always just a little sad and so is mine.

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Celebrating my oldest birthday today. He just turned 6 😱!

Anyway I'm about to regret my life decisions and play back to back to back games of volleyball.