Becoming Brett

31. Parties

5 Weeks Later

James is curled up in the back of my wagon, my head resting against his chest where I can feel the steady beat of his heart. His fingers play with my curls, listening to me rant about Laurel and Wes and how I'm positive Laurel is on to us.

She's okay. Wes likes her a lot. And just like I've always told him, anyone decent isn't going to be bothered by his tics. But she's quiet and watchful and there's been too many instances where I've caught her watching me.

She knows. She has to.

"You're paranoid." James muses.

"I'm serious J." I defend. "I've been saying it for weeks now. She knows about us."

A chuckle rumbles deep in his chest and I smile even though I know he's laughing at me.

"Give me evidence." He says.

But that's where it's hard. Laurel hasn't said anything, she hasn't hinted. And even though she's cool, meshing seamlessly with our group, I know she knows something. And I feel like it's us.

I let out a breath. "I don't have evidence."

James' chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm, lifting and lowering my head with every breath. His arm wrapped around me, our hands together. Both of us relaxed in the sanctuary that is our place.

"That's because there isn't any." James says. "Besides, who cares?"

I care.

Once one person knows it's going to spread. Things always spread. But I keep my thoughts to myself. I focus on our hands, the way they look in one another. How they fit. The way James rubs his thumb back and forth on mine. And how my hand is smaller than this. How right it all feels.

"Darren's having another party." He changes the subject when I don't add anymore to my rant.

Everything good I was feeling is instantly swallowed up by jealousy.

"Not interested." I snap.

James lets out a breath that's more a sigh than anything. "You know, you could have fun once in a while."

I'm quick to say "parties aren't fun".

My breath catches in my throat as I wait for him to say something back. My eyes shifting from our hands to the park outside the window. The leaves are starting to change, the nights cool, the days warm. Wes is back to sporting his denim jacket everyday, though I've noticed Laurel ends up with it more often than not. I'm not sure if they're officially dating but it seems as if they aren't, they're definitely working their way to it.

And I'm happy for Wes.

Something shifted between them, accelerating their non-relationship. A secret of sorts because Wes hasn't said anything. But there's looks that they pass between one another, conversations that are kept quiet, away from the rest of us. I know it shouldn't, but it makes me a little jealous.

Not as jealous as James saying Darren's name does but still jealous.

"Everyone else wants to go, you should come too." He urges.

"Wes won't go." I state.

"So go without Wes." He counters.

I shift away, his arm falling from around me as I untangle our hands so I can turn to look at him.

"Why are pushing this party thing anyway?" I ask. "And since when has Darren turned into the king of throwing parties, I thought he was shy?"

James looks good, laying there in the back of my car. One arm propped behind his head, the sleeve of his T-shirt pulled tight revealing his bicep. It's ridden up a little, giving me a small tease of his abs and the waistband of his boxers that hang out of the top of his jeans just slightly. My thoughts momentarily cloud over with desire and I catch myself lingering on his body too long.

"He is shy." James says.

"So why throw all these parties?" I press, tearing my eyes from James because if I look any longer I'll do something.

But everything in me heightens as James hesitates to answer. My mind starts working through what that means. All the possibilities, questions forming faster than I can comprehend them and it's then I realize I've found something. The secret, the thing that James and Darren share. It has something to do with these stupid parities Darren keeps throwing.

James shrugs, his voice slightly off as he says "I don't know. Because we're in high school and we're supposed to?"

But that's not it. And the unknown of whatever it could be sits uneasy in my gut. I want to ask him again if there's something going on between him and Darren. If I should be worried. I know it'll make him frustrated though so I keep it in, studying his face and the way he's already relaxed back into his usual self. Whatever it is, he's already hidden it away. 

"Is Peter going to be there?" I ask instead.

"Beats me." James says. "Why?"

Peter would probably give up information on his younger brother, especially if he was drinking. I'd consider going to the party to do that.

Instead I say "Wes might go if Peter was there."

Because unlike the rest of us, Peter is the only one that Wes ever let stand up for him. When Peter was still in school, Sawyer's antics didn't exist. Bethany would think twice about acting hysterical after one of Wes' louder tics happened. Peter wouldn't stand by like Darren does.

"And you'd go if Wes went?" He asks, excitement blooming in his gray eyes.

I don't want to seem too eager, even though I want to know what the deal is with Darren. So I take a deep breath and let out a sigh like the thought of going to a party is exhausting.

"I don't know." I mutter with a lack of interest. "Maybe."

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Brett's a little schemer. Also when the hell are we actually going to meet this Peter bloke? Probably never.