Becoming Brett

14. Music Class Break

James doesn't have music with us. He's in choir which gives us the perfect opportunity most days to step out of class and meet in the deserted hallways.

My phone vibrates, his name flashing across the screen letting me know he's out. Scanning the room, no ones paying attention, everyone off doing their own thing. Music is always a bit of a slack class, my little reprieve in an otherwise stressful day.

Wes is at the piano, Ellie by his side which is perfect. I can step out without worrying too much.

The music teacher, Mr. Graham is in one of the soundproof rooms with a kid named Zane. I pluck the hall pass off his desk, catching his eye as I wave it in my hand. He barely acknowledges me, just a subtle nod of his head and I slip out the door mostly unseen.

Breathe.

My chest is tight, adrenaline spiking my heartbeat because there's always that lingering fear that someone's going to see us.

There's a hallway halfway between our two classes that leads to the tv production room which is always locked and dark right now. It's become another spot for us and as I round the corner, my shoes squeak against the tile floor at a faster tempo.

I'm almost on top of the doorway that's tucked in, not flush with the hallway walls, before James comes into view. His head is bent low, his phone in his hand. He's got a navy long sleeve on pushed up to his elbows and gray jeans that rest on top of a pair of blindingly white sneakers.

He looks good. Really good.

"Hey." My voice comes out lower than usual, breathless giving away my desire.

James pockets his phone, his gray eyes focus on me and instantly I feel everything in me liquify. He has that effect on me.

"Hey back." It rumbles in his chest, speaking directly to my core, to the person I want to be until my knees want to buckle and a list of promises I'm not sure I can keep want to tumble from me.

I swallow all of them back, James reaching for my hand because I'm still in the middle of the hallway where anyone passing by could see. Giving him my hand, his touch like a jolt of electricity, sending warmth shooting out through my body from our point of contact.

"Why're your hands so cold?" He mumbles the words against my hand that's trapped in his, his lips grazing my skin.

When James and I first come together, I'm always a breathless mess. My thoughts get jumbled and my nerves go haywire and I can't believe this beautiful boy is sitting here. Waiting for me.

It takes me a solid fifteen minutes to get myself together.

"I-I don't know." I whisper, entranced by the way his gray eyes pierce through his dark lashes as he looks at me from where his head is bent low to our hands.

He smiles, a breath of laughter hitting my cold skin. "Come here."

His hands leave mine, brushing along my cheek as they tangle in my hair. James is so confident, so unashamed of what we're doing. It's easy to let him take control, especially while I'm still trying to find steady ground.

James isn't out to anyone either. Well at least that I know, who knows what he's told Darren. But he doesn't hold the same level of fear that I do. He's even offered to go first, to tell his parents, out himself to our friends. But that'll open the door to too many questions and eventually someone will figure it out. That I am too.

James tilts my head back, his thumb stroking against my cheek, the tips of his fingers pressed into my neck as he towers above me.

"Brett..." the way he says my name makes a pit bloom in my stomach because it's not just lust that's lingering between the letters, it's more than that.

"Just kiss me." I beg.

I don't want to hear whatever he wants to say after. I can't. We aren't supposed to have feelings like this for each other.

"Please J."

Gray eyes dance between mine, I can see the longing that resides there, the longing for more. I want to give it to him. I want to be confident like he is, unafraid of the consequence of being who I am. But I am afraid, terrified.

I know what will happen if I come out.

My fingers wrap around James' wrist, a lump forming in my throat until it's so big it hurts to swallow it back down. All I can do is repeat myself in my head, pleading, begging James to continue to let us just be this.

His eyes close, a crease in his forehead appears, it only happens when he's deep in thought and I start to dread whatever is about to happen.

This is it. This is the moment when James gives me an ultimatum. When I'm forced to either give up my entire life or him. I tighten my hold on his wrists, beating back tears as I trace all the angles and lines of his face.

He presses his forehead to mine, his fingers knotting in my hair and I prepare myself for the worst. For having to keep myself together and weather a heartbreak alone.

But then his lips graze mine, tender and gentle like calm waters lapping at the sand in the still of the night. And it's just James and I and all our points of contact as he breathes life into me. And I don't understand how something that feels so good, so right, can be so wrong.

                             ————————

It's moving day!