True//Billie Eilish//

27

"Dont do this to me. Dont die on me" someone shouts and shoves there fingers in my mouth and down my throat. I wake up and throw up everything in my system. Coldness washes over me as I sit in someone's arms in the bathtub with the water raining down on us, probably to wake me up.

I cough and wipe at my mouth and I'm pulled backwards. "She's awake" they shout and everything is blurry. "Ambulance is on there way" another person says and I feel a kiss on my head. A lot of crying is heard and I rub at my eyes as I try to adjust them.

"She's gonna be ok baby" I hear a male voice and I blink. My eyes clear up and I look at Riley pacing back and forth with the phone in her hand. Kennedy is sitting on the toilet seat while biting on her knuckles and finneas holds a crying Claudia.

Tyler sits against a wall with his head in his hands and Billie holds me as tight as she can. "You're gonna be ok baby" she mumbles and kisses the top of my head over and over. "You're gonna be ok baby I love you" she cries and I just sit there and shiver.

The paramedics arrive shortly after and take me and Riley away on the stretcher. "Whats your name" one asks me as he checks my vitals. "Her names Elizabeth Hunter and she hasn't talked in a month so I'll answer all questions" Riley says and I look at her and look away when I see the hurt in her eyes.

They should have just let me die, it would have been better that way. We arrive at the hospital and they rush me into a room so they can see if my stomach needs to be pumped. Everyone has to wait in the waiting room as a bunch of test are done on me.

"You can talk to us" one doctor says and I stay silent. I wasn't gonna talk no matter what. "Alright well it looks like when you threw them up they all exited your body but you're deeply dehydrated and you need to eat. We will bring some food in" the doctor says and walks out and Billie walks in.

"Why'd you do it" she asks and sits down on a chair. I close my eyes and she sighs. "So you're not gonna talk. You never even told me what was going on you just-- I thought we were in this together. I love you and I dont want you to be like this" she says and a tear falls down my face.

"Was it me, was I not good enough for you or did I hurt you cause if I did I'm so fucking sorry" she says and I stay quite. The doctor comes in with a tray of food and water and looks at Billie. "Will you make sure she eats" the doctor asks and she agrees.

The doctor walks back out and Billie walks over and crosses her arms. "Eat" she says and I turn my head. "Eat the sandwich Liz" she demands a little more aggressively. I push it away and she pushes it back. "Eat your fucking food Elizabeth" she says and I throw the tray across the room and turn onto my side.

Billie takes a deep breath in and starts pacing back and forth. "I just want to help you" she says and I sniffle which gets her attention. The bed dips in and I feel an arm wrap around my body. I turn over and bury my head in her shoulder as a choked sob leaves my body and she holds me tight.

"I'm sorry baby I didnt mean to yell. I love you" she says and kisses my head over and over. I'm such a horrible girlfriend. I stopped talking to her for a month and then when she came back she found me dying on the fucking ground. "Nobody's mad at you angel we're all just worried" she croaks which just makes me cry harder.

It wasn't suppose to go like this. I wasn't suppose to be in my girlfriends arms at this moment in a hospital. My friends weren't suppose to save my life and call an ambulance. It was suppose to be easy so why were they making it so fucking hard.

"Please dont leave me" Billie cries into my hair and her grip on my shirt tightens. She pulls away so she can wipe at her eyes and I lean in. Billie tangles her hands into my hair and I grip her waist. I pull her on top of me and she straddles my waist and kisses me rougher.

"Ahem. Um not to interrupt anything bit um we just wanted to come check up on Liz" I can hear Riley's voice and we pull away. Billie climbs off of me and stands next to everyone else.

Claudia rushes over and wraps me in her arms. "I was so worried" she mumbles into my neck and I squeeze her tighter. She pulls away and wipes at her eyes before finneas hugs me next. Everyone was hurt, I could tell and I dont know if I ruined any relationships with us but I guess we will see.

Tyler is next to hug me and constantly blames himself to which I shake my head over and over. Kennedy and Riley group hug me and then Riley hits the side of my head. "What were you fucking thinking, you thought killing yourself was gonna make shit any better" she says and I look away.

"Hey that's enough, dont you think she's already going through enough" Billie stands up for me and I sigh. "No we all need to face it. Just because you made out with her doesn't mean we can forget the bigger picture here. She tried to kill herself guys and we can't just baby her and tell her everythings gonna be ok because it won't" Riley says and Kennedy holds her.

"Baby I get you're worried, we all are but taking it out on Liz isn't right ok" she says and Riley slumps and her eyes water. "I need a minute" she says and walks out. They were right, nothing was gonna be ok anymore. I tried to end my life and thats something no one will ever forget and no one will treat me the same.

They'll say they will but you'll see it in there eyes. The judgment and the look of "will she do it again", its always gonna be there no matter what.