I Wish I Could Hear You

Mother's Advice

Narrator's point of view:

     Shouko went home that day with her mind lingering on the face of Shouya. She walked behind Yuzuru with her eyes on the ground letting her Yuzuru act as her guide dog as her mind drifted off to a few hours before. 

Shouko's point of view:

     Shouya seemed to be really concerned. He did say he didn't want to lose me again, could that mean that he thinks of me as more than just a friend? Oh but he shouldn't have to worry about that. I don't want him to have to worry about me. Nobody seems to be moving on from last year. I just don't know how I can help everyone. More specifically Shouya. He's done so much for me already. If it weren't for him I wouldn't be standing here right now. What would I do without him? I just- I wish he would forgive himself. That might be out of place to think though since I'm not doing much better. 

Narrator's point of view:

     Shouko and Yuzuru walked into the house and put down their stuff. Shouko and Yuzuru's mom walked over to Shouko and tapped her on the shoulder. Shouko looked at her and signed with a smile, 'Hey mom.' Shouko's mom tilted her head a bit. 'Your sister told me that and Shouya went off by yourselves and you've been acting weird ever since.' Shouko's mom signed. Shouko's cheeks blushed slightly and she looked down. Shouko's mom sighed. 'Come into the kitchen okay.' She signed. 

Shouko's point of view:

     Should I really tell her what he said. I mean it seemed so personal. I'm sure mom wouldn't say anything now like she would've a little over a year ago. Wait, what if she takes it the wrong way? Oh I can't make it sound like Shouya was being mean or else she'll hate him again. It took him almost dying trying to save me for her to get over hating him the first time, what'll he have to do next for her to like him again?

Narrator's point of view:

     Shouko and her mom walked into the kitchen and Shouko's mom poured her some juice. Shouko sat down at the table nervously and looked down at her hands. Her mother sat across from her and slide over her drink. 'So. What happened today?' She signed. Shouko sighed and tried to think of what to say. 'Shouya was acting weird during lessons today so we talked about it. He didn't want to tell me but apparently he's been having nightmares about last year.' Shouko signed with a sad look on her face. Shouko and her mom's eyes met. Shouko felt the sudden urge to tell her what she was feeling. 'I just. I feel guilty about that I guess.' Shouko added. Her mom looked down and sighed a little. 'Shouko.' She began. She had a look on her face that told Shouko that she didn't really know what to say. 'Right now a lot of emotions are going to be brought back up again. This will be the first year since what happened. Every year from here on out things are going to get hard.' She signed with a heavy looked on her face. Shouko nodded in agreement. 'Everyone is going to be facing that differently. Through dreams, through intrusive thoughts, anxiety. Shouya is coping. You're coping. That's not a bad thing Shouko. It's better for you guys to be having these feelings and trying to understand them rather than having a repeat of last year.' She continued. Yuzuru walked into the room and stood by the doorway. 'I just feel bad that we all have to go through this. I wish there was a way we could all just feel better about it.' Shouko signed with her eyes bubbling with tears. Her mom put her hand on her head and started to rub her head back and forth as she fought back tears. 'You have to give everybody time. But even more importantly you have to give yourself time. Shouko it's just been a year. Don't expect yourself to be okay yet. And don't feel guilty for when other people are coping. Sure, your other friends might be fine by now, but you and Shouya are the ones who went through the most. What happened happened, you can't change that. Just be there for him and be kind to yourself.' Shouko's mom finished. She gave her a quick hug and then went off to make dinner. Shouko whipped away her tears and gave Yuzuru a little smile before she headed off to her room. 

Narrator's point of view:

     Shouya got home that day and couldn't stop the thinking about what had happened with him and Shouko. 

Shouya's point of view:

     I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have told her! Now she's going to blame herself, or even worse start thinking about what happened last year too much. I don't want to bring that up again. Why did I have to have that stupid dream? Ahh I made things so much worse!

Narrator's point of view:

     Shouko went into the fridge to find something to eat. "Hey Sho." His mom called from across the house. She walked into the kitchen as he got a left over sandwich from the night before. "How was lessons today?" She asked him happily, almost as if she were still a highschool girl. "It was fine." Shouya lied as he took a bite of the sandwich. He tilted her head as if she was trying to get a better look at him. "You doing okay Shouya?" She asked him sweetly. "Yeah mom I'm fine." He told her. She sat down in the table next to him. "Are you sure?" She asked. 

Shouya's point of view:

    Oh no she's going to make me tell her. I should leave. I can't let her know. I mean maybe it wouldn't be too bad to talk it out. Wait no she'll just get sad now and think about it too. I shouldn't bring it up.

Narrator's point of view:

     Shouya tried to get up to go to his room, but his mom grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back into his chair. "You're not going anywhere mister until I know why you're upset." She told him a little more forcefully. Shouya sighed in defeat. "I had a nightmare last night no big deal." He answered still trying to get away a little. "What was it about?" His mom pressed her eyes glued to his. Shouya looked at the ground a little embarrassed. "It was about what happened last year." He answered. "Oh. It has almost been a year." His mom added as she let go of him a little. "And what happened at the lessons because of that?" His mom asked. Shouya rubbed his face nervously. "Well, I ended up telling Shouko and I think she's worried that it's her fault. That I brought up something that should have been left in the past and now she's reliving it." Shouya answered. 

Shouya's point of view:

     Why can I never lie to her. It's like she makes me say these things. 

Narrator's point of view:

     "Oh Sho. You just told her the truth." His mom told him. Shouya looked away from her as if to say you wouldn't get it. His mom looked down as she told him this. "Sho. After what happened that day I was scared. I was scared that I had lost you. I was scared that I would have my boy again. Looking at you now I know that you're okay and that means the world to me, but as the days get closer to the anniversary of what happened I've getting really anxious for you. That's just how things are. I'm sure that's how things are with you, and I'm sure that's how Shouko feels too." She told him with a few tears sliding down her cheeks. Shouya looked into his moms twinkling eyes and felt himself grow with empathy and a bit of shame. "You telling her that didn't bring it up Sho, it was already on her mind most likely. Just like it's been on mine and yours. Don't beat yourself up for feeling things Shouya. You're allowed to remember what happened last year. And you are allowed to talk about what happened Sho, even with Shouko." She added. Shouya looked down and let his mother's words sink in. She rubbed his back a little before getting up. "I'm going to pick up Maria." She told him as she walked over to the door. "Mom!" Shouya called before she left. She turned around surprised. "Yes?" She asked. "Thank you." Shouya said with a smile. His mother's face swelled with pride as she walked out the door happily.