Driving Force

chapter 8

"Madi, wake up! We are late for breakfast." I hear Alyssa wake me up.

"Shhh, I'm not hungry. Go without me." I turn over and put the covers over my head to block the sunlight.

"That's not going to sit right with Coach."

"Fineeeee." I drag myself out of bed and head to the bathroom to freshen up feeling the effects of the night before. When I finish I put sweats, sweatshirt with the hoodie up, socks and slides on.

"Do you have epilepsy?" Naeher says out of nowhere sitting on the edge of her bed.

I am taken aback but her question. How could she have known? There's no possible way. Did I say or do anything last night? No, fuck.

"What," I choke out. "What would make you ask that?" I question her as she makes eye contact with me.

"I wasn't snooping but when I changed you last night, I had to grab clothes from your bag and the bottle dropped out. I googled the name of it and it said it's used to help with seizures." She says carefully.

"Lys, you can't tell anyone. Staff knows but none of the players do." I sit next to her on her bed and beg her.

"Isn't that dangerous. What if you have one and we don't know what to do or how to help you?" She rambles. "We need to look out for you and make sure you are safe and okay. Wait, did you have a seizure at the game you walked off on?"

I nod. "Lys, I have it under control. I don't want people worrying about it."

"I knew it wasn't dehydration. Kid, you have to tell the team, they would understand."

"No. This stays between us." I say getting up and heading to breakfast.

I sit at breakfast with Ali, Ashlyn, Kelley, Rapinoe, Alex, and Mason. I have a cup of coffee, yogurt, and cereal. The conversation I had with Alyssa earlier keeps replaying in my head. I'm such an idiot for getting drunk enough to let someone go through my bag knowing the bottle was in there. I gaze over to where Alyssa is and see her looking back at me before I shake my head.

"What's bothering you little one?" Pinoe asks as everyone looks from her to me.

"I think I am still recovering from last night." It's not a lie and they seem to believe it.

"There's no controlling you with alcohol in your system. By the way nobody tell staff we got her drunk." Ali says to the people at the table.

"Yeah, Ali. Let me just walk up to staff and tell them we got an underage player wasted and she somehow found and smoked weed when she disappeared from our sight." Ashlyn says sarcastically looking at Ali.

"Madi smoke?" Mason questioned repeating the words of Ashlyn.

"Great, now Mason might rat me out." I laugh and regret it as my head begins to throb.

When breakfast finishes we head over to Becky's room for bonding but it might actually be a lecture about last night. As the last few people trickle in, I am proven right when she goes off.

"First of all I want to know who supplied Madi with alcohol." I see the people who did hesitantly raise their hands without making eye contact with Becky. "She is underage guys. I know we all drank before it was legal but she cannot get plastered the way she was last night. Second, how the hell did you smoke last night?"

Her stare feels like spears as she looks at me. "Um, I think someone walked up to me outside and offered me a hit."

"Oh great, you are taking drugs from strangers now?" She replies quickly. "I thought it was given but if we go out the buddy system will be used for everyone. What if we were randomly drug tested today, Marshall? You would've been kicked."

"I know. I know." I look down at my shoes.

"We all look out for each other. We all want everybody to be safe and in a controlled environment. Please be careful and aware. I don't want a repeat of last night when we are at camp. That's all I have to say." As she finished, people left. 

Leaving the room, Alyssa catches up to me.

"Madi, hey can we finish our conversation from earlier."

"Yeah, I guess." I reply knowing she probably has questions and concerns. "I have a spot where we can talk." She follows me as I guide us to one of the top floors in the hotel where there are a lot of lounges and sitting areas. I found it by accident when I was walking Jessie back to her room and we happened to get off at the wrong floor.

"I'm betting you have questions, right?" I see her fiddle with her thumbs not knowing how to start the convo.

"How long have you had epilepsy for?" Her tone sounding gentle as we sit across from each other.

"As long as I can remember. It's nothing new to me." I lean back in my chair getting comfortable.

"Do your seizures normally look like the one you had on the field?"

"Most of the time. I usually will smell burnt toast which is a signal I am about to have a seizure. Things get jumbled and I am unable to get words out. Everything almost feels like a dream, but I am awake. They usually only last a couple of seconds." I take a deep breath continuing. "Sometimes if they get really bad I will go unconscious and my body will jerk or twitch but that rarely has happened. I take medication which helps control the amount of seizures I have."

"What should I do if you have one?" Her eyes full of concern wanting to be educated with my medical condition.

"There's not much you can do in the middle of one. I guess just have me sit down if possible and just comfort me. If it is one that lasts longer than a few seconds lay me down on my side. Same thing if I go unconscious, roll me on my side. Remove anything dangerous or tight from around me and do not put anything in my mouth, especially not your fingers. Let it run its course, but make sure you time it. If it lasts longer than five minutes or I have three repeatedly call 911. Usually once the seizure is done I might be in a confused state-"

"Postictal state, right?" She interrupts me and I give her a look as to how she knows the term. "I was googling all morning before you woke up, sorry."

I smile knowing she took it upon herself to learn about my condition. "That is right. Most of the time I'll go back to normal quickly but end up being dizzy and nauseous for a couple of minutes."

"How often do you take the medication?"

"Everyday."

"Any triggers?"

"Oh you have done your research." I chuckle. "Yes. If I miss consistent doses or if I drink too much or if I don't get enough sleep or become stressed. There are a lot of things, but I have it under control."

"You sure the team doesn't need to know. It will be safer if they do." I shake my head to her comment.

"Lys, I can't. I don't want them knowing. I know they would be okay and look out for me, but I can't handle people constantly on my back worrying about me." I sigh.

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hope you enjoyed :)
next two chapters are going to be interesting, sorry if you don't think so

as always, reach out if you want to talk or need anything
much loves homies,
-AK