Driving Force

chapter 17

Madison Marshall POV

"What's going on with you, Mads?" A genuine concerned Jess says over the phone as I show her that I failed my most recent calc exam. "You've been doing so well."

"I really don't know. It's like the words on the page jumbled up and I couldn't focus." I shake my head as I gain more symptoms of a head injury. I haven't told anyone about them.

"That doesn't sound like you. You don't have any learning disabilities, right?" Jess questions. I shake my head 'no'. "Any other symptoms or things you've been feeling out of the ordinary?"

I stay silent.

"Madison, tell me the truth." I bite the inside of my cheek holding back. "This could be serious."

"I'm having trouble recalling things that happened. It's as if they never happened. I have trouble sleeping. I can't focus like I used to. When I read or try to solve math problems, the letters and numbers and symbols get jumbled together." I exhale the words.

"Shit." I hear her mutter under her breath. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since I got that nasty hit on the field." I whisper feeling ashamed I never mentioned anything.

"Madison, how were you cleared to play? You have obvious signs of some sort of head injury!"

"The doctor said I didn't even have a concussion." I defend myself.

"But have you talked to him about all these symptoms that are coming up? Because I am sure, he would have pulled you and forced you to get scans done. You need to tell your coach and the team."

"I will but not yet."

"No, no this can't wait. Things will only get worse. You need to listen to my words and tell someone as soon as we end this conversation."

"I shouldn't have even brought it up so just ignore everything I said."

"I know what you are doing. Talking about it makes it real, but you need to confront this. You can't compromise your health so others don't need to worry. It's okay to be scared, but you need to tell someone." My face must've shown that I wasn't going to listen to her so she gives me an ultimatum. "Madison, either you tell them by tonight or I call Cameron and tell her what's going on myself."

"Fine! Fine, I'll do it." I give in. "I'll tell Cameron after we get back from training."

"I'm serious. If you don't, I will." I have never seen her so serious and stern with her voice with me. I haven't seen this side of her.

"I will. Listen I have to go to training."

"Text me when you tell her." And with that we say our goodbyes and I get ready for training.

Training is like any other training day. Conditioning done by Dawn and drills done by assistant coaches and scrimmages to wrap up everything. I push the conversation I had with Jessie to the back of my mind so I can put all my energy in making sure I brought my 'A' game. I don't need to slack off and lose focus during training and gain more worried glances. Alyssa, Kelley, and Cameron have been watching me like hawks. Even Ali and Ash seem to have been tipped off as they are more careful and protective around me.

Vlatko eventually blows his whistle indicating the end of training and gives his end of training speech. We listen and break away to the locker rooms. As we freshen ourselves up before our ride back to the hotel, I keep hearing Cameron's phone vibrating since her locker is next to mine. I pick it up wanting to take it to her since whoever is trying to reach her won't stop. I pause when the familiar number on her screen pops up. I see multiple missed calls and texts from it. I quickly scan some of the messages on her locked screen before I feel overwhelmed with anger and confusion. I see Cameron talking to Kelley and rush up to her.

"Why is she trying to contact you?" I shove her phone towards her. "Why is she asking you for money?" I shout forgetting we are in front of our teammates.

She looks down at her phone confused as to what I was talking about when realization floods her face. "Madison don't worry about this."

"No! Why is she asking you? She has no right!" I can't think clearly as this is the only thing I can focus on.

"Don't get yourself worked up! Relax, we can talk about this somewhere more private." She says looking around the room as people stopped what they were doing curious as to why I was attacking Cameron.

"I'll relax when you tell me how long this has been going on!" Soon I feel her hands try to guide me out of the locker room. "Let go of me! Stop trying to protect me!"

"Not in front of everybody!" She shouts matching my tone.

"Just listen to her Madison." Kelley's voice interrupts, but something and the way she spoke ignited my anger even more.

"Does she know?" I growl and point to Kelley but Cameron's face gives it all away. So I shove her waiting for a response. "Who else have you fucking told?"

"Madi, listen nobody else knows. She found out by accident, I promise."

"I fucking trusted you." I angrily shove her as she takes the abuse from me.

"Madi-" Kelley starts but I quickly interrupt.

"No, you can shut up!" I don't know why I am this worked up but I can't stop it.

"How about we go for a walk?" Alyssa comes over and starts to gently push me out, but I escape from her hands.

"How about Cameron tells me the truth?"

"Let's go somewhere private and I will tell you everything." Cam begs. "I promise."

"Fine!" I say walking out of the locker room and into the tunnel with Cameron right behind me.

"Before I get into it, I need you to relax and take some deep breaths." She says and lays her hands on my arms.

"I am relaxed." I snap and shrug off her hands.

"She contacted me at the beginning of camp. She needed some extra cash and so I managed to get her some. I ended up telling her to get in contact with me instead of you for her needs. I wanted to give you a break." I hear in her voice she just wanted to protect me.

"But that's not your job. She is my mother, Cameron. She is not your responsibility, she is mine. You should've flat out refused and told me she was contacting you! I have been dealing with her this long without a break." I raise my voice.

"I wanted to protect you and take some of your stressors away." She says.

"You don't need to protect me! I have done fine on my own for years and I don't need your pity. You of all people should know what I mean." With that I walk away and back into the locker room to grab my things.

"Madison! Madi." I hear Cameron behind me catching up as we enter the room with all eyes on us. "Madi, listen it was for your own good."

"No! You don't know what I need or don't need." I pick up my backpack and start walking out when I feel her hand pull me back. Within a split second, I turn around and land a punch on her face. That's when Ash, Kelley, and Ali rush over to Cameron and Alyssa pushes me out of the locker room.

"What the hell was that?" 

"I'm going on the bus." I say ignoring her question. I take my usual seat on the bus. I have my hoodie over my head enough to cover my eyes and lean my head against the window trying to calm myself down. I'm scared of myself. I never lose control like the way I just did. It just happened. I was angry but I don't resort to physical violence.