Gilos

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NOTE: This is gonna be an angsty-boi. Written in first person from Gil's POV and will have older brother! Harry featured as well. Thanks for reading the book.   ^_^   It really means a lot to me. Enjoy.

!! Warning for swearing as well as panic attack !!


I watched as he sat with an arm casually draped over her shoulders and shivered with jealousy and anxiety. The group was having a late night chat in one of the many rooms in Ben and Mal's castle. The group consisted of me, Harry, Uma, Jay, Lonnie, Ben, Mal, Evie, Doug, Chad, Audrey, Jane and Carlos.

The younger reforming VK's were asleep in their rooms on the opposite wing of Ben's parent's castle to the one we were currently residing in for our late-night chat. The six couples were all snuggled up to one another all cuddly and cutesy - not caring that I could see them.

I just sat by myself, hugging a pillow between my knees and resting my head upon it as it leaned against my chest. I glanced down subtly at my wrist and sighed whilst rubbing the area with my other hand. It just wasn't fair. The universe hated me.

Let me explain the system :

- About 70% of the population have one black name on one of their wrists. A black name signifies a definite soulmate.

- Give or take 18% of the population have no name on their wrists. No name means no soulmate - pretty simple.

- Around 12% of the population have two or more names on their wrist(s). Two or more names show that there are two or more soulmates.

- Finally, less than 1% of the population has at least one red name on their wrist(s). Any red names are displayed for those who have a chance, but aren't definite.

So yeah, the universe hates me. I have one red name on my left wrist. I cover it over with waterproof makeup so that no one will ever know. If you must be made aware, the name reads Carlos De Vil  in a fancy cursive handwriting.

As I was saying before I got distracted, we were sat in a room about to start playing bullshit. For those who don't know; bullshit is a game in which someone states a fact and everyone else has to guess whether it's the truth or whether it's bullshit.

The game started off simple enough with most people getting it right and a few interesting facts being revealed when someone had a different favourite colour or food or whatever. I tried to keep mine as light as possible, not wanting to ruin the gentle atmosphere of the room.

Luckily I wasn't the one who made the darker turn - it was Uma (no real surprise to anyone i'm sure). I didn't want to reveal such bad things about myself, so I forfeited the game. But at a price - I would have to show my soulmate name.

I didn't want to do that either, but it was either that or my past - and no one could know that. I asked to show it to only the person I trusted the most and they would be sworn to keep it secret until I gave them permission to tell someone else.

They agreed - probably because no one knew anything about it other than me.

I asked Harry to come with me into a different room and Ben showed us a room where it would remain private under any and all circumstances. I smiled in thanks and he left. Then it was just me and Harry in the room together.

 ! !   P A N I C   A T T A C K   W A R N I N G   ! ! 


I felt my anxiety acting up and felt the crushing weight of several rocks in my chest. I struggled for breath as I slowly unwound the cloth from my wrist and held it out for Harry to look at.

I couldn't breathe and wanted to start crying, but my body and mind wouldn't let me. I was no longer in control of what I was doing. I felt everything shut down and I tried to make something happen, but nothing worked.

I wanted you to scream, shout or cry, but I physically couldn't make the sound. Nothing was working the way it was supposed to. It felt like someone had put my whole being on pause and just left it.

Harry gently took my wrist in his hands and read it slowly to himself. He dropped my wrist and pulled me into a tight hug. I grabbed at his shirt and held it tightly in my fists as I tried to gulp air into my lungs.

I was hyperventilating, but it was useless to try and stop it. One of Harry's hands began to rub my back in circles while the other clutched one of mine over his heart. He kept asking me to follow his breathing, but I was really struggling.

He slowly moved his hands so they were both supporting me as I curled into him. I tried to cry, but I felt so out of my body and mind that I just went numb.

He held onto my back and stroked my hair in a soothing manner, while gently pushing my head on top of his heart. Gradually, the grounding rhythm of his heart allowed me to feel less out of control of my own body, but I didn't move anywhere.

My breathing got easier and less harsh than before. I still didn't let go of him. Harry let me stay in his arms until I was ready to let go. I waited until I was no longer moving without being consciously present in the movement before I let him go.

 ! !   P A N I C   A T T A C K   W A R N I N G   ! ! 

Harry waited for me to make the first move. He let me go and held out the cloth and some makeup to me. Gratefully, I took the stuff and applied it to my wrist.

Harry took the makeup back and reached out a hand to me. I gripped it tightly and he led me back to the room with everyone else in it. It was apparent that they'd forgotten about us and it stung deep - like rubbing their personally hand-made salt into an open wound caused directly by them.

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