Finding my Happiness

Therapy Session

My Honda Civic sits there covered in snow as we walk outside getting smacked in the face by the cold. Before we even get off the porch, I have to look next door to make sure nosey ass Ms. Mabel isn't outside snooping into my business. Besides I'm pretty sure no one will believe her story anyway that I have Michael Jackson living in my house. Yeah ok.
" What are you looking for?" Michael asks.
" I'm making sure my nosy ass neighbor isn't outside." I say still trying to peek to her side of the yard.
" Why would someone be sitting outside in the cold like this anyways?" He questions.
" Trust me this old hag does it for fun. I just don't want her coming over here asking questions."
" Oh I see.... she's one of those old ladies." He says nodding. I slightly laugh at his statement.
" Yes she's the worst. Come on I don't see her." I say walking off the porch and Michael following right behind. We get to the car and I start wiping off the snow on the windshield with my bare hands. It's cold as fuck trying to wipe the thick layer of snow but the pain isn't as bad as I have been feeling from these past few months. Michael looks at me strangely like I'm doing it all wrong.
" You just gonna stand there or you gonna help me?" I say with a little sass. I do feel wrong for having an attitude with him. He has this father like arora to him that's oddly familiar to my dads. But he soon starts to wipe the snow off from his side of the car. I can tell he's have a hard time dealing with the ice cause he keeps shaking his hands for hopes to warm them back up.
" Ok I think that's good." I say as I wipe the last of my side of the snow off. Meanwhile Michael's side looks like it hasn't been touched. I can tell he's disappointed in himself that he couldn't help me.
" I'm sorry Jazz. Maybe if I had gloves I could have did it better."
" No it's ok. Once we start driving it'll fall off." I say as I start to unlock my door. I get inside and I press the unlock button for Michael to get in after me. We both shut the door at the same time making some of the snow fall off the windshield. Our hot breaths make a fog in the car. I can see Michael is shivering his ass off as i being to situate myself putting my seatbelt on.
" Put your seatbelt on if you don't want to die." I say not even thinking about my choice of words.
" It wouldn't make a difference anyway." Michael says putting his seat belt on as I turn the screwdriver to start my car. It takes a few tries to get it going but after the 5th try it comes to life blowing warm air out of the vent. Michael puts his hands in front of the A/C to warm them from the cold snow.
" Would you like some music?" I ask hooking my phone up to the aux cord.
" Yeah sure I don't mind." He says.
I put on Back and Forth by Aaliyah and the music begins to blast through the speakers. I put the car in reverse and we begin our little field trip.

It takes about 20 Minutes to get to Walmart since I live deep into the southside of Detroit. We are about 15 minutes in our drive and Michael hasn't said one word to me. He's just been staring out the window. I turn the music down and look at him daydreaming not even breaking contact.
" Hey you ok over there?" I ask.
He doesn't say anything back. I pat his knee for hopes of grabbing his attention.
" Hello! Earth to Michael Jackson!"
He then snaps out of his thoughts and turns his attention to me.
" Huh?" He says looking confused.
" You don't seem ok at the moment. What's going on?" I say putting my attention back on the road.
" It's nothing. I don't want to bother you about it. You're going through shit too." He says as he begins to bite his nails.
" This is true, but it wouldn't be right to just let you sit their sad. What's going on?" I ask stopping at a red light.
" How... How did I die?" He looks at me with watery eyes.
" Um you sure you want to talk about this?" I question with a hint of hesitation.
" Yes I need to know. For the past 2 days I have been trying to understand why am I here in the future 11 years after I died. It doesn't make any sense too me. Let alone probably for the rest of my life I have to see my younger versions of myself, remembering all the shit I went through from each one of them. And you wanna know the shitty part of it all? I left my kids behind." He says beginning to cry. The light turns green and I begin to drive.
" They said it was cardiac arrest. Your doctor gave you a overdose of some sleeping medication." I feel Michael looking at me wanting more information.
" So that's how it happened?" He says choking on his tears.
" Yeah.... Michael you sure you wanna-" I start to say but he cuts me off.
" I couldn't sleep that night after the rehearsals. My back was killing me and I just wanted to sleep to make the pain go away. That was the last thing I remembered. He gave me something to help me sleep and here I am in your house with 8 other Michael Jackson's..... I don't understand this. I really don't Jazz." He says sobbing with his hands on his face. I pull the car over to the side putting it in park.
" Hey it's ok." I say trying to calm him down by rubbing his back but he swats my hand away. It hurts to see him like this. Him grieving over his life. Maybe that's what I have been doing too. I sit back in my seat looking out in front of me wondering if I should at least open up to him. I haven't talked to anyone about my feelings after
my grandma. Even after my dad was murdered I didn't really get it off my chest.
" I know how you feel." I say.
" No you don't! You haven't had your life just get taken away from you!"
I quickly snap my head to look at him.
" What the fuck?! Are you kidding me?! Why the fuck you think I tried to kill myself that night? What you think it was just for fun?"  I begin to get heated.
" Jazz please I'm not trying to argue with you." He says pleading.
" Then don't! But don't come at me like I haven't been through shit either! My grandma and dad are fucking gone! I don't have no other family."
" And I'm sorry for your lost. I really am." Michael says trying to wipe his tears away.
" I hate when people say that shit. How are you sorry when you don't even know what I'm feeling?! I actually saw my father dying in front of me. He was shot at his job coming home to me. He just got me this car and I was expecting him home. But someone shot him multiple times in his truck. To this day I have nightmares about it. The same thing with my grandma. She had cancer and I had to watch her be in pain til she took her last breath. So please come again with 'you don't know what it feels like'  bullshit! You know what it feels like? It feels like hell." After my rant tears just pour down my face. I look out the window just because I don't want to look at Michael's face. I'm so embarrassed that I went off on him like that. But part of me feels good that I let that out to someone.
I then feel a warm hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Jazz. I shouldn't have-"
" No your fine. You're hurting too. I should have understood that. It's not always about me." I say cutting him off.
" You don't need to apologize to me. I honestly feel a little better talking to you." He says trying to give me a smile.
" Yeah... I have been holding that in for months now. Who would have known that Michael Jackson would be helping me with my problems." I say wiping a tear from my eye.
" Hey if you ever need to talk to someone. I'm here." As he says that I just had the urge to pull him in for a hug. His warm embrace fills my soul with butterflies as I smell his calming scent. He legit smells like lavender and honey. I sob into his shoulder while he hugs me tighter. I feel his tears falling onto my skin.
" I'm sorry I'm getting snot all over you." I lightly chuckle.
" Oh it's fine. I had three kids I'm used to it." He says patting my back. We soon let go of eachother and I try to get myself together.
" Ok let's try this again." I say rubbing the tears out of my eyes. I put the car back on drive turning the music back up.

We pull into the Walmart parking lot with the sea of parked cars. It's so packed here I can't even find a spot up close to the door. So eventually I just suck it up and find a spot farther away. I see Michael's leg bouncing like he's nervous about something. I park my car hearing the screeching sound of my brakes. These shits need to be fixed honestly. I turn the car off and start to prepare myself to walk out in the cold again by taking off my seatbelt. I look over and see Michael bitting his nails.
" What's wrong?" I ask.
" Is it safe for me to go in there?" I could tell that it was worrying him. His eyes are darting back and forth as his nail bitting persists.
" Of course it's safe. It's not like someone will shoot up the store or anything." I say grabbing chapstick from the center console and applying it on my dry cracked lips.
" Yeah but I'm worried about me... you know..." He says gesturing to himself.
" Michael you will be fine trust me." I say patting his hand.
" How do you know that when I don't even have a disguise?"
I take my hat off and slap it down onto his head with the brim of the hat close to his eyes.
" There that should work. Now let's go and get this over with." I say exiting out of the car with Michael still inside.
"Jazz wait! I can't go out there! A hat isn't going to make me look different." I roll my eyes shutting the driver side door walking over to his side. I open the door and I stoop down to his face so we are eye level.
" Look I'm not going to let anything happen. You just need to act natural. If you act all weird in here that's when people will notice. Just do what I do and act like you have at least been to Walmart before." I know it's sounds harsh to say that to him. It's honestly not his fault.
" Geez thanks for the pep talk coach." He says sarcastically rolling his eyes. I reach over to unhook his seatbelt and I yank him out of the car. I didn't realize how boney he was when I pulled him by the arm. He's so fragile.
" What the hell Jazz!" He shouts as I slam the car door .
" See that wasn't so hard was it? Now come on! We got shit to do." I say putting the hood up on my hoodie over my nappy ass hair. I start walking away and I feel Michael still standing by the car. I turn around and see him like looking like a lost puppy.
" You coming or you gonna stay out here in the cold?" I ask with a hand on my hip. He sighs and adjusts the cap on his head more firmly and begins to walk away from the car.
" I hope I won't regret this." Michael says looking around the parking lot like the paparazzi is coming.
"Please the worst that can happen is that someone might think your a Michael Jackson impersonator. You will be fine." I say patting him on the back as we walk toward the Walmart entrance.