Finding my Happiness

Smoke & Drink

No one said a word the whole walk home. The only sound that was heard was the sound of our footsteps. It felt like the longest walk of my life by just re living each moment that happened just 30 minutes ago.

And the worst thing about the whole thing is that I feel like nobody is safe.

The Michael's only been here for a hot second and they are already dragged into my shit.

Fuck Billy almost got mauled and Darryl almost got shot. Shit J5 is probably scared for life now after what happened.

It's all my fault. I don't deserve anyone in my life. All I do is hurt people around me.

After me getting out of my depressed thoughts, I realize we're back at the house walking up the front porch.

I dig in my jacket pocket for the keys and pull them out, unlocking the door. Still no one says a word. The lock clicks and I open the door to feel the warmth of the house welcome us. But the only thing missing is my Grandma welcoming me home.

Once the door is opened, J5 rushes inside. He runs up the stairs crying and eventually slamming one of the bedroom doors behind him.

I'm a horrible person. He's just a kid.

The Michael's walk into the house while Cassandra grabs me and pulls me to the side.

" Girl let me talk to you for a minute." She says as I step to the side.

" Cass I just wanna go to bed honestly. I don't feel like talking."

" So we just gonna ignore that someone almost got shot tonight? Is that what we doing?" She says with a hint of attitude.

I sigh and run my hands through my hair in frustration.

" No that's not what I'm doing but damn can't I get a moment to process shit?! I mean fuck!" I say almost loud enough to get Ms. Mabel to walk out her house.

" Look bitch I'm just saying you need to figure it out. I'll see what I can do about Reggie on my end but just please look out for your cousins especially the little one."

I sigh heavily and nod my head to agree.

" Fuck Cassandra will I ever catch a break?" I ask beginning to cry.

Cass then pulls me in for a tight hug.

No matter what arguments we get into...

She'll always be my sister.

She rubs my back as I just cry into her shoulder.

" Shhh it's ok Jazz. Things will get better I promise." She says soothingly.

But will they?

I break the hug and wipe my tears away.

" Thank you. Um I have to go inside and figure shit out."

" You'll be at work tomorrow right? It's inventory day and I think boss man is gonna be there. And you know how he gets when shit don't go his way." Cassandra asks.

" Yeah I'll be there. You hurry and go home girl I'll be fine."  I say wiping the remaining tears from my face.

She give me a reassuring smile and rubs my arm before she walks off the porch without another word. Now I have to go inside and mend whatever is broken.

I shut the door behind me and lock the shit outta the door. Reggie has me so paranoid now that it's not even funny. I turn around and see the Michael's looking at me. Waiting for an response.

"Yes?" I break the silence.

" So are we gonna talk about what happened?" Michael asks.

" What's there to talk about?" I say shrugging my shoulders.