Andrew Siwicki Imagines

You're insecure - 35

Written on July 30th, 2020.

*y/n's pov*
Mirrors. A reflective piece of glass that shows the image of what's standing in front of it, in seemingly better quality than it should be, unfortunately. The soul enemy of me, especially right now. Today is Sunday, a day when I would normally be caught with a coffee in my hand editing or watching netflix in my room. Today was different. I normally wake up at 8:30-9am every morning and get my coffee then shower and get ready for the day to either film or edit, today, was not a normal day. Today I got up at noon, went to the bathroom and showered, but walked out of the shower and looked in the mirror, only to hate the image that I see. I have my classic eyelash extensions and dyed brows, but I realize that since I've been so busy the last couple months with a YouTube series I'm doing, that I haven't been able to work out, and I've gained weight from it. I do have a smaller figure, I'm 5'4, around 130 pounds, considered to be "skinny" or "thin", most times used as an insult towards me but other times used as a compliment. Being insecure is always frowned upon for me since I can't say anything negative about my body without people telling me to "shut the fuck up" since I'm 'skinny' and can't be insecure. It gets annoying at times, and then my anxiety and depression kick in to kick me to the ground even more than I already am.

I'm currently at my house, Andrew is at Shane's editing. I know this because I just got a text message from him saying he's coming home this afternoon with dinner and coffee about 10 minutes go. I decide to rip my gaze off of the mirror and go into my closet and put on one of Andrew's sweaters, a bigger one that he likes wearing when he's not feeling great or when he's cold, that quite literally goes 3/4 of the way down my thighs, then grab Nike socks and slip them on, and leave. I sit back down on my bed after sending a quick text to my three group chats (the family one, Shane's squad, and my squad from back home) saying that I won't be online or texting anyone really at all because I'm going to be editing, then I turn my phone off and lay face down on my bed. I have friends playing in the background from last night, but not even Matthew Perry's one liners can make me feel better at this point. I completely skipped lunch and finished my coffee, then migrated to the living room after moping in my bed for two hours, fixing my bun while walking there. I walk out and see Andrew standing in the kitchen with a bag of food that he got from the store I would assume, and lucky today is a healthy day for us so I don't have to feel bad about what I'm eating on top of other things. He doesn't see or hear me come out since he's watching a video on YouTube or a show on Netflix with the volume most likely on full volume, until I literally drop my entire body onto the couch and nock over a cup sitting on the coffee table. Well that got his attention. Great fucking job y/n. He looks over at me and then at the shattered cup on the floor but then back at me and realizes what sweater I'm wearing, and his eyes soften. He walks over to the cup and cleans it up then walks back over to me and picks me up and brings me to my bedroom, and sits me on the bed.

*Andrew's pov*
I was going to laugh at/with y/n after the glass broke until I realized she wasn't laughing and she didn't even think to clean it up after she knocked it over, I also noticed the sweater that she was wearing is a sweater that I only see on her when she's feeling insecure or when she's cold. And she isn't cold. I picked her up after cleaning the class up and bring her to her room, then set her down on her bed and close the door. She didn't look at me, almost like she did something wrong. I walked over to her and made her stand up, then pulled her into a hug. She hugged back. I kissed the top of her head and we stayed this way for a few minutes until she spoke. "I hate myself" I felt her frown in my shirt. I hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head, symbolizing that I'm still listening and that she can continue. "I feel like absolute shit Andrew" her grasp on my waist got tighter and I knew that if she talked more she would start getting angry with herself, so I slipped away from her grasp and emptied my pockets, setting everything down on the dresser, I took my hat off and set it on my nightstand, then pulled the blanket down and lifted her into the bed and got in myself. I pulled her closer to me so she was half on me, with her head in the crook of my neck and said "now talk to me". "I feel like shit." "About?" She sighed and wrapped her arms around my waist and continued. "God I hate talking about thus-" she mumbled "I hate my body." She stopped and I felt her entire body clench and her face cringe at what she said. I know she hates talking about this. I know she pushes all of her emotions and insecurities down and hides them. But I don't like seeing my angel like this.

There was a few minutes of silence. It wasn't comfortable but also not unbearable. I hear sniffles coming from y/n and I realize she's crying. I sit up and lift her up with me so she's sitting on my lap she wrapped her arms around my waist again and I kissed her head. She looked up at me and was about to say something else but I kissed her, knowing that if she spoke more about it, it would just upset her more. She leaned back and put her head on my chest again and I started talking. "Y/n." She moves her head. "You know you're literally the absolute most beautiful girl in the world to me right?" She tightens her grip on me. "People always ask me what my 'type' is, even before you were my girlfriend, they would ask me if I'd date Kylie Jenner, or someone like her. I said no. And I still say no. I don't want someone who is fake. I want you. All of you. And I love all of you. Every inch of your body. Your stomach, your smile, even though I know you hate it, your eyes, everything. I love you more than absolutely anything in the world. My job as your boyfriend is to be there for you even at your absolute worst. Crying or not. And I will continue doing my job until the day I die." "Your job shouldn't be so difficult Andrew." "I applied for it didn't it?" I felt her smile. "You can be as insecure as you need, but just know that your insecurities are just another thing that I love about you. And something that I always will love about you." I lifted her up so she was facing me. Tears, red face and all. And kissed her again. I pulled away and smiled at her. "You're beautiful you know that?" "Even with a red face with tears running down it?" "Even with a red face with tears running down it." She hugged me, and this is how he stayed for the rest of the night, completely forgetting about the food I bought.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Hi. I wrote this as I am feeling insecure. Remember, your insecurities are somebody else's reasons to love you. Love you all. <3

*1346 words*