Imagines

Ruel van Dijk

"Oh, I've been dazed and confused
From the day I met you
Yeah, I lost my head
And I'd do it again"
I push my head into the pillow to drown out his voice that's booming through the whole house. This is going for weeks now and I can't take it anymore.
I love my little sister Emily and I know she's too young to understand what happened between Ruel and I but I don't wanna hear his voice and I don't want the feeling of my heart squeezing so tight that I think it's going to burst.
Ruel left over half a year ago to go on tour for his album without a word.
He never texted, never called and never explained why he left without saying goodbye. He was my best friend and left me without saying anything.
"First, you build me up, then with just a touch
Leave me here in ruins
Something 'bout your eyes
I can't even walk in a straight line
Under the influence"
the next words get even louder and my eyes burn because I can relate to his lyrics so much that it feels like he's reading my mind. It was always like that most of the time I didn't even know what I was thinking myself but he did, he always knew.
Emily turns up the volume even louder and sadness gets switched with anger. I throw the pillow angrily on the bed and rush down the steps toward the living room to shout at her.
"Emily if you won't turn down this horrific song I'm going to destroy your whole music box and-" my steps halter when I reach the living room. The music stops and Emily squeals when she steps in as she runs towards the tall boy sitting on our couch.
"You're here!" She exclaims happily and he stands up picking her up for a hug. My eyes narrow at their interaction. Traitor.
I know she's eight and she doesn't understand it but still.
My eyes wander to the other couch where my parents are sitting and talking to Kate and Ralph. When Kate sees me a big smile stretches out on her lips and she stands up.
"Sweetheart it's so good to see you. You never stopped by anymore." She says embracing me in a soft hug.
She probably doesn't know that I didn't talk to Ruel for half a year either like my parents.
"I'm sorry I got caught up with things." It's a lame apology and my voice seems to not sound like itself. Her hand pushes some strands out of my face in a lovely manner and my eyes start to burn a bit but I push the tears back.
"Why are you still standing come on sit down. You didn't see Ruel for half a year!" My mom says excitedly and my eyes widen in horror when I see that the only available space is beside him.
I sigh and look at his brown eyes who give me a sad look.
Our arms brush when I sit down beside him and our parents give us some weird looks but they get engaged in their own conversation luckily.
"Your songs are soo good Ruel!" My sister says excitedly beside him.
"I'm glad you like them." He tells her. His voice raises goosebumps on my skin.
"Claire doesn't like them she always tells me to put the music down." A pout forms on her lips and Ruel's head snaps over to me.
"You don't like them?" He asks me hurt evident in his voice.

"I don't." I lie and I can tell that he sees right through my lie because that's what he always did. It makes me crazy sitting beside him and to pretend like everything is fine in front of our parents because it isn't fine. My heart aches at his shining eyes and the movements of his body that are so familiar to me.
"I think I'm gonna go.." I say softly because I feel my eyes start to burn and I don't have the power to push the tears away.
"Honey what's wrong?" I ignore the question of my mother and sprint up the stairs slamming the door behind me.

Ones in my safe space I let the tears fall and sit myself down on my bed.
I grab the fabric of my shirt so hard as if it would lessen the pain that's in my heart.
"Hey." I turn my head at the voice and see Ruel closing the door behind him.
"What are you doing here leave." I tell him instantly and try to clean the tears off my face.
"Claire listen I know I've chosen bad decisions-"

"What the fuck Ruel!" I say anger flooding in my veins as I get up from bad.
"Don't talk about it like you needed to choose anything. You just had to say goodbye! You left without saying anything. You left and with you leaving you took everything with you! Every memory, every moment we shared together." I tell in my rage and he pushes his hands into his jeans biting his lip in guilt. I want to slap myself for still knowing his habits but I never could forget about him.
"The worst thing is you could've called while you were away and I would've forgiven you, instantly. It wouldn't matter because you would apologize and I love you so damn much that I would forgive you. But you didn't. You didn't call and you didn't text. And the bad thing is that you still don't get it." I say softly now because I don't have the strength anymore to be angry.
"What do I not get? Tell me." He asks me stepping close to me his eyes shining intensely.
"If you want me to apologize I'm going to! Believe me it was the worst mistake I did in my life to just leave but I knew that if I say goodbye to you I wouldn't leave. I couldn't leave because fuck-" he says desperately pushing his hands through his hair.

"Say it Ruel say whatever you want to because I'm sick of this dancing around each other. All these words left unsaid hanging over your head, you remember? Than do it! Say it!" I tell him but instead of saying anything he steps any closer if possible.
His warm hands land on my cold cheeks and my heart begins to race.
Our breathing is ragged and I know what's going to follow I feel it in every vein in my body and it's making the tension almost unbearable.
His lips crash against mine in pure desperation and it's spreading the fire out of my veins in my whole body.
I grab the fabric of his shirt and push him harder against me.
All of the words that we didn't say to each other because we couldn't.

We were to scared to commit and it's making this kiss so much more powerful and bittersweet with all the pent up emotions.
He slowly parts our lips and I open my eyes to see that his are still closed.
His eyes flutter open slowly as he looks down at me.
"I hated to leave because I don't want to be without you but I was scared you wouldn't feel-" I don't let him talk and press my lips back against his for a short moment.
"It's okay." I say softly.

"Please just don't ever leave again okay?"

"I won't I promise, I love you C."

"I love you."