Siege - Sci-Fi (M/M)

11. My simple feelings

Jaxenayo

That idiot was blathering on, as he does, when I decided to give in to my feelings. I tried to the last time he spoke but he interrupted and told me he didn't mean to kiss me - that stopped me making what I felt to be a huge mistake at the time.

I wasn't ready to find a mate but it seemed one had found me - and it was a human male. I hadn't really thought about it before. I knew I liked Izan from the moment he started speaking to me at the bar but those feelings weren't really thought upon as I was so focused on not making a fool of myself and starting my new job.

Something kept drawing us together and I started to think about it more. Secaro weren't supposed to get close to humans - we had spent hundreds of years avoiding any bonds we could because of what was to come. What would happen if I was with him when IT happened? This was the exact reason why we were to keep our distance and showed no emotion. At home we were completely different.

However, he kept trying to make an effort and that kiss, well it took all my strength not to react. That is when I knew he was my mate, but felt it best we keep some distance. Our odd coupling just couldn't happen. I had no problem that it was a male - Secaro men are with men all the time - but a human? It wasn't banned, just looked down upon.

When he confirmed his feelings for me with his speech, I knew I couldn't keep the distance any longer and went for it. This was right. Our tongues and mouths seemed to fit as we made out like we were pro's. My hand crept up his neck as his tongue massaged mine. His hand found my back and pulled me in closer. I was hungry for more.

'Wait!' Izan stopped us. 'We need to get back to the ship, it has definitely been half hour.' The disappointment on both our faces was obvious but that was good news - he hadn't wanted to stop.

'Let's go.' I grab his hand and pull him out the door, quickly turning and smashing my lips back down for a brief moment as we are leaving. I don't think he expected it as it was more of a 'walk into my face' than a kiss - not that I was complaining.

I used my travel points to get us back - it was only fair and it got us there quicker, not that I wanted to spend less time with him. Plus it meant I got to stare into those eyes as I sat opposite him, eyes that was the closest human rival to our Secaro set. They were bright blue with flecks of darker blue, kind of similar to most Secaro eyes which made them quite special.

We held our gaze throughout the short journey back to the port. I think we both knew that the brief moment we shared at his place could not continue aboard the ship. Eyes and ears were everywhere if they needed to be, and a Secaro and human being in each others cabin constantly would certainly raise alarm enough to be kept an eye on.

We wouldn't have been in trouble with the law if we did, but one of us or both would be kicked off the ship. As I outranked him, he would probably be sent back to Earth to work a bad job with no prospects and I couldn't do that to him.

When we got back, I just left him to make his own way to his cabin. As much as it pained me to do so, I am still Secaro and we still can't show signs of caring or emotion. It completely undermines our authority and defeats the purpose of why we act like this in the first place. Maybe one day soon, everyone can discover our big secret, but that brings on a whole new load of complications and our emotional indifference will be the least of their problems.

And I would definitely lose Izan. Our secret is nothing personal to do with me but it effects everyone in a big way and I would never be able to see him again.

I had to take some time to think over what the hell I was playing at with Izan and whether the risks were worth it. It would be hard to see him and not do anything but I was going to have to until I have a plan. He may not understand it but it will be good for him. I assume he understands we need to keep a certain distance, so I am just going to increase that a little. Maybe when we land again I can see him - if I can come up with a plan that is.