Siege - Sci-Fi (M/M)

17. We need to talk

Jaxenayo

I had a million and one things going though my head, and I still wasn't sure if it was the right idea to tell him. He seemed determined to end things so why am I so willing to share everything? Because I loved him. That's why.

We aren't cold-hearted beings with no capabilities of love, despite what we make out. In fact, we are such a loving race that we feel something ten times more powerful than humans tend to. That is evident by our love for planet Earth. They don't know it but our love of all creatures has lead to this massive secret we have kept for an uncountable amount of years.

And I was about to tell Izan everything. Damn the consequences - I trusted him and I know that whatever I say will not escape his lips in front of anyone else. It was just a case of how to say it all. Telepathy was the easiest (and most private) way but I couldn't just grab him and show him - it could frighten him if he didn't have a little warning.

'Izan... I think I need to... Maybe it's time... I don't know how to say this - It's not going to be easy to hear.'

'Just save it Jax, I know what you are going to tell me. I am not sticking around to have my heart broken. Goodbye.' And with that, Izan got up and ran to the elevator.

'Wait, it's not-'

'No. I don't want to hear it. Save your excuses, I'm leaving.' He disappeared behind the doors and was lost to me - for now. I might not be able to catch up with him any time soon but we have to work together and I will sure as hell find him there.

He was clearly misjudging the situation and thought I was ending things. I had thought that of him not moments before and going by his reaction, that wasn't the case. I'm still not perfect of speaking human so I guess I may have sounded confusing and a little like I was ending things.

I had to find him, there was no use staying in this room any longer. I grabbed my things and headed straight to the doors hoping that Izan wouldn't be too far away.

When I cleared the hotel, I ran frantically towards anywhere and everywhere he may have gone. The bar, the market stores, the viewing platform. It took me quite some time to search everywhere but I was just delaying the inevitable - I knew he would have gone to the comfort of the ship.

I walked slower now, regaining my breath and collecting my thoughts. How should I tell him? I clearly couldn't get the right words out to let him in gently so I had to prepare myself this time. He needed a clear and concise sentence, free from um's and I's.

I was nearly home free and still hadn't a thought on current matters when I was stopped.

'Jax, nice to see you around here with us lowly crew members.' It was another Secaro crew member, someone I was on somewhat friendly terms with.

'Ah, Erics. I don't know how you got a job aboard our ship if you are so un-observant. I am always out and about when we land.' I was joking with him of course, but I know that my jokes can come out quite abruptly at times.

I was relieved to hear him laughing. 'Ha ha, I see you are getting used to the human way of interacting. It took me a long time to figure out their banter - it helps when you are friendly with one that you can speak to all the time though.' Wait, did he... was he familiar with my friendship with Izan? Nah, he couldn't possibly know.

'Indeed. I shall have to meet you later to finish this conversation. I am sorry but right now I have matters to attend.'

'Oh, I understand. He came about not long ago looking rather unhappy - whatever you said seems to have affected him.' Erics turned to leave immediately, and it wasn't until I made it safely onto the ship that I realised what he had said.

He knew! Impossible, surely? We hadn't been reported because I would have been talked to immediately, so that meant people (or at least 1 person) knew and didn't care. This gave me a glimmer of hope that being with Izan wasn't so wrong after all, and maybe we had a shot at a future.

This thought gave me a serge of confidence and I marched around the ship determined to find him. I was pointed in the direction of the canteen when I couldn't find him at his cabin. Great - of course he would go somewhere very public and make it damn near impossible to explain everything. Somehow I had to convince him to come with me to somewhere more private.

He spotted me the moment I walked into the canteen and very quickly looked away. This might not be easy. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to where he sat and yanked him up by the hand. Ok so I looked quite crazy but I don't think words would have cut it.

Miraculously he went with it and followed, still attatched by hand of course. I take us straight to my cabin, no words exchanged just yet - anybody could overhear and that really would be a disaster! I wait for the doors to close and I spin him to face me. Here it goes...

'Iza-' Before I get to finish the word, Izander crashes his lips to mine. I am in mild shock, this guy seems to have more feelings than the entire human race. One minute he seems to hate me, the next he likes me and is upset at us ending, and then he wants to kiss me.

I have to try and yank myself away from this delicious moment - as much as I want him, he has to know the whole truth otherwise he will just keep doubting me. 'Wait. As much as I love this, I need to explain some things first - otherwise you will always have doubts. Are you following me?'

He nods and awaits what I have to say next.

'I love you. There isn't any confusion as to my feelings towards you and I am most certainly not trying to end anything between us. In fact, I think we should make it official and let the authorities know. We could request to be put on a different shift rotation and in all fairness, I don't think there is much they can say about it as long as we aren't working together. If that doesn't please them, I shall request a move back to a Secaro flight - maybe then we can meet up every couple of weeks when we dock.'

I pause to let it all soak in. I don't think I had processed any of these thoughts before now, so I have no idea where this all came from. It was all so very true of course, I just hadn't realised it until now. Izan seemed to be reflecting on my words, much like I was.

I decide to continue. 'Now keep all that in mind with what I am about to show you. And I must urge you to never repeat any of it. Ever. Do you promise me you can do that?' He gives me a slow nod, still half confused and dazed over my speech.

With nothing left to say or do, I connect with his mind and begin to share every thought and feeling I can possibly think of regarding the big secret. When all is done he just stands there, completely expressionless, like the life-force had been sucked out of him. Fuck, did I just make a mistake?