To The Void [kth X reader]

|46|

Guilt.

Guilt has been eating her alive since the day . . . she got her life in exchange of her friend, a brother.

Even now when she lay awake at the deepest hours of night, the time when the cowards lurk in the shadows so no one can see their incompetence, her mind derogated her. Also the fact that she was simply scared to go to sleep because the nightmares were even more disturbing than the reality.

She brought her knees to her chest, pressing back on the headboard while Taehyung slept peacefully beside her.

Well . . . just exclude the 'peacefully', for the reason that up until they are here, nothing is peaceful.

Her hands found their way to the hair falling on his cheeks, gently putting them aside to see the tranquility on his face, a little serenity she needed.

They have been through so much that a normal couple wouldn't even experience in their whole life. They have been through so much in just such a short span.

Together in life and death, that's what people promise to their lovers, right? And then these two idiots, who have been doing the same thing for six fucking months and added a title to it just a week back.

Does she even deserve him?

That thought has crossed her mind several times.

They have accepted her, he has accepted her as their own.

But has she?

How could she when everyday Jimin's smile kills her, it would be so much worse for them.

She should have died, they weren't so attached, they could have moved on.

I am such a bad person.

She heard them last week, Taehyung and Jungkook, and now she feels even more miserable and feeble. She caused this, she caused all of them to break apart to no recovery. And she deserved it, the pain, the self-accusation, nightmares, all of it, she deserves to feel like shit. That's how she copes these days, mentally and physically torturing herself. She stayed to watch Yoongi draw the heart out when all she wanted was to puke, she spent hours training non-stop till the point she lost her consciousness. But she deserved this, she has 'earned' this misery.

One whole week and not once did she not have that doppelgänger haunt her in her dreams.

No one knows and no one needs to. She is entitled to it. She caused Jungkook that pain. She caused everyone that pain.

Only if she had a better grip on her stupid mind that day, things would have been different.

This night had no sleep in store, so she did what she has been doing for past several months. Wiping her tears and sneaking out of the house to find some clues, something to have a lead, something to make her feel worthy. But to her utter and complete disappointment, she would come up to a dead end.

Because of bloody course the map was with Namjoon, and all the time back in the city Namjoon kept it under a spell. Today was the day she had the shift to take care of it. The perfect opportunity for escape.

And now there is no sign of Jin. He is alive, that much they know, the map showed them the life count. But in what condition?

Getting into her suit and putting all weapons in place, she teleported out of the house. A slight shiver caused her body to jerk in a strange manner.

"Fuck these cold nights." She grumbled angrily and made her way into the dark woods.

Not one night had gone without her being attacked by someone or something and her smart ass covered the injuries pretty well.