Trials and Tribulations - [Bensler EO]

Part Nineteen - Midnight

Her back was aching like never before. She wasn't sure if it was because of the injection sites that were adding up on her hips or because of the raggedy mattress in the cribs. She wanted to believe it was the latter, at least that way she could complain about it and not feel guilty. 

She was still on desk duty, sort of.  Call it a special circumstance. They were on call for the rest of the night. Apparently rapists and murderers didn't have any respect for the fact that she was a human being who still required sleep. She wasn't sleeping that much anyway. 

Now it was all left down to time. A young girl kidnapped, Mary Johansson. A run of the mill ransom abduction of a child from an affluent family. There wasn't much else to do other than to wait around for the next call. 

Cragen had told her to go home about seven times, but she had resisted. By midnight, he could see the exhaustion in her weary eyes and made a deal that if she were to stay, she had to at least try to grab some rest in the cribs. 

Which led to where she was, lying in the pitch black on a scratchy blanket. Waiting. 

It felt so similar to the first two weeks of being away from work. Staring at her bedroom ceiling, counting how many times the fan spun around in a minute, losing track, and starting again. Only now, she was staring at the grates that supported the bunk above her, counting each metal slat. 

The only difference was that she wasn't alone this time.

"You're thinking pretty loudly over there." Elliot said from the bed beside her. He turned and curled on his side, smirking at her in the dark. The reflection from the window caught his eyes, giving her a better vision of where he was. 

"I could say the same. You don't seem all that tired." she retorted, quietly laughing under her breath. 

"You know how these cases get. Sleep is pointless. The adrenaline is enough to keep someone awake for a week." he said, rolling back to being flat on his back. He folded his hands together, resting them on his chest with a wistful exhale. 

Even in the chaos, there was bliss. In a dark and damp room with the scent of metal. The faint sound of traffic drifting in through the window panes. 

A home away from home. 

"So why are you even trying to sleep?" she asked, her voice barely rising above a whisper. 

Sometimes she liked to close her eyes and just imagine that the cribs was actually a cabin. Somewhere far away, where the city lights didn't shine so brightly. She'd mentally put a fireplace in the corner, crackling with embers as the flames light the room. The scent of metal replaced by fresh air and cedar. 

She could be anywhere if she wanted to be. If she just closed her eyes and didn't let the dark scare her. 

She already knew his answer because it was the same answer she would've given. Because they were only human and the tension in the room during those situations always felt as if it were going to combust. Because if they didn't take a moment to breathe in some air that wasn't tainted with stress and fear, they would fall apart.