safe haven

chapter 4

jax POV

I watched from my truck as amelia walked emery to the toddler area of the park. they are both beautiful. emery ran off once milly let her hand go.

I cant believe I walked away from milly.

I walked abel to the playground and went over to the bench and sat down next to amelia.

"hey you enjoy your moment being creepy?" she asked laughing. "remember who my brother is. hes taught me alot. I'm always aware of our surroundings."

"I'm glad to know that. I just cant believe shes mine." fuck. "shit no I meant shes so amazing, and beautiful. I had a feeling as soon as I seen yall."

"I know what you meant. she is pretty awesome." I laughed

"I'm not going to lie I was shocked to see you standing in the office. I didnt believe in love at first sight until I had abel and I felt that again when I seen emery running to kozik."

she sighed "I'm sorry you didnt know about her. i did try to find you, I wanted you to atleast know and have a chance to be in her life."

"dont be sorry its not your fault, its mine. I'm the one who lied to you about who I was I'm so sorry for that. the night we met I didnt have my kutte and it was easy. fuck not that you were easy damn it. I mean I could be my self with you. you didnt talk to me because of the kutte and you didn't judge me because of it. then when you met back up with me I didnt want that to change. I fell for you the first night we met milly. I was scared if I told you who I was, what i really done youd walk away. woman and people in general either want to be around me or with me because of the kutte or they hate me and want nothing to do with me. I shouldnt have kept it going without telling you, I was fucked up for that still am. but you were my safe haven. when I was with you I didnt think about the club, anything or anyone that had to do with it. I had no worries when I was with you, I didnt want that to change.." I watched my kids play together for a minute before I started talking again "i wanted to keep you separate from the club. I was selfish with you. I didnt like how shit was going for the club. i wanted you to meet abel, tell you everything about me and you join my world. i wanted you to help me raise him and be my old lady, marry me. then my mom got attacked by some enemies and I couldnt bring you in anymore. i couldnt let you get hurt. you were too pure for it all. I wouldnt have survived if something happened to you because of me so I checked out. It fucking hurt to do it, I hated myself fuck I still do. I thought no I knew you were better off without me in your life, you would be safe. so I broke that burner and ditched it. I know stupid right? I settled for tara. she already knew who I was, what type of man i am, knew about the club. i know it sounds fucked up and at the time i felt like it was what i needed to do. once i done it though i regretted it. but I couldnt show up one day and tell you so I stayed away. I thought about you everyday."

she sat there for a minute.

"please say something milly." I pleaded with her

"so I'm assuming you're last name is actually teller huh?"

"yeah."

"you hid who you are from me, lied about your name and identity." She scoffed "I was stupid, naive. You broke through my walls, made me believe there are good men out there. You were patient with me and yet those few times we had sex I ended up pregnant and you were no where to be found. I really felt like I knew who you were but obviously you didn't know me very well. I'm sorry to hear your mother got attacked but you made the decision for the both of us, you should have atleast been honest at that point."

"youre right. I fucked up, I should have told you the truth before I even slept with you. I was selfish as fuck, you didn't know me as Jax Teller VP of motorcycle club. know I'm a teller. you hear of me from hap?"