Pink Hoodie TXT BEOMGYU

이십이

MIN YUJIN

"Why don't we start from the beginning?"

I swallow nervously and ignore the loud noises in my head telling me to stop. In turn, my head begins to throb, but I know this needs to be done.

"I..." I pause for a moment, wondering where I should start. The boys wait patiently, which I greatly appreciate.

Well, you're an idiot.

With my head down, I make my decision. "I was diagnosed with depression a few years back and started taking antidepressants," I start off. "My psychiatrist suspected that it may have been the absence of my familiar support. My parents were hardly ever home and Yoongi was in Seoul.

"I know Hyeongjun from Daegyu. I met him because of a mutual friend, my then best friend. We hung out a few times, but then he developed feelings for me that I didn't return."

You're so–

"And then," I say louder to drown out the voice, catching the two off guard. "He didn't take it very well," I say resentfully. "A week later, photos of me taking pills, my medicine, spread through the school and were labeled as 'drug-user', and soon enough I became that. People would call me out in the hallway, snicker, avoid me. And being the coward I am, I told no one. I was more afraid of being picked on for the truth. All my friends left me and treated me just like everyone else did."

I stop momentarily to wipe off my tears.

"The school knew, they had to, and they said if I wasn't going to clear things up, they'd prefer if I left. So I did, much to my parent's disappointment, and enrolled myself in an online program. I kept to myself and I got better. I stopped the pills." I find myself smiling, recalling the few months where everything seemed to be fine. "My parents weren't home often, but I got used to it. Things felt like they were getting better. At least at that time that's what I thought, now it feels like I just shoved everything to the side. Something like procrastinating feeling," I laugh bitterly.

Repressing all of that explains my extra-emotional state.

"Then, I applied for Hanlim. I thought, it won't matter now. I was basically living alone. And something like a fresh start was tempting.

"So, I told my brother and he was really open to the idea. Because he lived in Seoul, I didn't even get to see him every month, so the idea of us being in the same city again...it was great.

"Then, I got accepted. I got a dorm too. Then a few weeks before my scheduled move, my brother visited. Long story short, he was enraged when he found out our parents were hardly ever home, so he made the decision to bring me back with him."

I pause briefly to catch my breath and pick up the chocolate box to fiddle with. I try not to think about what's going on in their heads, because I can't stop now.

"I got to Seoul, settled into the apartment, and met you guys. Things were getting better...but then one day, I don't know exactly when but it was before school started, I cried. I cried alone in my room because I felt so lonely and hated it. And I knew it was because of me. I wanted to...to get closer with you guys, be honest and open just like you all were, but I couldn't."

I stop talking because my throat gets constricted and my chest tightens. I struggle for breath and grasp the fabric of my shirt.

You knew this would happen.

"Yujin? What's wrong?" Kai says panicking. He places a hand on my back.

"You don't have to do this now," Taehyun tells me reassuringly. "We can–"