Let's try again

Chapter 12

Issey POV

Pag tapos ko silang talikuran sa hapag kainan ay pumunta nako sa sala. I immediately seated at the long sofa and let my head rest in the backrest of the sofa. I close my eyes.

Maaga naman ako natulog kagabi at tinanghali na ng gising but I still feel sleepy and tired.

Naalala ko bigla yung sinabi ko kanina. I didn't plan to say that, It never cross my mind to leave again, It's just suddenly came out of my mouth. I really didn't want to leave him again.
Nawala ako sa tamang pag iisip, I was hurt and angered to him and to- my self.

My mind and my heart keep arguing everytime I think ian. Should i stay or not, Sinasabi ng isip ko na kailangan ko ng umalis dahil wala naman ng reason pa para mag stay at makaiwas sa sakit but then my heart keep wanting to see ian saying that I should stay and granting my heart wants.

Should i keep holding him or let him go?

He love that guy, Hindi na nakakapag taka yun, It's almost a year since i left him, Who am i to think that he still love me? Of course it's joseph now, He might be move on over me. Natiis niyang wala nako sa tabi nya.

I sighed. I can't blame to him everything though.

He's still the only man I love, Even i stay or not.

Kung iba siguro ang nasa posisyon ko they might say it's a good opportunity to be with ian tutal naman wala na ang dalawa but for me? Even if i want, I still can't. Kahit na sabihing may puwang pako sa puso nya, I still won't choose to be with him and stay. I can't accept his love while there's another person hurting the same way i was. Mas gugustuhin kong piliin nya si joseph at ayusin ang pag kakamaling nangyari sa pagitan nila. While us, We can't. It should be buried in the past.

He's hurt, Betrayed, Disappointed but I know mahal nya parin si joseph. Aaminin kong masakit, mahirap. Masasabi ko nalang na napaka daya ng mundo at pag kakataon sakin but i have no choice but to accept it all after all it's part of my mistakes. People makes mistakes to learn. I should accept the mistake i made and take this as a lesson.

Nakakatawa lang na kung gaano ako makipag buno sa mga bully na ipaglaban ang mga binubully ng mga ito pero ngayon hindi ko manlang maipag tanggol ang sarili ko at makipaglaban. Aping api na yung puso ko eh aping api ng sarili kong katangahan.

I sighed again at kinuha ang phone ko sa bulsa ko.

It's okay issey! You'll be okay as long as ian would be happy, kaya mo yan!

Pag papalakas loob ko sa sarili. Nag scroll nalang ako sa social media ko. Napatitig ako sa pag iscroll ng makita ko ang isang picture.

Screenshot iyon ng isa sa mga video collab namin ni ian noong kami pa.

Napangiti ako ng mapakla,
Before, kapag inaalala ko ang memories namin kahit paano gumagaan ang loob ko dahil alam kong may babalikan ako at may pangako syang kailangan tuparin. Ngayon, sobrang bigat dahil hanggang alaala nalang ako at wala ng babalikan.

"Hey" Napatingin ako sa nag salitang iyon at naitago agad ang cellphone ko at umayos ng upo.

"Ian" pilit ngiting sambit ko sa pangalan nya.

"Bat naman bigla ka nanaman aalis? Kala ko ba mag istay ka dito para sakin?" Malungkot nitong tanong.

Hindi ako sumagot.

Ikaw nga, pero ikaw din ang dahilan kung bat ako aalis ulit.

Nag salita muli ito ng hindi ako sumagot. "Tell me, Dahil ba sakin?"

There's no reason to lied now aalis din naman na ako. Yeah, that's my final decision.

Tumango ako.

Lumukot naman ang mukha nya. "Diba pwedeng dito ka nalang?"

"I can't"

"At bakit naman? I thought you miss me?"

"Yeah, Kaya nga ko nandito sa harap mo eh at dahil nakita na kita at nakasama that's enough for me, btw nag kaayos na ba kayo ng boyfriend mo?" Pag iba ko sa topic.

"Ex-boyfriend issey we're not together anymore" may bahid na inis nitong sabi.

Hinawakan ko sya sa kamay.
"Ian" malumanay kong banggit sa pangalan nya."Why don't you forgive him? I know you still love him" tanong ko. Umiwas sya ng tingin.

"I can't issey, Mahirap, You know i hate people betrayed me"

"But you can't just throw your happiness just because of what they did, give him a second chance ian, sometimes people realize their mistakes at the end. Alam kong na realize nya na ang pag kakamali nya. Mahal ka nya at mahal mo sya just forget everything what he did and start over again. Bago ako umalis gusto ko okay na kayo pwede bayon?" Sabi ko dito at nakiusap. Diko yata kayang umalis hanggang hindi ako kampante na magiging masaya sya.

"I'm sorry issey pero hindi ko magagawa ang sinasabi mo"kumunot ang noo ko sa sagot nya.

"At bakit naman? You love him right?" Tumango ito. Kahit alam ko na diko parin maiwasan di masaktan.

"But that doesn't mean na enough nayun para balikan ko sya issey alam mo kung gaano sakin kahalaga ang friendship at alam din nila yun but thry still choose to ruined it"
pigil inis nitong sabi."If mag bibigay ako ng second chance hindi para bumalik sya sa buhay ko bilang karelasyon ko. Yung mga panahong nawalan tayo ng connection sa isat isat issey that was his chance, i gave him already a chance kahit na ikaw parin ang mahal ko noon i let my self to love him dahil nasaktan ako ng bigla nalang nawala ng parang bula ang lahat ng satin I gave him the chance the time i let my self to fall for him, But I never gave him a right to hurt me. It's his lost not mine. I was so stupid na mas pinili kong humanap ng bagong mag papasaya sakin kaisa alamin kung bakit nawala ka nalang bigla ng contact sakin, I let my anger and sadness consume me and entertain someone to get over you but as you say sometimes people realize their mistakes at the end at ngayon gising na gising nako, I won't regret loving Joseph but i regret that I planned to forget you just for a person who never trusted my love for him" hinawakan nito pabalik ang kamay kong nakahawak sa kanya."I want to start over again issey but not with him, I want it with you"