The Other Half of My Heart

Chapter Twenty: Meal Skipping and Hospital Free

Chapter Nineteen:   Meal Skipping and Hospital Free

My life sucked. This was all I could think. And Tasha? What kind of a name was that anyways? I really, really hated myself.

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to laugh. Any normal thing hurt. I was in constant pain. Why me? Was all I could ask.

I wished I could just die and be out out of my misery. I couldn't talk. I couldn't tell anyone to kill me.

I got out of bed and went over to my window. It hurt so badly standing up. But I just stood there, wanting to jump. Wanting to die and be free. I opened the window. Then I heard the doctor coming. As of he knew what I was thinking, and before I even saw him I heard his voice say, "Tasha, it is not your time. Do not jump."  

I rushed as quickly as I could, being crippled.

To jump. I felt him grab me. I screamed, "No, no! I want to die. Let me go! Let, me, GO!" I screamed and screeched, but he would not let go.

"Tasha," he said firmly, "you are not going to die. I won't let you."

Every bone in my body ached. I wanted to die more than ever. Everywhere hurt. I felt so weak, and so vulnerable. I hated that feeling. I heard Sam come in. "Hey, let her go!" He said, not knowing what was going on.

"Come get your girlfriend then. She's in the midst of trying to kill herself." The doctor snapped.

His eyes widened and he jogged over to me. The doctor let me drop, and Sam caught me. I was crying. Tears leaked from my eyes. I cried, and cried, and cried. I felt so helpless, so alone. I was crumpled in his lap. He gently picked up my head in his hands, and used his thumb to swipe away my tears. "I got you baby, don't leave me. You're right here."

The doctor left.

He held me in his arms, in his strong embrace. And he stroked my hair. "I got you, baby. I got you. I got you."  

I cried, clinging to him desperately. He was all I had.  

I lifted my head up slightly, and looked at him. "Sam, why are you still here, why didn't you leave?"

He looked at me in the eyes. "Because I love you. There isn't a different reason. I'm still here because I am madly, deeply in love with you. I will always be here for you, and I will never let you go."

I sunk back down into him. I felt like I was his. I knew he would protect me and fight for me. I just didn't feel like I deserved it. I hadn't been in love with him all this time. I had liked another guy. He deserved a girl that had liked him, and he was her first crush. I was not worthy of him.

I heard the door open. My head was pounding. I ached everywhere. The all-too-familiar feeling of black spots and nausea swept over me. I slipped into unconsciousness.

****

*two weeks later*

****

I was finally being released. After all this time, I was finally going home. I had been in the hospital for four weeks and a day. Twenty-nine days I had been stuck in the hospital. Because of a car accident, suicidal thoughts, and a suicide attempt.

I was okay now. My mind was okay. I wasn't totally emotionally stable, but I will be. In two days I was going back to school, because today was Saturday. The perfect day to be freed.

Sam opened the door and walked over to me. "Hey honey, are you okay?" He questioned, rubbing my back at the same time.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to make a full recovery. So that's good. I just can't wait to get out of this place. It feels like a prison."