The Other Half of My Heart

Chapter Five: Ugly

Chapter Five: Ugly

It was Wednesday, and early. It was 5:43 am to be exact. My sister had been dead for four days now, and I was still alive.

I say down against my wall. I felt so alone in this big, haunting world. No one to love me, no friends to laugh with... I hugged my knees and buried my face in them. Tears trickles down my face.

My sister and I had planned for me to have a boyfriend with a motorcycle that way I could hug him as we rode. Obviously I wouldn't marry the guy, because we were going to die together with seventy-two dogs. That meant no marrying any guys.

I did not deserve a boyfriend. Nor would I ever get one. I was ugly. I got up and went over to my desk. Sitting down, I stared at the mirror. I was hideous. My nose was slightly big, I had blackheads, pimples, and my nose had dry skin on it. I hadn't shaved my legs in a week, and my hair was too curly. My hair for frizzy if I messed with it. I put my hand on the mirror.

'No wonder nobody likes me' I thought, 'I'm... Ugly.'

Everybody's belief at one point in time. Everyone has thought they're ugly, the only difference is, I know I'm ugly. I am alone and ugly. No, I am not only ugly, I am hideous. I am a disgusting being barely living on this earth.

I felt like a cry baby as I cried for the hundredth time, that could be a reason no one loved me, I cried too much.  More than too much, I had cried every day since she died.  Unnecessary tears have fallen from my eyes tremendous amounts of times. 

I rubbed my tears away with my hand. I needed to pull together. This was not helping anything.

'You got that right.' my sister said, reading my thoughts. I laughed mildly, but not happily. I didn't smile, there was no need for that either.

I dressed in ripped black skinny jeans, a ripped red shirt, with safety pins placed skillfully so the shirt looked cool. To finish off my clothing I added black combat boots, and black makeup.

This was it. I breathed in deeply, grabbing my backpack. This was it. I was going to finally pull myself together. I headed downstairs and stated at the door.

I needed to be brave. I opened the door.

And took my first step as a wounded, brave soldier that took place in the war called life.

****

What hit me most was the chilly air. The sun was shining and it was a gorgeous day; but the wind was so cold and held no warmth, despite how sunny it was.  I didn't quite get how it could be so sunny, yet so freezing.  

The ground sparkled with rain, from last night and the sun shining from it. I was in awe as I stared at it, walking down the driveway, and to where the bus was waiting for me.  The ground smelled like freh rain. I breathed in the smell, walking slowly towards the bus.  

"HONK!" the bus driver honked the bus's horn at me, signaling me to hurry it up.  I guessed that it was time to 'hurry it up'.

I jogged to the bus, and I saw Sam sitting in the back. He was wearing black skinny jeans, and a black shirt.  He looked really nice today.  I observed that he was all dressed in black, just as I was. I smiled and my heart raced.  We kinda matched, like those awful couples that wore matching cloths.  Not that I thought of me and Sam as a couple.  And definitely not that I wanted us to be.  

I studied him as I walked closer.  

Then another guy caught my eye. He was wearing a plaid shirt and was really cute. He smiled at me, showing off dimples. His hair was black, and his eyes were blue. He was slightly tan, but not black.