The Other Half of My Heart

Chapter Three: The Bus

Chapter Three: The Bus

I woke up drenched in sweat, crying. My alarm went off two minutes later. I curled up in a ball and just cried. I felt like I would die. The sheets clung to my sweaty body. I just cried. There was no point in living. I wants to die. I would have to face kids today, at school, alone. Do my homework, alone. Take walks alone. Eat with my mom only. Do everything absolutely, and utterly alone. Just as she must have felt she did.

I wanted my sister to be here more than everything. I wished my sister would come back to life magically. How could God take my sister away from me. My mom and 'dad' said "Well, she's so good that God needed her, everyone likes her. So maybe her purpose is in heaven now."

I didn't believe them. How could they themselves believe it? My mom had had a different baby too; and the child died the day after she was born. How could they not be mad at God? I was vividly angry. If God really loved me, how could he do this to me?

I got up after a little while. No, I had to make new friends. I had to tell people that she loved them. Sam... My sister's crush. He liked her and she liked him. She was waiting until her sixteenth birthday to tell him that she loved him, but she had died before she got the chance. I liked Brian. She said that I needed to tell him I loved him. I would. My mind cleared slightly.

I got up shakily, and walked slowly to my dresser. I opened the drawer and grabbed black skinny jeans, and a black t-shirt. I peeled off my clothes, and wiped the sweat off of my stomach before pulling the clothes on.

I walked to the light switch and flicked it on, the walked over to my mirror. I needed to look dark, tragic, and like I was mourning. I was mourning. I grabbed eye liner and smoothed it on. It was a dark black, you would never mistake it for a gray. I made my eye liner very drastic. what would my mom say? I wondered as I layered on makeup I had never even known I had had. I layered lots of mascara on. I put on black eye shadow and grabbed my can of temporary dye. All you did was spray it into your hair like hair spray. I sprayed black temporary dye in it, and pulled black bracelets on.

I then looked at myself in the mirror. No, I was still too much like her. I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut my hair into bangs across my face. Tears ran down my trembling chin as I cut it off. I used my hair straightener and straightened the bangs. I looked so different. I couldn't see myself here anymore. I stared into the mirror and a stranger stared back at me. I did not know the person who held my gaze, who's chin trembled, and tears bubbled in her eyes.

The stranger in the mirror looked weak, and I had thought I was strong. I was obviously wrong, because the person who stared back at me in the mirror was me, this was my face, this is who I made myself in a short hour. I made a stranger who was alone, who was full of sadness and hate, who would have to learn to love all over again, because God took the one person I cared about more than anyone else.

I did not need God now, I would do fine without him, I never needed him and I never will again. Hurt ached my heart and I knew that this was the most awful event of my life, and that once it was over I would only be the lonely girl who no one knew, and no one would care to know.

Now, I had long curly black hair, straight bangs, and a black wardrobe. I looked very drastic. My sister came up to me. "What did you do?' She asked softly. "Where are you now?"

I longed to say that and I screamed it, the cry of sadness echoed all around me as I screamed, "WHERE ARE YOU NOW?! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?" I calmed slightly, and whispered, "Where are you now?" I did not know, my sister's ghost had left me. If she was in heaven would she not stay there? Why was I seeing her ghost?

I headed downstairs. My feet thumped alone on the stairs. Only one set of feet ran down these stairs. I sniffed as I walked into the kitchen, where my mom was.

"Ah!" She screamed. "What did you do to yourself? What happened to your hair?!" She sounded very angry with me, but I did not care.

"I cut it." I said shortly, and rudely, grabbing my backpack. It was good that my backpack was black. I had chosen it so that you could not see most of the mess that would be on it soon.

"Why?" She asked. I ignored her and ran out the door and to the bus. The bus had been waiting for a couple minutes, and all the other kids had already filed on. I walked up the few stairs to get into the bus.

Everyone was talking, and it seemed as if they were all making fun of me. A lot of people laughed, and pointed at me, my hair, or my outfit. I was no longer dressed girly, I was dressed in black.

I heard someone say, "Who is that freak." and "Dude Is that a new girl?" or from the popular girls "Ew, she layered way too much makeup." "She must be goth," even a "loser!" was jeered at me. My heart pounded. All these people who used to pose no threat when my sister was here, were now quite scary. I was alone and I kept my head down, but my ears were still hearing names that were thrown at me.

"She's hideous!" "New goth chick?" "It's a freak!" "Where did she come from? The dumpster?" I bit my lip as I finally looked up, my eyes full of tears.

I saw Sam, his dark brown hair was all shaggy, and his brown eyes could light up a room. Brian wasn't here yet. I walked to the back where Sam sat with a bunch of guys talking and shoving each other and said, "Sam?"

"Yeah, oh hey, Tasha? Is that you?" He said, looking into my eyes.

"Y-yes," I said, trying very hard to hold in my tears that threatened to spill.

"Oh, hey," He said, sitting up slightly, "What's wrong, why are you crying?"

"Oh, it's nothing." I said quietly, looking away, and avoiding his eyes as I lied to him.

"Tasha. Tell me why you're crying, now. Or I'll make you tell me." He said. The bus suddenly went over a bump and I flew forwards, right into him. He had been ready, I supposed, because he caught me, and said, "Here, don't feel stupid or anything, but sit on my lap for a second, you need a hug and no way am I standing up, sorry." When I hesitated, he adjusted me so I was sitting on his lap, in his arms.

Before I knew it my chin was on his shoulder and I was shaking with sobs. He hugged me, and comforted me. I was only lucky that I was wearing water-proof mascara, because I cried for a while, before I finally sat up, and told him that my sister had died, and nobody was being nice to me, and that I felt alone. I probably sounded like I was two years old, but I didn't really care.

He sat there, his warm gaze never leaving my eyes.

"Viola, sh-she loved you." I told him shakily. "That was her dying wish was for me to tell you that.." I started to stand up, and begun to walk away.

"Wait," He grabbed my wrist. "I loved her too, and I'll miss her a lot. I should have taken the chance I had and took her on a date or something, but there isn't any time for regret. People die, and if I die young I don't want to have mourned over my lost crush my whole short life." With that said, he released my arm, but gestured for me to sit next to him. One of his guy friends was there....

"Um...." I said, lost. Was I supposed to sit on him or what? I felt very, very confused.

"Oh, yeah... Move, man. She's gonna sit there." He said to the guy, Tyler I think was his name. He moved, looking at me. His gaze was slightly rude, he looked ticked off. I stood there, petrified, what would this boy do to me? What if he tried to hurt me?

"Why can't she just sit on your lap again, dude?" He complained loudly as he moved under Sam's command.

Sam's eyes moved to me, "Want to sit on my lap again instead? I'm sure you really don't want to sit by him, huh?" I nodded with relief. He smiled briefly, and turned his gaze sharply to Tyler as he snickered, and said, "You wanna go sit with the losers again?"

I really didn't know why Sam was being nice to me. He was a football player, super popular. Why would a prep like him talk to a dump-emo-looking-chick like me?

Tyler's eyes widened, and he moved back into his seat and didn't say a word as I sat down on Sam's lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist, to keep me from sliding when the bus went over bumps. 

I stared out the window, oh how I deeply desired for my sister to be here along with me.