the moon [h.s.] - EDITING

forty-six.

LUNA

Her brother enters her bedroom again after getting changed into his pajamas in the bathroom. He flops onto her bed and lays back. He gets comfortable.

Luna smiles as she sits next to him. They don't mind sharing a bed. They're used to it. Growing up, Santi used to beg his older sister to let him sleep next to her almost every night. She would let him every time. Ever since he grew older and a little braver to sleep on his own, he no longer needed the company of his older sister.

"How's mom doing?" She finally asks her brother after she had been wondering.

"She's good... She's going to her physical therapy appointments and she's still working. It's lonely without you, though," he says.

Luna nods and understands how different things might feel for her mom and brother now that she's not around. She'd rather not be reminded of it. "How are you doing? In school and all that..."

"I'm alright... School is good, too."

She nods again and looks at her hands as she wonders what else she could say or ask. She's doing her best to avoid a certain conversation. It's only a matter of time before Santi brings it up. "Any girlfriends?" She teases to keep it light.

He only laughs at her question. "Not yet."

"Ooh, what about your friends? How are they?"

He falls quiet. Maybe he suspects that Luna doesn't actually care to know how his friends are doing. She hates them. He can't blame her, his three little friends once tried to take a picture under Luna's dress behind Santi's back. They were too young and minors for Luna to rip their heads off. She only hopes Santi won't be influenced by their horrible behavior. He knows better, she remembers.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks.

There's no way she can avoid the conversation now. She might just have to face it. "What is it?" She answers. She lets herself lay back against her bed. Her head rests comfortably against her favorite pillow.

"Are you being safe out here?"

"Santi, I'm doing really well. You don't have to worry," Luna says softly once she looks at him. She offers him a small smile, but he's too serious to take it.

"Are you taking your medications? Are you seeing a doctor? Mom wants to know and so do I." Santiago asks with his body turned to her.

She looks away the moment he faces her and she feels a wash of guilt come over her. "Santi, I feel really good. I feel healthy and I don't feel like before," she says, but she can't look him in the eye.

"Luna," he says and shakes his head. "Please don't lie to me."

Luna sighs. She doesn't say anything in return because she knows damn well she isn't being truthful. Not to herself and not to her brother either. So much for doing her best to avoid the conversation.

"Does your boyfriend know?"

Stop. She knows he won't. She closes her eyes as she's finally able to answer him and say, "No."

"He doesn't know?" Santi asks and he lets himself sit up. "Luna... How serious are you with him?"

She loves her brother, but she's so close to telling him to shut up. She takes in a deep breath and opens her eyes again. She shrugs. "We haven't been together for a long time," she admits.

"He seems to like you, a lot, according to your roommate."

"He loves me," she whispers. For the first time, she says it out loud. She wished she had somebody to tell sooner. She also wished she had somebody to tell her what to do with that information. Harry told her he loved her and she's been pretending like she didn't hear him for over a week. Though, it feels like forever. "I think... I mean, he said it to me. Then again, he was sleepy."

Then again, what if he thought she was his ex? The fact that he hasn't brought it up, only convinces her that maybe he didn't mean to say it to her. It's a thought that has been haunting Luna since hearing those groggy words.

"Shit... What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I um, just walked out. I pretended not to hear and he stayed asleep." Luna looks at her brother and she hadn't realized she was becoming emotional.

"Do you not love him or something?" Her brother asks.

She brings her hands up to her face to wipe the tears that manage to escape her. "Santi, I'm crazy about him. I never met anyone like him. He's so talented, sweet, funny, and everything. He's everything. When I met him, I didn't think I'd ever let myself get to the point where I am now. I didn't come here looking for a boyfriend. I came here to find myself and somehow, he's helped me find myself when I couldn't seem to alone. I'd be insane not to love him... But he's been hurt before. Bad. I can't be the one to hurt him again if-" she chokes on her words and stops to gather her breath. She's getting worked up. She feels her chest grow heavy. She might need her inhaler soon if she doesn't calm down. Luna wipes away her tears again.

Santi reaches for her hand. He holds it and gives it a tight squeeze. "Luna," he whispers. He gives her a moment to cry it out. "If you love him, he deserves to know. Or, you let him go now."

Luna breathes out and sniffles. She shakes her head. "I can't seem to do either..."

Santi reaches to wipe at her teary cheeks. "Why can't you?"

"Because then it becomes real," she says.

"What do you mean? It's already real."

She heaves another sigh. "I don't know what I mean! I just know Harry is not going anywhere. I'm not scared to tell him because he'll break up with me or something... I'm absolutely terrified at the fact that he will stay. It's not fair because this isn't what he signed up for. If I tell him, he's going to stay and he will be on my ass like you and mom," she explains. Somewhere in the middle of her explanation, she stops crying. She's practicing her breathing again. She's still emotional, but she doesn't want to let herself cry anymore.

"Luna, I think that's exactly what you need. I think you should tell him about your disease, Luna. If you spend more time with him and he doesn't know why you're suddenly tired or in pain," Santi stops talking to sigh. He looks hesitant to say more. "Look, we're on your ass because we love you! We want you to be around. Dad, would-"

"No! You don't get to mention dad," Luna is quick to say. She sits up and she could feel herself getting worked up again. She takes in a slow breath. "You and mom don't get to do that, you hear me? You guys don't get to use dad's death to guilt me into seeing a doctor! You don't get it. I don't want to see one anymore. So they can fill me with crap again? It's hell! Imagine all the medication that is supposed to help you... It turns out to make you feel like shit every second of the day. I'm doing well without any of it, right now. Honestly, I've never been better. Please, be my brother and support me! Or, better yet, stay out of it. You don't know much. You're only fifteen."

He has tears in his eyes this time. He's always been so sensitive. Despite the outspoken exterior he puts on in front of others, he's too soft inside. Luna might've just hurt his feelings. He lays down slowly. He sniffles and turns his body away from her. He has his back towards her and doesn't say another word.

She can hear him cry. He's crying to himself and it hurts her. She's too stubborn to even consider apologizing to him. She slowly lays back against her bed. She closes her eyes and swallows down the lump in her throat wanting to rise. "Goodnight," she whispers to him. She licks her lips after her brother ignores her. She opens her eyes again then reaches over at her bedside lamp. She finally turns it off and the room falls dark.