Boondocks

Chapter 21: Visiting Darkness

FERN

I was still wiping sleep from my eyes when Tex walked into my camp the next morning. He had a pack slung over his shoulder and an apple in his hand. His smile was the usual one he wore when he'd meet me in the garden.

I blinked at him, searching his face as he drew nearer. He didn't look any different. He wasn't acting any different. Had I dreamed that kiss, or was I still asleep now, wishfully imagining that everything was back to normal?

Tex reached inside his heavy leather jacket, grabbed another apple, and tossed it to me. "Mornin', Darlin'." He plopped down beside me and took a large, crunching bite of his own. "What do you say we go huntin' today? Get somethin' big to eat."

"Where did you find apples?" It was last on the lengthy list of questions I had for him. First being why he'd left.

I hadn't imagined his hands; the way they'd slid across my back and pinned me close. His kiss had been eager yet tender, unbelievably soft. I hadn't expected that. The couple of times I'd caught John kissing a girl, he'd looked ready to eat her face off. But Tex didn't do any of that. The way he'd moved, light, artful, like dancing. His tongue had caressed and touched and disappeared in perfect time with a song I couldn't hear, and I wanted to try again. I wanted to listen harder and learn which notes I was meant to play.

It'd been perfect. All of it. How could a man give a girl a kiss like that and then get upset? If he didn't want to, he could have said no. He could have left when I'd given him the chance. But he hadn't. He was the one who pulled me back when I tried to walk away. He'd lifted me up and said he didn't want to stop. He'd wanted to do more.

Then, he'd all but ran away from me.

Yet, here he was, not a dream and smiling like all was fine, and it was just another day. "Some of the men went out and found an old abandoned property full of apple trees." He took another bite and chewed. "So, huntin'?"

"I need to get water for the garden."

"Already done." He tossed the apple core into the brush. "C'mon, Darlin." Each word was stretched, like a child begging for a treat. "I've had the berries." He nudged my arm with his. "I'm ready for the steak."

I dipped away to retrieve my bow and hide my burning cheeks. "We can give it a shot, but there's no guarantee we'll find anything," I said. This was normal. It was the deal we'd made. And just like this deal, he'd shown me something the night before. That was all it was, a moment, my memory to keep. A twinge of disappointment clenched my chest, but I couldn't explain why. That was what I'd wanted. He'd given me what I'd asked for. As far as first kisses went, I felt confident that it couldn't have been any better. Then what? Was I still being greedy, like I had the night before?

Tex took my pack from me, then watched me gather my arrows. "Julia wanted me to thank you again, for being such a good witch." He slung my pack over the same shoulder he carried his own on, and despite there being two of them, they looked insignificant compared to his size.

"It was fun." I stepped ahead. "It reminded me of before."  We weaved through the trees and over the brush, alternating who led by whoever had less obstacles. It'd been more than fun. It'd been a miracle. A perfect day from beginning to end. I'd laughed and been surprised and made a memory for two kids to carry into whatever after awaited them. I smiled.

Tex dipped beneath a branch and caught up to my side. "You say that a lot. Before. But you barely talk about it." His gaze found mine as we maneuvered through the brush. "What was your life like then? What led to you being out here alone?"

That day. Just the mention of it brought dark thoughts I knew would cripple me. They'd crippled me in the beginning. They'd almost made me unable to survive that first winter. It'd only been Daddy's voice urging me that kept my head just above the surface. I didn't talk about that day. I didn't think about it. "Why'd you leave so quick last night?"