Boondocks

Chapter 38: Giving

TEX

She was all things dirty. Blacked out, skintight, glossy lips, and fuck-me hair. Why was she dressed like that? Where had she even gotten something like...that? This was not my girl. My girl was sweet. She was innocent, and this girl...she was a woman.

Stepping away from her was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. She didn't even know how good she looked. She had no fucking idea.

But the men did. Sergio did. That mother fucker. His brows lifted, smile dimmed, and I wanted to gouge his eyes out. "Pretty girl..." He held out his hands, tone reverent. "You are goddess."

Fern blushed. "Thank you."

Son of a bitch. I pulled out a cigar, lit it, and took a deep drag. It didn't do shit to calm me. Not with him watching her. Not with the men on deck murmuring. Not when they could see all those curves I'd been working so hard to keep secret. My free hand curled into a fist.

Fern's fingers brushed my knuckles, and I looked down to find the softest goddamn expression I'd ever seen. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "Please, don't fight. I can go change."

Well, shit. That was a great fucking idea, but it felt wrong. Like I was taking something from her. For what? She wasn't in any real danger. The men I trusted most knew to watch the ones I didn't. Sergio and his bunch were outnumbered. I opened my fist, caught her hand, tossed the cigar, then tugged her into my arms. "You look way too goddamn good to go change."

Her little gasp of surprise made me want to surprise her more. Over and over again. She had no idea what I'd been holding back. What I wanted to do, especially now. She was always so ready for me. I barely had to do a thing, and she was soaking wet and begging. I wanted her ass in the air, hair in my fist, back arched and crying my name. I wanted to fold her like a paper plane, see how far she'd go. But she nuzzled into me, too sweet for my thoughts, and I heaved a sigh. I wouldn't do any of those things. Not to her.

Sergio's knowing eyes met mine. Taunting, laughing, making silent statements about my balls. Little did he know, my balls were in the same place they'd always been, blue as hell and screaming for a reprieve.

I'd never been with a woman the way I was with her. Never in my life had I done nothing but give. Never had I denied myself. Being with women had always been like sleeping, or eating, or having a drink. It was a pleasure, a necessity, an itch to scratch, and while I'd never been the type to leave a woman wanting, I'd never not taken anything in return.

But not with Fern. She was something different. Special. She writhed beneath me, begged and pulled and demanded I give her things without knowing the words to say. But, so far, I'd kept it together. I'd left her intact. I couldn't take all of her, not knowing where I was going. She couldn't belong to a dead man, and she was the one thing my conscience wouldn't allow me to steal.

My arms tightened around her, pinning her in place as if that would fix it. Time passed too fast, and all the things that could have been taunted me with the hand I'd been dealt. If I'd been a better man, a good man. If the world was different. It could have been me. I could have slid a ring onto her finger and said whatever words I needed to say. I could have gotten an honest job and used my money to shower her in all things pretty.

But those were pipe dreams. All I'd get was this, and I'd spent a week branding my image into her mind. When she found the man worth her virtue, it would be my hands she thought about. My mouth, my tongue. In the dark, it would always be me. I wanted her to remember me. That was the only way I could keep her. A space in her heart, carved out for the man she'd met in the woods.

Fern pulled her face from my chest and settled against my side, keeping her arm around my waist as if she knew exactly what I needed. She was perfect. Girls around the club would have relished the attention. They would have longed to see me beat some poor bastard bloody over them. Hell, no damn way were those pants made for any other purpose than to start trouble.